


My Love, My Bonded (Reylo Fanfiction)

by its_kira



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux Has Issues, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Order, Fluff, Kylo is a softie, Leia is a baddie, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron kinda sucks, Redeemed Ben Solo, Resistance, Rey is conflicted, Reylo Week, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 56,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_kira/pseuds/its_kira
Summary: "I wanted to join you," Rey said, tears dripped from her face."Then why didn't you?" Menace crept from Kylo Ren's voice as he turned to make deathly eye contact with her."You know why!""Enlighten me," he threatened, though it sounded like a plea."It wasn't our time, Ben, you know that." Rey's voice shook a little."When is our time?" Kylo's voice became lighter."Soon, very soon." She begged.***The Force knew Rey was to be in Kylo Ren's life just as Kylo was to be in Rey's. However, both individuals prayed and hoped for very different outcomes.Rey wanted nothing more than to bring Kylo Ren back to the Light. She wanted to show him the wonders it provided and the life they could have if he returned to her.Kylo wanted to bring her to the Dark Side. He wanted to rule with his bride by him.The Force was the only one who truly knew what the future held.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> information for the story:
> 
> -obviously, i did not create these characters. all credit goes to the rightful owner.  
> -this was written after the last jedi so the rise of skywalker is not considered.  
> -there will be descriptions of sex, violence, alcohol, potential self harm/mental illness and language.  
> -i’m new to this website so please show me grace if i can’t get things right! this story was published (and is still being published) on wattpad originally, under the same name, but i wanted to make it more accessible to people who ship rey and kylo ren/ben solo.  
> -do not be afraid to comment and let me know if you are enjoying it or not! with that being said, keep reading ;)

Rey was exhausted. Tired limbs dragged her body around the Resistance Base in search for her quarters, numb from the events of the past week. Information had been poured upon her, drowning her in emotions. Dirt and grim settled themselves underneath her fingernails and in her scalp, which she hadn't noticed until she returned home from training. She had increased her routine in order to prepare for any other battle similar to the one she had to endure a few days ago. The events of the week played in her mind on repeat, each one hurting her heart and tugging a tear from her eye. 

Snoke was dead. He was murdered by Kylo Ren. His former student. The child he had viciously groomed into a mass murderer had taken his life. The irony was overwhelming. 

Even the thought of Kylo Ren brought butterflies to her stomach but anger to her mind. Her heart swelled even though she knew the horrors he had committed. 

Still, he was her bonded. 

The Force had decided that they were to be in each other's lives for better or for worse. The light she saw in him was blindingly bright and all she needed to do was take off the mask of darkness he glued on and show it to him. A task that sounds so simple in words but so impossible to act out. 

She searched her mind for just a moment to see if she could sense him. She felt his steady breathing and knew he must have been fast asleep. She knew better than to wake him so she retreated from his thoughts and returned to her own. 

Her own mask of darkness fell upon her. Her dark thoughts of the damage that occurred that day and seemingly every other day since she left Jakku filled her with guilt. 

Sigh after sigh escaped Rey's mouth until the tears that were forming subsided and she was left with a dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach. She gulped, her saliva scraping across her sore throat. The mixture of crying and yelling throughout the past couple of days came back to attack her voice box with croaky words and painful swallows. She barely felt any of it though. In this moment, she was thankful that General Leia had thought of her and managed to provide her with her own quarters on the base. She could not imagine having to go through all of the torment and chaos in her mind with fifteen people watching her take in each breath. 

She stripped of her dirt ridden clothes, throwing them into a small basket she was told to use for her dirty garments. A white bowl full of water sat on an old desk with a towel sitting next to it. The energy she normally would've used to go shower left her body so she grabbed the towel and soaked it with cold water. She scrubbed her skin with the little thing, finding every piece of sand she could before her eyes began to shut. Tomorrow she would have a proper shower. As for tonight, she wrapped her body in the cloth, beige robe that hung in her makeshift closet. It was thin but much too big for her. It sunk in pools around her feet, causing her to trip and curse at the thing. She yanked her hair out of it's style and let it consume her shoulders on her way to the only place that hadn't brought her sadness in these past hours: her bed. 

Rey collapsed onto it, snuggling into the warmth it provided. She pulled on the comforter to hold her entire body and tucked it beneath her chin. Her wild hair splayed on the pillow and her eyes shut instantly, wanting sleep to envelop her. The universe answered her call as she was cast into a deep sleep.

A few hours later, she found herself awake but she did not know why. She tried relentlessly to return to her slumber but some sort of pull was forcing her to remain alert. Her mind that was once fuzzy began to clear up. Now with her body and mind working in sync, Rey recognized the familiar pull and connection. It was her bonded. 

"Rey," a voice called behind her. She whipped around and saw him settled in her chair.

"Ben," she spoke. He flinched at her for using his name but she could not care less. That was his name his parents selected and she was going to use it. 

Kylo Ren's black hair encircled his face, casting a shadow over his handsome features. His eyes were full with fatigue and sadness. He ran a large hand down his face, settling it on his chin as her eyes gazed on the scar she had branded him with many moons ago. Her heart skipped a few beats entirely at the mere sight of him and she had to take a deep breath. Her stomach began to do somersaults, as if competing in an acrobatic competition. She drew her focus away from her eager stomach and onto him, staring at him once more. 

He was dressed in all black, the usual attire for him but it was much more comfortable than normal. His fitted, usually leather outfit was now a plain tunic and pants. Rey decided in her mind that she liked him better that way. She found him much more welcoming and friendly.

"You're projecting," Kylo responded, his stern experience never faltered. Her cheeks flared red as she forgot about their force connection even as he sat in front of her. Everyone else, she could think without having to place a block over her thoughts but with Ben, her wall of protection had to be tight. She cleared her throat. She decided to mask her emotions and seem as deadpan as she could with him as she built up her mental block but didn't know if she would be able to fool the Supreme Leader. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Honestly," he started. "I don't know."

Her lips thinned out as her eyebrow raised. "You don't know?"

He shook his head, looking at her with sincerity in his eyes. Something about it made her believe him. 

"Okay, how are you here?" Rey said, curiosity overruling the thoughts of the reasoning behind his presence. "I thought this was supposed to go away after Snoke died." 

He paused and looked at her sheepishly. Kylo shifted in the chair, his large form not used to sit in something unfit for his size. Rey sensed this and gestured to the end of her bed, which he cautiously took, questioning her with his eyes the entire time. 

"I thought that too. Maybe the reasoning for us being bonded has changed. Maybe it's even a different method." he stated simply. She nodded along, urging him to speak more so he took the opportunity. "Were you thinking of me at all before you went to bed? Or maybe in a dream?" 

The same blush as before crept on her face as she nodded. "I mean, I was thinking of this week. You were a part of that." 

"So was I," he said, biting his lip. 

"I know we can talk to each other through our minds and read the other's thoughts. I know we could envision each other but I don't understand how we can still do that and how we can't do it with anyone else in this galaxy..." She rambled, twirling a piece of her hair in between her fingers. This caught the attention of Kylo as he watched steadily. Her scrunched up face and mindless movement was very enchanting to him though he would never dream to admit it. 

"I thought the same." 

Rey searched her mind, closing her eyes as she filtered the thoughts and knowledge she had obtained from her time training with Master Luke. Frustration filled her, nearly giving up on attempting to find the reasoning until a memory popped up. 

She had been meditating alone when Luke joined her with big, old books. The pages were wrinkled from time and the symbols were scrawled messily on top of them, as if written by a genius whose mind worked too fast for their hand. The brown leather was warped and consumed with dirt and dust but the authority it held seemingly radiated off of it. Luke had told her these were old Jedi text and that one day, with much training, the confusing symbols would make sense in her mind. He had mentioned that one of them went into detail about Force connections and bonds. They had never studied this book. They focused so much on the books about how to use the Force and techniques and strategies that their limited time didn't include other subjects. Regret seeped into Rey now as she had no idea at the time of the importance of that book. 

"I-I can't remember." she said sorrowfully. "There was a book. Jedi text or scripture or something that talks about these sort of... things," she gestured between the two of them with her hand. "But I don't know where the books would be now that Luke is gone." 

Kylo nodded along quietly. "What about Leia? They were siblings." 

Rey's head shot up, making fierce eye contact with him. Her mouth opened into a small grin. "Oh my stars, I bet she would have them!" 

He felt a sort of pride that he had suggested an idea great enough to Rey to make her smile. Her smile alone was enough. He felt the corners of his mouth turn upright at the sight of her but quickly tugged them down. Kylo had a feeling that she would be his weakness as he couldn't fight the growing feelings towards the young woman. 

Yes, but she wouldn't ever feel the same about you. You're a monster.

His inner voice and deepest thoughts shook with authority as they whispered these things into his heart and soul. He stared down at his hands and begun picking at his fingernails and skin, drawing a little bit of blood from underneath the nail, a nervous habit he had yet to break. A wave of sadness welcomed him like an old friend. He prayed that Rey hadn't noticed the change in the atmosphere as his psyche reminded him of his true identity. 

Unfortunately for Kylo, she had. His mental block was very strong as years of training under Snoke had prepared him for any intrusions of the mind. Because of this reason, she did not know why he was upset but she knew Kylo. She knew how to read his body language despite his efforts to hide his emotions. 

Rey crept from her end of the bed to the other, gathering her comforter in her arms. She sat by him, mere inches separating them. She laid the blanket on both of them. Her hazel eyes gazed upon his black orbs. Hers shimmered with kindness. She gently placed a hand upon his knee, completing the action before she could think of what she was doing.

Suddenly, her eyes snapped up to his, silently asking for permission to touch him. He gulped and gave one affirmative nod. To be able to touch him through this bond sent shivers down her spine. Her heart gained speed and she feared that he felt her hands begin to sweat. She started to draw circles on his knee to distract herself from the fact she was touching the person who was personally selected for her, whether by the Force or Snoke. The thought itself was overwhelming but having a raw conversation with Ben was much more intriguing, though she doubted he would reveal much if anything at all. 

"Ben," Rey began. "Are you alright?"

Kylo looked away, his eyes darted to the floor. The feeling of her hand resting on his knee made his heart skip so many beats, he was careful he didn't faint right then and there. He could feel her warm thoughts about him through her gentle touch and it reminded of him of the cruel words that his mind whispered to him. He stood up quickly and faced the door in her room. Confusion encircled Rey's mind but she was far more concerned about his well being to mind the abruptness of him leaving her bed. A small frown graced her lips. 

"I'm fine." His tone was harsh. "Do you have any idea of how to leave this thing?" 

Taken aback, Rey stumbled with her words. "Um, I-I don't know." 

Silence entered the room. Kylo felt an urge to tell her what was going on but he knew it wouldn't be worth it. He had to wait until she had joined the Dark Side before they could truly become one. Waiting was a torturous thing for him but he knew that it would be worth it to have his bonded, his love rule the galaxy together. He swallowed his pride and accepted the long journey before him. 

On the other side of the room, similar thoughts were shared about Kylo Ren. Rey knew he would join the Light Side. She knew that she was his ticket into the joy that is the Light. She knew that one day they would be able to become one. The Force had told her so. 

In a vision, she saw herself and Ben. They were cloaked in simple, light clothes. The sun was setting before them and the rays were highlighting his face in the most loving of ways. His arm settled around her waist and her finger had a ring with shining, tiny diamonds. A hut was behind them as they sat on a cliff, a river flowing beneath them as they laughed and soaked in each other's company. 

She knew that this vision was not possible in the Dark Side and that it was only when they both were truly together in the Light that this future would occur. Her heart was heavy as she knew that the process to get him there was going to be very strenuous. It would be worth it though. Rey just knew it would be worth it. 

Kylo Ren turned to face her again. "I'm going to leave now."

"Goodb-" Rey was cut off as he disappeared before her. She felt a little sting from his sudden exit but reminded herself that it was all in due time.

A sad smile reminded her to go to bed and she obliged. She tugged the covers under her chin again and tried to enter the sleep she was in before. 

However, the only thing that seemed to be in her mind was Ben.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunlight crept into Rey's bedroom, creating beautiful golden lines on her floor from the blinds that separated it's intense light. The warm air in her room was thick with drowsiness. She forced her eyes open, rubbing the sleepiness out of them as the blankets on her bed became heavier. A yawn escaped her lips. 

There was no part of Rey that wanted to get up and start the day that awaited her. She wanted to stay in her quarters and sleep, letting her worries and stress drizzle away with every passing minute. She rolled over in bed and shut her eyes. She tried to enter sleep again but suddenly became aware of the dirt build up in her hair. In Jakku, she would go days, weeks and one time even months before a shower and the dirt in her hair hadn't bothered her then. Now, it was very noticeable and her body begged her to shower. 

She let massive groans escape her as she hauled her feet over the edge of the bed. Her feet made contact with the cold, concrete floor and she gasped at the harshness of it. She had been anticipating warmth since the sun radiated it but the floors betrayed her wish. She stood up, shaking her limbs awake as she forced her way into her bathroom. 

When she flicked the light on, Rey caught a glimpse of her appearance in the mirror and was thankful that she had access to a bathroom where others wouldn't have to see what she looked like prior to a shower. 

Water began to pour from the top of the shower head, little streams growing more intense as the water adjusted to the heat she had requested from turning the silver knob at the bottom. She peeled the brown robe off of her and let it surround her feet. She glimpsed at herself in the mirror and studied her body. 

Bruises and cuts were scattered on her skin and she was having a hard time remembering where she had gotten each one. She did not know if these bruises and cuts came from the battle many days ago or the intense training she was forcing herself into. She had no memory of these pains last night but then again, her body was so overwhelmed with fatigue, she could've done a lot more that night and forgotten entirely. 

One particular bruise on her arm was shining yellow and green, the skin slightly swollen as three deep, little cuts lay oozing in the center. She examined it carefully, poking and prodding at her damaged skin. It was sore and stung when she directly touched the cuts. She knew she should go down to medical after she was down freshening up. She turned around and looked at her backside as she had felt a sharp pain when she awoke. 

Stretching from just underneath her bottom to beneath her knee, a fresh cut lay. It was a cut she must've gotten yesterday that had been sealed with her blood caked around it as it fell onto the floor in dry flakes. New blood, bright in color, seeped from it and she groaned knowing she would have to get this taken care of though she seriously doubted it required stitches. 

Rey stepped into the shower, the thought of nurses touching her body made her uncomfortable even though she knew it was for her own benefit. She wasn't used to people making physical contact with her. In Jakku, every man or woman was for themselves and by touching them, it was like challenging them to fight for their place in this universe. She slowly had become accustomed with friends laying a gentle hand on her shoulder or a brief hug but anything more made her recoil away with disgust, even though she cared deeply for them.

She pushed away those thoughts and dunked her head in the water, the warm fluid matting her hair to her head. She took the time to scrub at her body, being gentle with her wounds but still taking the dirt from within. The soap stung her cuts and she sucked in her breath while dealing with it. Quickly, she finished up her shower. 

Once completed, she lazily put her hair in loose braids to contain it while it was wet. She put on clothes, a tan tunic with pants and arm wraps to match and headed out of her room, the cafeteria as her destination. 

The walk was quiet, for which she was thankful. She gave a tight lipped smile and wave to each passing person until she reached a large room with tables sprawled out. Rebels sat at them, some talking in large groups and some sitting at tables with only two people. Her eyes scanned desperately for anyone she could run to for comfort. She found a small table that was next to the door across the room with both Poe and Finn talking beneath their breathes to each other. 

She begun to walk there while Finn turned his head to scan the room and saw her. His dark eyes sparkled with happiness at the sight of her stumbling towards him. He shot up from his seat and jogged towards her, throwing his arms over her shoulder. He embraced her tightly and released her, looking her in the eye with an intense yet loving stare. 

"Rey!" He stated simply, gesturing to the table where she gladly sat down, a smile plastered on her face. "I have been wanting to talk to you all day."

Rey let out a soft laugh. "Oh, about what?" She glanced at Poe, who offered her a small smile and a wave, similar to the ones she was passing out before landing in the cafeteria. "Hey, Poe."

"Hey," he said. "How are you doing?"

She shook her head. "The best I can be, I suppose. How are you two doing?"

Finn smiled. "I'm doing okay. I fell asleep like a baby last night though, I was so exhausted." 

"I'm tired but good, I guess." Poe said. 

"I'm glad. Any plans for the day? We have had such a stressful week that I don't know what Leia has scheduled." Rey said, biting her lip in wonder. She looked at Finn who was a bottle about ready to burst. "Oh, yes, sorry Finn, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

She leaned forward, placing her weight on her arms that sat upon the top of the table. He too leaned forward, mocking her movements as his voice went down to a whisper. 

"You know how Rose got hurt in the battle?" She nodded, urging him to continue. "Well, she sort of kissed me before we took her to medical."

Her face lit up with shock but inside she was not surprised. She could sense Rose's feelings towards the man before her and had been praying she would make a move. Satisfaction filled her when she learned this thrilling information. 

"And?" She pried. 

"And what? She kissed me!" Finn said excitedly, throwing his hands up a little. 

"Well, how do you feel about it?" 

"I-I don't know.." his excited tone went flat. "I mean, it was a nice kiss. I never thought of her like that though, you know? Like, I need time to think about things. Does she want a relationship after this because I need to know it would work before we started anything!" 

Rey pitied her friend. She could tell he had conflicting feelings in the manner and that his mind would be preoccupied with thoughts of him and the possibility of Rose. She smiled sadly and nodded along. 

"You really should be discussing this with her," she said calmly. "She can give you more definitive answers than any one else." 

He sighed like a child and threw his head to the side. "I know, I just don't know if I'm ready."

"Meditate on it and report back to me," Rey said, standing up from her place at the table. "If you don't mind, I really have to get going. I promise I'll come back and we can finish our conversation."

"Where are you going?" Poe piped in, leaning forward from his position. 

She paused, debating whether or not to tell the truth because she really didn't want to go in detail about how she had gotten her wounds. "To medical."

Finn's mouth popped open. "Why are you going to medical? Did you get hurt yesterday?" 

"I'll tell you later, now is not the time." She said, walking away from the conversation deeply praying for that answer to suffice even thought she knew it wouldn't. 

"Rey! You can't just leave me on a cliffhanger!" Finn pleaded. 

"Later!" She said, quickly leaving the room and heading to get herself situated. 

She stalked down the hallways, weaving her way around people. When she arrived at medical, she could feel her cut straining behind her leg. She touched it and pulled her hand up to her face as she saw the blood. She turned her body to see a fine line of red in her clothing and cursed quietly to herself for not heading straight to medical. She looked up and glanced around the room. 

A small woman sat behind the desk with her back facing Rey. When she turned around, she jumped a little, placing a petite hand over her heart. 

"Oh, sorry miss! You frightened me there!" Her high pitched voice rang out. "What can I do for you today?"

"Hi," Rey started. "I got injured either in the battle or from training and I need someone to check it out. I just don't want any infections or anything."

The nurse nodded along. "Oh yes, of course, I completely understand. Let's get you settled and I will come and check out those injuries!" She wrote something down on her clipboard and then guided Rey to an empty hospital bed. "Please take a seat, I'll be right back, I need to gather some supplies." 

With that, a sigh escaped Rey's lips as she gazed up at the ceiling, eager to get the pain tapping at her leg and arm away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note:
> 
> hello you guys! this is a new website for me, so i’m sorry if it’s not good quality. 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o author's note: 1670  
> word count w/ author's note: 1722


	3. Chapter 3

"Thank you so much, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it." Rey said to the nurse that had just fixed up her wounds. Unfortunately, the cuts on her arm and leg were far deeper than she had anticipated so she had to get stitches but, after several minutes of sucking in her breath and biting her lip, the pain subsided. 

"Oh, honey, it's my job to take care of you!" The sweet nurse said, smiling generously. "Now, I want you to come back in a little over a week so we can take those stitches out, okay? And wait about a day or two before showering so they don't get damaged. After that, pat them dry when you're done, just don't soak. No baths or anything like that. Make sure you're not putting much pressure on that leg too, we don't want the cut to get deeper from too much movement. Be gentle with your body, sweetheart."

Rey smiled. "I will. Thanks again!"

The nurse nodded and let her leave medical, something Rey had been wanting to do since she entered hours ago. She shivered a little, the cold liquid the nurse had used to help her skin before she stitched it back together made her spine dance a little. A long, white bandage was wrapped around her leg to stop the bleeding and it reminded her of its presence with every step she took. She was given another roll of the bandage material so she could re-wrap her leg after showers. A thinner material was on her arm but she was instructed to go to the nurse to change it every few days so they could check her arm for possible infections.

She was drained and forced herself into bed, fast asleep by the evening and remaining that way until late in the morning the next day. By the time she was awake, lunch had already begun. She scrambled her body up, still in the same clothes as the day before and walked her way to obtain some food, her stomach growling at her for not eating before she slept. 

She slide into the cafeteria and placed herself firmly at the lunch line. Their food supply wasn't at it's strongest but no one was starving and that's all they could ask for. A few different types of cereal were the options for lunch as well as some simple ham sandwiches. The real treat was the bright, green apples that were at the end of the line. Her mouth was salivating at the chance to eat the delicious fruit as it was a delicacy on Jakku. Honestly, most food was a delicacy on Jakku but that didn't stop her from becoming excited at looking at the green orb. 

She placed a ham sandwich in her hands along with the fruit and a container of water. She figured she would take this time to meditate and reconnect with the Force. She found her room after searching the halls and lightly placed her food on her desk. She stretched her arms out and yawned, letting them fall to her side as she moved to sit down. 

"That's all you have to eat?" A low voice said in the air. 

Rey jumped forward, extending her arm to gather her staff in her arm through the Force to fight the intruder in one swift motion. Kylo Ren stood as still as a board near her door, his body not reacting to her sudden movements. She frowned and set her staff down, turning her back to him as she huffed. 

"Yes it's all I have to eat," she said bitterly. She opened up the bag with her ham sandwich and placed it in her hand. She swiveled around in her chair to face him, taking a large bite out of her food. "And what's wrong with that?"

Her words came out muffled because of the food in her mouth and she deeply regretted talking with her mouth full. Kylo Ren scoffed at her, turning his head ever so slightly to the side. He knew she needed to be eating more nourishing food to fuel her body instead of the meek thing she claimed was her meal though Kylo knew she was too stubborn to admit it. Confusion filled his mind for the briefest of seconds as he questioned why he even cared about what she consumed. He turned back to her, gazing into her hazel eyes that twinkled with a challenge. 

"It's best to finish chewing before talking, you know." He took an inch closer to her. "And I suppose nothing is wrong with eating a simple meal of bread and ham; I just figured the Resistance could get better food for their members." 

Rey's eyes narrowed. "They are providing wonderfully for us. I guess it doesn't fit your standard though, does it?" 

"No, it does not." Kylo Ren's blunt comment stunned her for a second but she regained her composure. 

"Oh? And what is it that you have for your meals, Kylo Ren?" She spit his name out with menace. She hated referring to him by that forsaken name but the bitterness inside her that built from him judging her home was enough for her to mock him with that ridiculous title. 

"Depends my mood, honestly. For lunch, we had a Caesar salad with dressing imported from a planet I doubt you would know of. Tonight, I believe we will be having grilled chicken seasoned heavily as well as homemade, buttered rolls with a side of mashed potatoes from an old family recipe of the cook." He said almost tauntingly. Rey couldn't deny that her stomach was drooling from the food he was speaking of but she would never give him the satisfaction of knowing such information. "That's another benefit of joining the Dark Side, Rey. Marvelous meals at the drop of a hat." 

She scowled. "What even is a 'Caesar' salad? I've never heard of such a thing." 

He chuckled quietly, his deep voice sent waves from his mouth. "Caesar was a man. He was a great emperor from a planet that was destroyed many moons ago, before either of us were alive. He got betrayed by his friends and I suppose they named the salad after him in honor of it." 

Rey nodded, understanding his statement but still bitter at him. She swiveled back around in her chair, placing her almost finished sandwich back in its bag as she grasped the apple with a sort of child like enjoyment. 

She turned back to face Kylo and took a massive bite out of the fruit, enjoying the taste it sparked in her mouth. He bit his lip to contain a small smile. He did not want her knowing she brought him a little bit of joy. He looked at her, admiring her for what she presented. 

She wore a sleeveless tan tunic that fitted her quite well. Her normal arm wraps were tucked tightly around her forearms. Her pants matched her tunic and her boots were brown and scuffed up with dirt from the years of wear and tear. Her pants stopped just below her knee when he noticed that one of her legs was slightly larger than the other, as if it was wrapped with a bandage underneath the fabric of her clothes. 

When he glanced again at her arms, he saw the beige bandage wrapped tightly around her skin. A sense of worry crashed into him as he continued his gaze up to her face. 

Her dark brown hair hung loosely off her head in small waves, messily thrown over her shoulder in an attempt to not accidentally eat it. Her face, sprinkled with freckles, wore a light pink blush that dusted her cheeks and nose. Long, black eyelashes floated above enchanting hazel eyes that shone when the light hit them. Pink, plump lips were coated with the juice of the fruit as she dove in for another bite. 

She had been ignoring him completely, savoring the taste of her treat as he got closer to her. He bent down on one knee, capturing her attention. He took his gloves off and gently grazed his hand over the bandage on her arm, wishing it was healed. Goosebumps trailed Rey's skin as he was so close, his hot breath was blasting tiny waves onto her arm. Her discomfort of having someone touch her was not there with him. She had not the slightest idea of why that was. 

"Ben?" Rey said quietly. His eyes slowly found hers. She saw the worry in his brown orbs of beauty. 

"How did you get this?" Kylo muttered, his voice thick with anxiety. 

"Oh, um, either from the battle a few days ago or training yesterday." She mumbled. His mouth formed a small 'o' shape. 

He was filled with a strange sense of regret again at the thought that any one of his soldiers would hurt Rey. He shook his head, refusing to think of her like that. After all, she was now his enemy and the bond they shared had to be cut, despite his wishes. 

‘Why do you even care about her? You know she'll kill you when she gets the chance...’ Kylo's inner voice spat these words at him. He cleared his throat. 

"Does it hurt?" He continued to question, ignoring the cruel and harsh opinion that encircled his mind. 

A small smile overcame her face as she shook her head, biting down on her lower lip to try and mask the small motion. "No, actually. I went to medical today and got some stitches. It feels a lot better than it felt before." 

He nodded along. "That's good." He glanced down at her leg and back at her. His hand gently touched the surface before recoiling away. The act itself sent shivers down her spine, an odd feeling overcoming her. "What about your leg? Is it alright?"

Bewilderment crossed Rey's mind briefly as she had no idea how he was able to tell at all. She nodded again. "Yeah, I got more stitches there but after that they put a bandage on it to stop the bleeding." 

He shook his head, glancing at the floor before slowly rising to his feet. "Oh, well, um, that's good." 

Silence made way for itself in the room, squeezing into every aspect of their interaction. Rey felt the same feeling as before become stronger within her, similar to the one she felt in the hut when she spoke with Kylo that time ago. Like a wave of electricity that caused her stomach to do flips. She had no idea why these feelings were always there when he was near, whether it be through telepathy or truly talking. She always felt this flow between the two of them. Regardless of how strong it was that day, her stomach truly never stopped flipping for Kylo Ren and she was hoping he wasn't spreading a disease. She could not afford to be sick right now. 

Rey turned around and grabbed the rest of her sandwich. When she turned around again, he was gone. She was left nibbling away at the bread and munching into her apple, which was once a treat just moments ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note: 
> 
> here's some cute reylo ness for the soul! i enjoyed writing this quite a bit! also, for those not aware, my upload schedule is every tuesday and thursday but i do edit constantly so if some chapters re-upload, i'm sorry for the annoyance!! thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1822
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 1944


	4. Chapter 4

Rey tossed the wrappings of her lunch in a bin outside of her private quarters. Her eyes scanned the hallways outside of her door, not knowing where to go but that she knew she had to leave her room. If she stayed in there any longer, her thoughts would be full with Ben Solo, which she wasn't necessarily against but knew she couldn't be wasting her time on him as of right now. Besides, she told herself that her feelings for the man were practically nonexistent.

She tapped her tongue against the roof of her mouth before turning abruptly left. She weaved her body down the long corridor, smiling and waving at those she knew when she passed by. The tan walls in the inside of the Resistance base were slightly dirty with green vines dangling wildly from the roof above them. They clung upon the walls and snuck themselves into every crook and cranny. The floor beneath her feet was concrete, greenery popping out in the corners. Some might be bothered by the rustic interior but Rey was thankful for anything besides sand. She found the vines beautiful and haunting in a way. 

To the right, a large, wooden door sat embedded in the wall. Rey stopped before it and gave it a gentle knock, hoping to speak to the person inside. 

The door crept open, a small woman standing behind it, standing straight with authority. Her face was hardened from years in the Resistance but her soft features made her look much more approachable, though no one would recommend underestimating her. Her gray hair was pulled back, away from her face in some extravagant braids combined into a bun. Rey's face lit up with joy at the sight of her. The woman let a small smile grace her face as she opened up her hands, accepting the Jedi before her. 

"Oh, Rey," the woman began, her arms still surrounding Rey. "I have been eager to talk to you."

"General, you have no idea how desperate I've been to talk with you again." Rey held on to Leia a little tighter. Leia squeezed her back and leaned away, the smile still remaining on her face. 

"Come in, dear. We have much to discuss." She said, closing the door behind Rey after she entered. 

Her room was simple and modest despite being the head of their organization. Her bed held simple tan sheets with a gray comforter. The furniture in her room, which was limited to a table, desk and bedside table, was a dark wood. Beautiful light illuminated the room from the gentle lamps scattered about her personal quarters. 

The only advantage Leia had was the beautiful window. It showed most of the planet from there, the thick vines surrounding the billowingly trees as the grass was as tall as Bee Bee Ate. Mountains stood strongly behind the trees, asserting their dominance over the rest of nature. Flowers peppered the ground lightly, a stunning yellow coming from the petals. It made Rey take a moment and admire the planet they were on, knowing that she had to take time to train out there soon. 

"Here, sit, sit," Leia encouraged, patting on a wooden chair. 

She bustled around her room, opening up a cabinet Rey hadn't noticed and pulling out a little teapot. She struck a match and let the blaze consume a small pile of twigs in a little metal container. Placing a flat lid on top of it, she used it like a miniature stove Rey had seen in the cafeteria. She set out tea cups before turning her attention to the girl before her, settling in the chair across from her. 

"How have you been since the battle?" Her sweet voice filled the room and it gave the young scavenger a sense of peace. 

Rey released a sigh she didn't know she was holding. "I've been alright. How about you?"

She shrugged. "Fine, I suppose." She looked down at the floor. As if instinctually, Rey gently peered into her mind to see the trouble that plagued her. Leia's mind was consumed with thoughts of her newly deceased brother. She shook her head to push her out of her head, sensing Rey's presence in her brain but not upset at her for looking.

The mood in the room shifted, from nostalgia to sadness. Rey put a comforting hand on Leia's shoulder for which she received a sad smile. 

"Enough about that then, there's no use in dwelling in the past when the future has so much to unpack. " Her wise words struck a cord in Rey, her mind instantly wandering to Ben. Leia got up to tend to the teapot which was now making a dreadful hissing sound. As she poured the hot water and began to soak the tea bags in each cup, she began to talk again. "Now, Rey, honey, when do you plan on discussing your connection with my son with me?" 

Rey's mouth dropped down, her chin practically skidding across the floor in shock. She forced her lips shut as Leia stirred the tea and gathered other ingredients but began to panic. She was not ready to tell her of the connection yet as she had no idea what her reaction would be like. 

She could imagine her going in several directions but the one she imagined most was her boiling with anger at the thought of her daughter figure mingling with the boy who brutally killed his father, her husband without a second thought. Her heart rate increased and her palms began to sweat. She ran her fingers through her hair as it had fallen out of her braids. She had the urge to book it out of the room and leave the Resistance Base, never wanting to face an angry Leia who had her eyes set on her. She looked around, tapping her foot wildly on the ground. 

Leia turned around with the tea cups and gave a wide grin at the look of Rey. She set the cups down and giggled quietly to herself. She dropped sugar cubes into her drink, the warm liquid absorbing the sugar as it dissolved. Rey found a small speck of what she presumed to be dirt on the floor and stared at it, too nervous to make eye contact. She desperately wished she could be that speck on the floor. 

"Rey, how long have you been bonded with my son?" Leia spoke gently, taking a sip out of her piping beverage. 

Rey quivered with fear. "Um, for quite a while. I don't remember when it started, maybe around Starkiller Base?" 

Leia's eyebrows went up, indicating her surprise. "Much longer than I was anticipating."

She nodded along, still worried. "How do you know about my connection with Ben? Only Ben and I know. Oh, well and Luke." Realization overcame as she jerked her head towards Leia, staring away from the beloved speck on the ground that had captured her attention before. "Oh please say he didn't tell you. I wanted to be the one who, uh, revealed that."

Leia shook her head. "No, dear, he did not tell me. He wouldn't betray your trust like that." She took another long sip of her tea. "However, he sent something to me before he fought with you a week or so ago. He instructed me to give it to you." 

She rose from her seat and kneeled by her bed. Her old knees gave a small crack and she grabbed her back, groaning a little with pain but dismissing Rey when she tried to help. She pulled out a large box from beneath her bed and carried it to the table, setting it down as a cloud of dust erupted from the bottom as well as an enormous thud. Leia blew the dust off of the box with her hand and her breath. 

"I really did not think it would gather this much dust from being under my bed for a week." She mumbled to herself. "Perhaps we should hire a maid to clean the rooms." 

"Perhaps," Rey added, her curious thoughts staring at the box. "What's inside, ma'am?" 

"I was getting there," she said, shooing Rey's hand that crept up the table. She lifted the lid off of it and had a coughing fit from the smoke that emerged, utterly killing what would have been a very mystical moment. "Stars, I wanted that to look cool." 

Rey chuckled, her brain reminding her repeatedly that her general was before her complaining about how she wanted to look 'cool'. How very Han of her. 

She lifted a book out of the box's chambers. It was old, the leather encasing it warped from time and tear. The parchment papers were thick and yellow, black ink scrawled onto the surface in symbols Rey could vaguely make out. A symbol sat on the front of the book, two morphed shapes encompassed in one, the two seemingly representing opposite things. She couldn't make out the symbol and it's meaning but didn't care as the contents on the pages was much more exciting. She knew instantly what the marvelous book in Leia's hands was and was hungry for a chance to look at it. 

"Luke gave you Jedi texts? To give me to me?" She was dumbfounded. She never believed that Luke would genuinely trust her with these important documents but here she was, staring at a book that Luke had trusted her to take care of. 

She gingerly reached out towards it, Leia placing it gently in her hands. She flipped through the pages. The scent of old paper was strong and it stung her nostrils just a tad. The cover was rough from it being passed on through many generations of Jedis. She begun to pray that this is the book she needed to understand her bond with Kylo. "What is this book about? I only recognize the cover of the one talking about defense."

"This book talks about Force bonds and connections, similar to that of you and my son." Leia said knowingly. 

Rey smiled, so happy she possessed this and eager to tell Ben of her new gift. She wanted to start reading with him instantly and had to restrain herself from running to her room. She hugged it close to her chest and smiled again. 

"Now, do you mind telling me about your Force bond? I feel as if I should know," Leia repeated her previous wishes and Rey only saw it fit to tell her everything. "And before you start, I am not mad. I am thrilled that it's you. You are the only one in the galaxy that I feel could truly change Ben." 

Rey felt a surge of pride and was overwhelmed with happiness. She begun to spill out her journey with Leia, telling her about the hatred she held for him in the beginning and how she found it odd that she didn't have that any more. She discussed the sickness he gave her every time they talked, where her stomach began twirling, to which Leia let out a laugh she chose to ignore. She discussed the time they had touched and the electricity that flowed through them. She detailed the throne room experience and his protection over her and his offer for her to join him. She told her everything, every thought she had been too afraid to tell to anyone. By the end, Leia's eyes swelled with tears. 

"Oh, Rey," she begun. "Thank you." 

Rey's eyebrows furrowed together. "For what?" 

"For saving my son."

"But ma'am," she sputtered. "I haven't saved him yet."

"You already are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note:
> 
> hey! my chapters are starting to find a happy medium of not too long but still long enough to enjoy. you'll have to tell me how you like the story so far in the comments! i know this isn't reylo but hey, leia and rey interactions are cute because it's the mom she never had.
> 
> i do hope you enjoyed this chapter though, i loved writing leia's speaking points as she truly is a miraculous character. 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o author's note: 1995
> 
> word count w/ author's note: 2134


	5. Chapter 5

Rey had been anxiously waiting to speak with Kylo for weeks. Each day, a new wave of anger, annoyance and worry plagued her as she hadn't gotten a single signal from him. He had placed a block where she couldn't hear his thoughts, even when he was sleeping. This alone frightened her as he had never been able to do that before. And he had clearly been avoiding her as she had reached out a few times only to receive static on his end. 

She knew the next time she saw him, she would give him a good, harsh talking to for not at least providing reasoning for his absence. She knew they couldn't speak with each other constantly but he could of told her that he would be immensely busy and unable to speak. Apparently that was too much for the First Order's Supreme Leader. She pushed these annoyances to the back of her mind, too bitter to be bothered with thoughts of him. 

Thankfully, her time hadn't been dedicated to being annoyed with her bonded. Rey had been tinkering at Luke's broken lightsaber in desperate attempts to repair it but to no avail. It's broken parts still lay scattered upon her desk, along with her hopes of fixing it. 

The rest of her hours were a mix of conversing with her friends on the base and meditating. She was unable to fully train yet, as her nurse decided to leave the stitches in for a couple more days, so she had spent hours on the mountains, absorbing as much as she could from the Force. She had tried analyzing the Jedi book but knew she would not be able to understand much without Kylo, which only increased her anger towards him. 

General Leia and her had spent a few lunches together talking about her and Kylo's odd relationship. For some reason, Leia was under the impression that their bond was a romantic one. This came to a shock to Rey and she had to reassure her general that she had no feelings for the man, to which the general laughed and told her to wait it out before making a decision. She just decided to ignore that aspect when it came to talking about the details with her. 

Finn and her had also had some long conversations about Rose. The stress of their surroundings had been confusing him so much he had pushed his true desires to the very back of his mind. Rey and him were able to recognize what they actually were. With a better understanding of his true feelings towards the girl, he decided to confront her and reveal he too was interested in pursuing a relationship. This made Rey giddy. Two of her close friends were on the brink of dating and she was thrilled, teasing them both a little about the other when she saw them.

Poe, however, did not seem as happy about this new development but hadn't said anything to her about why. She suspected that maybe he was sad he didn't have anyone to spend his time with in a romantic fashion. She had this wild idea of setting him up but needed more time to find a reasonable woman before begging Poe to go on a date. 

The Resistance itself was taking a break from planning another possible attack on the First Order. Every member was drained of energy from the last encounter and it was safe to say their enemy was feeling the same way. They still were looking out for any advances from them but did not try and initiate a fight. 

Rey sucked in her breath and packed a small bag in her room, deciding to go and meditate once more on the mountain. She threw in the pieces of Luke's broken lightsaber as well as the Jedi text and some food in a brown satchel. She had been carrying these items with her every time she went on the mountain in case a new peak of interest in these things would encourage her to work on them. So far, she only had one burst of energy when reading the Jedi text and it was short lived. 

When leaving her room, she came in contact with Rose, who was still weak from her injury but bustling with happiness. Rey lit up at the sight of her and the two girls quickly gathered themselves in a tight embrace. 

"Hey, you!" Rose exclaimed, releasing Rey and looking her up and down. She gave a small glance to her bag and placed knowing eyes upon the scavenger. "Are you going up the mountain again?" 

She nodded. "Yeah, I am. It's just refreshing to be up there, you know?" 

Rey wasn't lying when she said the mountains were refreshing but clearly left out the parts mentioning her sitting and stewing in her anger and annoyance towards her bonded as well as her efforts to understand the Force. She was exhausted by her consistent attempts and desperately wanted someone there with her so she didn't suffer in silence. If Kylo wasn't going to answer her, then she was going to ask her friends at the Resistance. 

Rose smiled again, a small one that stretched her lips out. "Yes, I do." 

"Would you like to come with me?" Rey said, wanting someone to accompany her so she didn't drive herself mad. 

"Oh," she began, her eyebrows shooting upwards. "Are you sure? I don't know if I will be able to go the entire distance." 

Rey was reminded of her weak state and sighed a little, desperate for her company. "Why don't you walk with me as long as you feel comfortable?" 

Rose smiled. "Okay, let me go change my shoes." 

***

After a few moments, the two girls set out for their small hike which earned many protests from Finn, who was much too concerned about Rose, thinking she was going to hurt herself. She convinced him that she would be alright but that didn't stop him from staring them down until he couldn't see them anymore. Once they lost sight of him, Rose let out a soft chuckle. 

"He worries too much," she said but her voice was laced with joy. 

Rey looked at her admiringly. "That's Finn for you." 

A comfortable gap of silence crept in. They both enjoyed the minutes, letting the sounds of nature fill their ears. The wind whistled softly around them whilst birds had lively conversations, chirping wildly at each other. The branches on the trees waved, their green leaves and stern trunks never failing to impress Rey. Green illuminated their surroundings. Grass grew proudly from the ground in various heights. Trees scattered the surface, each one large and covering a great area. Animals crawled around the trees, some using them as a shield and others crawling their way around the trunk. The path they walked on was a rich brown, the soil knowing of the many people that have walked on it. The air was clear and almost sweet, as if you could taste it. 

Rey was content with the quietness as well as the beauty of the scene before her until she had a spike of curiosity for her friend that walked beside her. "By the way, how are things going with you two?"

Rose smiled, her teeth peeking out from underneath her lips. Her chubby cheeks were rosy and a few small, breathy laughs fell out of her mouth in waves. "Things are...going."

She giggled for her. Very rarely did Rey get to indulge in what she had heard people call 'girl talk' and she did enjoy the moments she did. "Oh, please tell me!" 

"Well, what do you want to know?" Black wisps of her hair fell upon her cheekbones, her face growing pinker from the exercise. Rey looked at their surroundings and found a large log sitting peacefully in the distance. She gestured they sit down and as they did, Rose pushed the small beads of sweat from her forehead. Rey felt guilty for making her move so much even though she was recovering from an almost fatal injury. Rose didn't seem to be bothered by that and seemed more eager to chat with her friend. 

"Everything you're willing to tell me!" Rey said enthusiastically as she smiled. 

Rose gushed, her smile growing at the thought of Finn. "Rey, I was so surprised when he asked me out! I was so shocked! I only kissed him because I thought I was dying and that I would never get to express my feelings." Her hands threw themselves in the air as she passionately ranted about their blooming love story, her anxieties intertwining with her excitements. "I thought I knew for a fact he wasn't interested. But here I am, days later, mostly healed with him getting ready to take me on a date! Can you believe it? Me, going on a date! I would've never thought that I, of all girls, would get to go out with someone as handsome as Finn, I can't believe it..." 

Her words slowly started to fade away as Rey felt a familiar pull behind Rose's head. She slowly glanced behind her and saw Kylo Ren standing in the forest, his back facing her. From the back, she could tell he must have been changing as a loose tunic swayed around him. A bit of annoyance struck her as their bond had to connect them right now. She swallowed a gasp when she first looked at him, not wanting to alert either of the individuals in front of her. She turned her eyes back on Rose, determined to spend her attention on her friend. 

"...I wonder if the date is going to be more romantic or friendly, you know? Like a dinner at a fancy restaurant or a picnic. I wonder if there will even be food! Oh, I should probably eat beforehand..." 

Kylo Ren turned around and made dead eye contact with Rey, freezing her in the spot. She had not anticipated him to be shirtless beneath the tunic and have it swinging wide open where her eyes instinctively stared at his chest. His sharp and jagged muscles tensed at the sight of her as she trailed the scars and bruises that covered his torso, not anticipating to see so many scattered upon his skin. He saw her eyes and wrapped the tunic around him, hiding her view from his sculpted chest. He moved to take a step closer to which Rey shook her head, silently telling him that now was not the time. 

She had to seriously fight back the urge to leap from her seat and tell off Kylo for not talking to her or giving her any indication that he was going to be preoccupied for a while. She also wanted to remind him to wear a shirt in her presence but that was at the bottom of her worries with him. She bit her tongue, distracting herself from the man before her and paying attention back to her friend. 

"...Rey? Are you alright?" Rose said, confusion gracing her features. She began to worry, not knowing how much Rose had just seen of her strange behavior. 

"Oh, yes, sorry," Rey began, clearing her throat aggressively, which sparked a look from Kylo. "I got a bit of a headache there and started to lose focus. Please, continue." 

Rose gave an understanding nod before standing up, causing Rey to furrow her eyebrows. "I actually think it's time I get back, I'm feeling a little weak and I think you need some time to yourself right now." 

"Oh, what, no, I'm fine!" Rey stumbled out, tripping over her words. Rose pursed her lips, arching a brow at the girl before her. 

"Uh-huh," she retorted. She let out a small laugh. "Don't worry, we can catch up tomorrow! I don't mind, truly." 

Rey frowned, worried she had just disappointed her friend. "Are you sure?" 

Rose nodded. "Yes! Now let me leave before I change my mind!" 

They shared a small laugh as Rose hiked her way back to the base. Rey watched as she trudged through the thick bushes, pushing past leaves and greenery that enveloped her small form. As soon as she knew she was out of earshot distance, she whipped her head around. 

Kylo stood there, silently watching her. She knew he did not hear or see anything besides her but he must've been thoroughly confused by the interaction. She marched up to him, her small body cowering underneath his large one but her confidence not dwindling. 

"Ben Solo!" Rey spat at him, no longer hiding her annoyance. "Where in the stars have you been?"

He cringed, turning away from her slightly and looking at the floor. He hated hearing his birth name but did not bother to correct her. 

"No, no! Look at me when I speak!" She said. She heard her voice and the tone in which she spoke and recognized how commanding it sounded. A wave of guilt crashed into her. 

Awkwardness crept in as he failed to respond to her. She sucked in her pride and stubbornness, a task that felt impossible. 

In a small voice, she muttered, "Please."

Slowly, he looked up to meet her fiery gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note
> 
> hey guys! 
> 
> big announcement!!   
> my dear friend, unicorns_for_life7 (on wattpad), is rewriting one of her most popular stories! it's a hamilton fanfiction and she is very talented so i would recommend to go and give her some love because she deserves it!! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2200
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2346
> 
> check her story titled kings college!! -> Unicorns_For_Life7


	6. Chapter 6

His eyes met hers with a fierce intensity, one that caused Rey to feel the same sickness she felt with him. The one where her stomach flipped in circles and she became both nervous and confident. She took a large gulp, not daring to break eye contact. Neither one knew whose turn it was to speak so they both didn't utter a single word. 

Kylo was the one to look away first, his eyes instinctively going to her lips. They were full and bright pink, slightly separated as small breaths escaped between them. He trailed her features, admiring and memorizing them in his head. Her cheeks were lightly blushed and the freckles that dotted her skin stood out as the sun blazed down on them. Her hair was placed into three buns, similar to the ones she had when they first met. Baby hairs peaked out from her hairline and it took a lot of restraint in Kylo for him not to gently push them back behind her ear. He feared that was more intimate than what Rey would be comfortable with. Instead, he straightened out and looked at her hazel eyes again. 

She swallowed and opened her mouth, deciding to utter some words to break the silence. "Why didn't you contact me?" 

"There wasn't much time," he responded. 

She narrowed her eyes, the same anger seeping in from before. "Seriously? 'There wasn't much time'? That's your response?" Rey backed away from him and let out a rough sigh, staring at the ground before resuming their eye contact. She bit her lip and crossed her arms. "Ben, it's been days! Are you telling me there wasn't much time in the days you've been given to simply tell me we couldn't talk?" 

Kylo opened his mouth to speak but she continued, not letting him get a word in. 

"And you even put up a block so I couldn't contact you! What's that about? I genuinely thought you were in trouble! But it looks like you're completely fine, just ignoring me for some unknown reason!" She hissed. She stormed away from him, too angry to look him in the eye. Rey sat down on the same log as before and let out a long, dramatic sigh. 

Kylo frowned at her words. He had no idea that them not talking for a week or so would make her this worried and he cursed himself for not telling her of his busy schedule. Slowly, he crept towards her and situated himself on the log, slightly scared that he wouldn't actually be able to sit on it but thankful when it held him up. 

He let the air linger for a moment or two before speaking. "I did not think you would want to know I was busy." 

Rey turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were full of tears but she didn't let any slip. She was still trying to understand why she was so upset with him. Before she saw him, it was just annoyance but the second she caught a glance of him, a wave of worry overcame her. Her tears threatened to let Kylo know of this concern but she kept them back. She was determined to at least try to mask her emotions. 

"Why would I not want to know the reasoning behind you ignoring me?" Rey said quietly. She barely made a sound. 

Kylo couldn't resist himself and he gently probed her mind. This time, her walls of defense were cracking and she was in no position to rebuild them. He slide in as he was desperate to find out why her anger was so high at this point. 

In the center of her emotions, he found her darkest fear. 

Abandonment. 

In that moment, Kylo wanted to kick himself for not thinking things through. While he was trying to do what he thought was best for her, he inadvertently hurt her in the process. 

Of course you managed to hurt her again. 

His inner voice came back to remind him of his failures. His self loathing grew higher and he had to shove the feelings down out of fear that Rey would sense it. He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind, refusing to focus on himself when the woman before him deserved all of his undivided attention.

"I was not ignoring you," Kylo started, scooting closer to her on the log. He took her small hand in hers, afraid she would pull away but she didn't. She watched his action as he drew comforting circles with his finger. He looked down as he spoke his next words."I thought you would prefer me gone than constantly around." 

With that, a small sob escaped her mouth and she quickly cupped her hand over it to mask the noise. She rose to her feet, her back facing him. He stood up as soon as his legs permitted him, wanting desperately to comfort her. 

Rey let a few tears escape the corners of her eyes, wiping them away with her hands as soon as they fell. She took several deep breaths, trying to return to a normal heart rate. She was conscious of Kylo burning a hole in the back of her head but did not dare turn around. She was silently cursing herself for crying in the first place which only encouraged a few more tears. 

She wondered if she had entered her menstrual cycle as she was always been told that women were more emotional during that period of time though she usually chalked that belief up to misogyny. As of right now, she was searching for any reason to blame her outburst on as she couldn't pinpoint her own emotions.

When a few minutes passed by, she regained her normal composure. Rey turned to face him and cleared her throat. Her face was a darker shade of pink and the top of her nose was still red. Her eyelashes glistened from the tears, making them appear longer and darker in color. She looked up at him with prideful but hurt eyes. 

"Well, you're wrong." Rey stated. Her voice was croaky but she cleared her throat once more in a dire attempt to sound completely normal. She glanced at the floor, trying to avoid his sharp gaze. 

"I'm sorry," Kylo said. Her eyes shot back up to him, wondering if she heard him correctly. He looked at her with vulnerable eyes, pleading that she believe him. She couldn't help but accept his apology. 

He took a few steps forward so they were inches apart. He lifted his hand and gently took hers again. He gave it a light squeeze. She smiled up at him, surprisingly happy with the physical contact. It made her feel warm and her stomach started to flip harder than before. 

"It's fine," she whispered. She studied the floor again to avoid eye contact, afraid that if she looked at him again, more tears would fall. She felt so vulnerable in this moment. 

Time passed slowly, the both of them letting it fill the space between them. It was a comfortable silence they shared and neither was bothered by the lack of words. Eventually their eyes met again and they studied the features of each other they both secretly adored. The wind blew by them, encompassing them with it's cool touch. This made Rey intertwine her fingers with his to keep their hands warm. 

Kylo's tunic opened slightly and the top of his scarred chest touched the air around them. Rey looked upon the imperfect lines on his skin and wanted to know more. She noticed the scar she gave him, trailing from his face down his body in a swift line. Right beside it, another scar laid and she did not recall seeing this the last time she saw him without a shirt. 

It was bright red in color and was laying on the inside of his right bicep. The skin there looked as if it was torn with a different tool, a knife she supposed. This was unusual as the First Order usually used lightsabers and fire blasters. She wondered who would've done this to him. Rey looked back at him. His brown eyes had been studying her intently. 

She took a step forward, curious if he would let her examine the cut but he wrapped his tunic tighter, dropping her hand in the process. Rey blushed furiously and stared at the ground instead. She noticed her brown bag staring up at her from it's place on the dirt. She widen her eyes as she bent down to grab it. 

Rey sat down on the log again, patting the seat next to her as a signal for Kylo to join. He did and watched her as she shuffled through the satchel. She pulled out a large book with old pages. The cover was old leather wrinkled with time bearing a symbol scratched on the surface. His mouth opened a little when he saw it. 

"This is the reason I've been wanting to talk to you," Rey said, placing the bag at her feet and resting the book on both of them, balancing it on top of their thighs. "Leia gave this to me a week ago. Apparently, Luke told her to give it to me. It talks about Force bonds and connections, like the one we share." 

"May I?" Kylo politely asked and she gave him a swift nod. His large hands went on either side of the book, brushing her thigh lightly, and raised it in front of him. He stared at the words, recognizing most of the symbols from when he was training underneath his uncle. The pages were dirty but well loved, clearly from being passed down to each Jedi at some point in time. His fingers flipped through the book, nostalgia coming back to him in waves as well as a small bit of sadness. 

"The thing is," Rey began, staring nervously at the book. "I didn't get to read this with Luke. And I didn't get to finish my training. So I-"

"You don't understand all that it says?" He finished for her, shutting the Jedi text shut. She gave a bashful nod. 

"I just was hoping you wouldn't mind if we could read it together." Rey bit her lip. Kylo gave a big sigh, staring at the floor before looking back at her. 

"Do you really think that would be wise? We're on opposing sides, Rey." He said which resulted in Rey giving him a thin lipped frown. 

"I know we're on opposing sides," she said, giving him a look. "But what I guess I'm asking is, don't you think we could put that away just for reading this together? We still have this bond for a reason so maybe this is why." 

He nodded along to her words but pursed his lips while in thought. "You want us to ignore sides and focus on reading and understanding this?" 

"Yes." 

"It's most likely going to be difficult." Kylo stated, doubt sinking in his veins. Rey, however, was determined to get a positive response from him. 

"I can handle difficult," she said before moving her body so she was fully sitting on the log, facing him. She tauntingly leaned towards him. "Can you?" 

His brown eyes stared deeply into hers. "You know I can." 

"Then what's the harm in saying yes?" Rey questioned. Her eyes twinkled as her lips turned slightly upright to form a small smile, her white teeth appearing from beneath them. 

She knew what she was doing. She knew that both her and Kylo were competitive and stubborn beings and all she needed to do was tease him with a challenge. She smiled on the inside at the thought of slowly getting to understand the mechanics behind Kylo Ren and possibly Ben Solo. 

He shook his head, dropping their gaze and looking at the sky. He licked his lips and looked back at Rey, her body leaning in and begging him to say yes. 

"Fine." 

Her smile widened instantly. "Thank you!" 

She stood up abruptly and took his hand in hers, shaking it as if it were a business meeting. Her heart rate increased at their physical contact and she fought hard to fight the blush that crept onto her face. The joy she was feeling in that moment was something she hadn't felt in a while and she was anxious to start reading.

She looked out at the sky and figured she better start heading back to the base. She looked at Kylo, who sat there and watched her place the Jedi text in her bag before throwing it over her shoulder. 

A teasing tone escaped Rey's mouth as she said, "I'll see you soon, Master." 

With that, she started her small hike down the hill, not caring to see when the bond flicked off with Kylo. 

Without her knowledge, his face turned beet red at her comment. He choked on his saliva a bit and began to cough, thankful that by the time he was doing so, their connection had ended. He searched for a glass of water in his quarters and chugged it, pushing away the droplets that escaped his mouth. He blinked a few times and the blush only increased. He knew she was joking but a small part of him wished she wasn't. 

One thing he knew was that if Rey was going to call him Master, Kylo seriously needed to start preparing himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note
> 
> hey you guys! this was probably my favorite chapter to write so far. and yes, there is some cute moments between our favorite couple here! make sure that you guys comment your thoughts! i do want this to be an interactive platform so your words mean everything to me! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2143
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2274


	7. Chapter 7

Rey basked in her success on her journey down the hill, smiling at herself for her accomplishment. She was barely counting down the minutes to when they could begin studying and silently cursed herself for leaving him just a few moments ago. She knew that if she stayed on the mountain too long though, people would get curious and she wasn't good at lying. She sighed, knowing it was for the best but still wanting to be in Kylo's presence. 

Once she entered the base, Finn came rushing up to her. He escorted her to what they called the "War Room" as that's where they discussed their tactics and strategies for upcoming events. 

Worry plagued his features and she instinctively began to wonder what could've happened. He gave her a quick hug once they had arrived and took a deep swallow. Members of the Resistance sat in silence as they watched their exchange. Several people stopped what they were doing and looked at them with concerned eyes. Many leaned in and begun whispering words Rey couldn't make out. 

"Finn?" she questioned. She scanned the room only to sense real worry from nearly every individual. "What's wrong? Are you alright? Has something happened?" 

"Rey," Finn started, twirling a piece of his hair in his fingers. "I'm sorry, I know you were just done meditating but I thought you would be mad if I didn't tell you so when I saw you through the window, I came running here and-" 

"What's wrong?" Rey interrupted, her brows furrowed in frustration. "Please tell me what's going on, Finn." 

"I'm sorry! I really am! It's all my fault!" He said, letting tears stream down his face. He collapsed upon a chair, his head heavy in his hands. Rose emerged from behind and wrapped her arms around him as she gently rubbed his arm. He buried his face into her shoulder, letting himself fully succumb to his emotions. 

Rose gave a solemn look to Rey, a sigh escaping her lips. "Poe's gone." 

Confusion crossed her mind as she stumbled over her words. "Poe's gone?" 

Rose nodded. She scanned the room to see every one else giving sad nods or staring intently at the floor. She looked back at Finn, who was still buried into his companion's shoulder. Her mouth hung open in shock and so many questions flooded to the surface. 

"Why? How? When?" She let the words fall out from her lips. "What would make him do this?" 

Rose patted Finn on the shoulder, singling him to stand upright and face Rey. "Tell her." 

He sniffled and looked at Rey. He wiped his tears away and stood up straight. Rose held his hand, drawing small circles on the outside with her fingers to comfort him. He took a deep sigh, his breath audibly shaking. 

"It's all my fault, Rey." Finn started to which Rose shook her head but looked down. It was clear to Rey they disagreed on this topic. "He came to me today, after you went with Rose. He started asking me questions about my relationship with her and my relationship with you. He was getting really irritated or annoyed and nothing I said seem to calm him down and-"

There was a visible pause so tense that Rey imagined the world had stopped for a moment. 

"After a few minutes, he tried to kiss me." 

Rey's mouth opened a little. She had definitely forgotten about his attraction to both genders as she had mainly witnessed him seducing ladies. Suddenly, it made sense. That was why he was so upset when Rose and Finn got together. He wanted Finn for himself. He was in love with the man and couldn't express it. She placed a hand over her mouth, her heart reaching out to Poe as she felt his heartbreak. 

Finn took a deep breath. "I told him I wasn't interested in him like that and he got really angry. I think I might have denied him too harshly or phrased it wrong because I've never seen him act like that before. He started to yell at me, telling me that I lead him on and that he wasted his time. He threw a chair against the wall and then stormed off. A few hours later, I tried to look for him to apologize but both him and Bee Bee Ate were gone, along with his ship." 

Tension in the room grew as each member took in what Finn had said. It appeared as if they all were hearing the raw details at the same time as her. Rey nodded along and released a sharp breath. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, letting her head sag down while she dropped her head to face the floor, inadvertently mocking the pose Kylo Ren had so infamously claimed in her presence. She bit her lip as she tried to think of where he could've gone. She looked back at Finn, his eyes still glistening from the tears he shed. 

"If I had just been nicer to him..." he started. "Maybe he wouldn't have left." 

"Finn, it's not your fault." Rey stated, looking him sternly in the eye. "It was his choice to leave, not yours. Do not put the blame on yourself when you did nothing wrong." 

He inhaled sharply, wiping his eye to stop any new tears from rolling down his face. Rose placed a gentle kiss to the back of his hand. He gave her a sad smile before squeezing her palm lightly. 

"It's okay, Finn." Rose whispered to him, just loud enough for the people in their inner circle to hear but she didn't care if they did. It was evident all she cared about it that moment was Finn. "You didn't do anything wrong. I promise you that." 

He nodded slowly and pressed his forehead against hers as they shared a tender moment. Rey hated to break it but she knew that if they didn't act fast, they were going to completely lose Poe. 

"Has Leia been informed of all of this?" she questioned, turning her gaze to the other members. 

"She has," replied an older man with a full beard of tentacles. "Unfortunately, she's not feeling well so it's up to us to figure out a game plan." 

"She's not feeling well?" Rey repeated. She sighed, wondering if everything fell apart as soon as she left the base. "Well alright then. One problem at a time. Does anyone know where Poe might go? Maybe a planet he cares about? If you remember anything, regardless of how small, tell us. We need to find him." 

People began conversing with each other, asking questions to try and remember details about the young pilot. A large woman looked her up and down with investigative eyes before going to find a group.

Noise quickly enveloped the room they were in, growing louder by the minute. Rey looked around, waiting for someone, anyone to say something that would help them out. She called out to the group, asking them if they could lower their voices so they could have a discussion but they ignored her pleas. Frustration grew in her and she was tempted to yell at the top of her lungs but did not dare attempt. 

She felt a small pull at the bottom of her pants and turned around. A small creature with one massive eye in the center of his face looked up at her and sighed with relief when he grasped her attention. His skin was dark green and his black hair stuck out in contrast. He wore tan robes that were tailored to his tiny form and he had a full mustache that encompassed the bottom half of his face. 

"Finally!" he exclaimed, his voice many octaves lower than she was expecting. Honestly, if he didn't have the large mustache, she would've mistaken him as a child. "I have been calling your name repeatedly!" 

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said bashfully, rubbing a spot behind her neck as a nervous habit. He motioned for her to sink down to his level and she obliged. 

"I think I have some useful information regarding the missing pilot." His voice shook with authority and she was reminded of the task at hand. 

He stuck out his tiny palm, waiting for her to grasp it. She slowly extended hers and they shook hands, his barely taking up space in hers. "Hello, my name is Orion Cassiopeia. Feel free to just call me Orio." 

"Hello Orio, I'm Rey." She said politely, staying crouched near the floor to better understand him. 

"I know," Orio stated. His eye gave her a look of both understanding and annoyance at her not-so-brilliant introduction. Rey blushed with embarrassment. He twisted his head to see if anyone was paying attention before gathering a bit of his mustache in his fingers. He twirled it about and leaned in close to her. "Now, regarding Dameron. I heard him talking about leaving before he spoke with Finn." 

Rey raised her eyebrow. "Oh? Was he talking to someone on base?" 

He shook his head. "No, he was delivering an intercom message."

"What do you remember from the message?" Rey bit her lip with hope. 

"He plans to return to Yavin. Apparently, that's his home planet. But there's more," The green man said knowingly. "The pilot told whoever he was speaking to that he wouldn't leave if Finn shared his feelings."

Her heart sank a little at the thought. "Do you have any idea of who he was talking to? Did he ever say a name?" 

Orio's eyes widened slowly. His large eye seemed to bob along when he moved his head and it made Rey's hairs stand up. "I do not know who but I was under the impression that it was not someone with good intentions." 

Her eyebrow perked. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" 

Orio inhaled sharply. "I believe he was talking to someone from the First Order." 

Rey stood up, bewilderment still plastered over her features. She ran her hand over her hair as anxiety and curiosity pumped through her veins. Her eyes scanned the room again and then looked back down at the mustache wearing dwarf. She went down to his level once more. 

"Is it alright to announce this information?" she politely asked Orio. 

He nodded and then opened his mouth. "Do not tell them I told you this. Not everyone here is a fan of me or my kind." With that, he slithered into the crowd, melting into them within seconds. 

Rey stood up abruptly and placed a few fingers in her mouth. She blew air through them in an attempt to whistle but instead it came out as muffled cries. Redness quickly crept onto her face and she was thankful people were too invested in their conversation to care about hers. Instead, she clapped her hands loudly until all eyes were on her.

"Okay, I've gotten some information regarding Poe. It sounds like he's planning to return to his home planet which is called Yavin. Has anyone been there before?" A few hands flew into the air and she nodded along. "Good. Let me know what you think but I do believe it would be best if we selected a crew to go and get him." 

"Why should we go and get him? He left!" The same large woman who eyed her suspiciously before asked loudly, earning a few nods and shouts of approval. 

"He's part of our family," Rey began. She did not want to tell them why they needed to find him so fast but feared that she was going to have to in the upcoming moments. "We can't just give up on him." 

"He was the one who decided he didn't want to be a part of this family!" The woman yelled again. 

Rey let out a long sigh. The time to reveal the truth came faster than anticipated. "Look, I hate saying this but it must be said. We believe he's meeting someone from the First Order."

Gasps and shock filled the room. People frantically whispered around, clearly afraid for their lives. 

"And you want us to go find him even though he betrayed us for them?" The woman practically spat at her, distaste filling her mouth. 

"What's your name, Miss?" Rey asked politely. 

The woman scanned her up and down before grunting, "Ezma."

"Alright. Say, Ezma, if you were heartbroken and alone and made a bad decision, would you want us to ignore you? Wouldn't you want us to do the same for you as we're trying to do for Poe?" Rey argued, making dead eye contact with the woman. "Would you really want us to abandon you when you needed help the most?" 

The room stayed quiet at her words. Ezma stared at the floor and shut her mouth, not daring to speak. She felt a strong pang in her chest as the anxieties of their new adventure crept it and had to fight hard to shove it down, refusing to think of her feelings during this time. Right now, she had to be strong for the Resistance. 

"That's what I thought," she said sharply. She looked back at everyone else, scanning the room and smiling lightly at those who looked frightened. "Now, if you've been to Yavin, please step forward. We're going to need as much guidance from you as we can get."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note:
> 
> hey you! i hope you are enjoying your week! don't worry, i know that this poe drama is taking away from reylo but it's okay, it all helps the story. besides, we love our pilot drama king! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2248
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2354


	8. Chapter 8

"If you don't know much about Yavin but want to be apart of the crew, come up front." Rey said, motioning for people to crowd towards her. "If you don't want to go, please start loading up a ship or two for our departure. The more we work as a team, the faster we can get Poe home."

People immediately disbanded into two groups. One smaller circle encompassed Rey as individuals who wanted to help personally came forward. The other group were people making a list for how to prepare ships for the crew that were to head out. She felt oddly proud that so many people had actually listened to her words. Leadership was a quality that was new to Rey as she never had to use it much before. She had to admit that she was enjoying it and loved the community it created. 

She turned her focus back on the people standing near her. She motioned for them to sit down at a large table and they all did. Quickly, before she forgot, she rose to grab a sheet of paper and a pen to write down any notes on the meeting ahead. At the base, Leia had been teaching her how to write and she was so thankful and knew she had to take any opportunity to practice. 

She cleared her throat once she sat down and began to speak. "Alright, thank you for everyone who wants to help. It really does mean a lot." Rey gave them a sincere smile. "Now, if you know Yavin, put your hand in the center of the table." 

Three hands crept into the middle and she nodded when she saw them. "Thank you. Okay, we need to know your names and what you know of this planet. Let's go left to right."

The members turned their gaze to a small being whose hand was on the far left. A young man with dark skin and long, white hair looked up at her with fear in his eyes. He pointed at his chest, not sure if he was to be the first one to speak. "Me?" 

Rey nodded, encouraging him to speak. "Yes, please."

He took a large gulp before adjusting in his seat. "Oh, well my name is Jenkins and I was born there and stayed until I was about 13. It's a jungle planet and the trees are very thick. Like, we will need to find an area with zero trees to land the ship or send a few people down to cut at some leaves because there is no way we will be able to shove a ship in without crashing." 

Rey scratched down this information messily on the paper before her. She sighed irritably when the ink started fading out. She glided it over the paper rapidly to try and encourage ink but nothing happened. She went harder but the paper started to rip at her force and she grunted, throwing the pen on the table with a huff. 

"Geez, why didn't you just ask me to take notes," Rose teased lightly. She fetched a new sheet of paper and took the pen. She applied minimal pressure and patiently waited for the ink to resume flowing, which it did within seconds. Rey opened her mouth with frustration. 

"Well, it's not my fault the pen doesn't like me." She stated, her eyes fixated at Rose curving out letters with ease and creating notes that were equally eligible and beautiful. She pursed her lips in bitterness before turning her attention back to the group. "Sorry about that guys. Anyways, thank you Jenkins." 

He nodded. "No problem." 

Rey turned her attention to the man sitting besides Jenkins. He looked creepily similar and she wondered how she hadn't recognized that before. There were only two strikingly different features between the two, this man had a buzz cut, the white stubble on his head peaking out, and black eyes while Jenkins had long, flowing hair and green eyes. She waved her hand between the two.

"Are you two..?" Rey trailed off, waiting for a response. 

"Yes, we're twin brothers." Jenkins nodded along. He gestured to his twin. "This is-" 

"Raanan." he said coolly. 

"Yeah but I just call him Ra." his brother continued lightheartedly. 

"Alright, well, Ra, what can you tell us about Yavin?" Rey said politely. 

"Call me Raanan." he started. "There are a lot of cities in and around the trees. Some are underground. Some are hidden. And some are obvious. And a lot of them don't like the other ones. We cannot mention them to each other when searching for the pilot unless we wish to start a war." 

Rey nodded. She leaned back, trying to think of a way to attack this issue but had to remind herself this was a team effort. "Okay, this is really useful information. Thank you, Raanan."

Raanan grunted a response. The last person they hadn't talked to was the same older gentleman with tentacles for a beard. She smiled gently to show him that she remembered him. He opened his mouth to speak. 

"There's also a lot of different creatures." He said loudly. "We should probably bring a droid who can speak many languages because there are a lot there and I only remember the ones from my district." 

Rey clicked her tongue at that, making a mental note to remind herself to update some of the droids so they would be prepared. "Thanks for the heads up, sir. You never did mention your name by the way." 

"Oh yeah, sorry." The tentacle beard man chuckled to himself. "The name is Azazel." 

Azazel extended a long hand to shake Rey's and she accepted it, giving him a firm grasp before turning her attention to the rest of the group. "Alright, thank you guys for the information. It's going to help a ton, I promise you. Rose, why don't we show our notes to the other group in case they need that information for supplies?"

Rose nodded, still looking down at her paper as she made the final touches to the words scrawled on the surface. "Yup, sounds good." 

"Okay, for the meantime, let's see what we can do to help the others set up the ship." Rey stated. "I'm going to go to the library as well as to see the General for any tips on how to best approach this. Jenkins, Raanan and Azazel, you are welcome to join me but don't feel like you have to. I'll be back in about an hour or so. If things go according to our normal schedule, we should be ready to leave in the next few days."

Everyone gave swift nods and swarmed the other group with their offers of help. Raanan sat in his seat, making cold eye contact with Rey. His dead eyes stared at her every movement and she knew that there was something inside of them that she could not trust. She rose from her seat, maintaining his harsh gaze. Jenkins came towards him and tugged his shoulder. 

"Come on, Ra," he begged. "We need to start helping them." 

"I'll be there in a minute." Raanan growled, his eyes never leaving the scavenger. Jenkins noticed this and tugged a little harder on his brother's shoulder. 

"Now is not the time, man." he stated clearly. "You can't be starting any arguments right now." 

With that, Raanan turned to face his brother. "Who said anything about starting arguments?" 

Jenkins gave him a deadpan look. He lowered his voice to a whisper and Rey strained to listen while also looking preoccupied with nothing. 

"You know she's a Jedi..." 

The other words were muffled and she couldn't hear anything else. Without wasting time, she headed down to the library. Her mind wandered to what the twins could've been referring to. Had there been many arguments between Raanan and Jedis? 

She genuinely had no clue but was far too curious for her own benefit. When Rey arrived at the library, she decided to take a moment and look into the Force. She spotted a small corner where nobody could find her easily and began to meditate. 

She started looking for both Jenkins and Raanan's Force signatures to know if they harnessed any at all. She saw that Jenkins had a very dull, green light slowly radiate from him. Raanan had no Force signature. She could sense his presence but according to the Force, he harnessed no abilites. 

She felt a wave of understanding at this idea. She figured that if she could not used the Force at all but her sibling could, it would create a tear in her view of those who wield it, in particular Jedis. She felt pity for him. 

While Rey was taking the time to examine Force signatures, she found herself looking for one she knew very well. A few moments later and a bright, vibrant red sent vibrations throughout the galaxy. It was easily both captivating and mesmerizing and drew her in instantly. 

Kylo Ren's Force signature pulsed when she saw it. Rey grew closer to it. She wanted to examine it and see if there was a way she could better understand her bonded through the Force. She imagined herself walking towards it, reaching out a hand to touch it. 

Her fingers grazed the surface of it and she let out a small gasp when a string of energy went directly to her core, making her feel more alive than she had ever felt. A rush of power enveloped her like an old friend. Her strength doubled in size and she felt in that moment, she could dominate the entire galaxy. Rey felt as if there were two bodies, one being hers that held so much authority. Some how, she held both of the energy from the two sources combined. It truly seemed as if nothing could ever go against her in this moment as they stood no chance of beating her. She had never felt that powerful. 

Rey recoiled her hand away. A new emotion came over her and she was so confused. She was so terrified of what she saw but also so drawn to it. Like a moth to the flame, there was a part of her that salivated at the seemingly unlimited power she had just seen. She felt the familiar pulse again and opened her eyes to see Kylo staring down at her intensely. 

"Did you feel that?" he whispered so gently. His voice was laced with worry and curiosity.

She nodded slowly. "I did." 

"What was it?" Kylo asked. He realized he was still standing and gingerly sat on the floor across from Rey. His large body took time to adjust to the position before he leaned forward to soak in every word she spoke.

She gulped, her saliva hitting her dry throat. "I think I might have done something. Or saw something." 

His mouth parted a little bit. He licked his lips before locking in their gaze."Tell me what you did. Tell me what you saw." 

Rey nodded and followed his instructions. "I was meditating and looking for the Force signatures of two individuals I met today. I saw yours and started to walk towards it. I touched it and felt something so strange. I've never felt anything like it." She took a breath. He nodded along, encouraging her to speak. "I felt energy. And, power. It felt as if the energy of two strong people were combined in me and I could defeat anything. I felt almost, invincible." 

She whispered the last word, fear creeping in before she uttered her next question. "Did you feel it too?"

Kylo looked at her sternly. "Yes. I felt the same. Like a new, stronger energy was in me. Like..." 

He trailed off and Rey instinctively moved closer, their legs millimeters from touching. "Like what?" 

He licked his lips again. "Like both your energy and my energy was combined. Like both of our skills were one." 

Her eyes widened. "It felt like...balance. Like an actual balance in the universe." 

He nodded again, looking at the floor. They both were astonished by this new discovery and neither knew what to say or do. They sat in silence for a moment. Rey's brain was working rapidly to try and understand or remember anything about what was going on. 

"See, Ben," she started. "This is why we need to read the Jedi text together. That way we know what's happening to us."

Kylo rolled his brown eyes. "Yes, I am aware." 

Rey gave him a gentle smile before they sat in a comfortable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note: 
> 
> hey you! how are you enjoying this so far? anything you think would add to the story? feel free to comment! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2075
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2082


	9. Chapter 9

"Speaking of which, if you have them on your person, we can begin studying. I'm in between meetings right now so we can squeeze in a lesson." Kylo asked politely. 

Rey's lips curled upwards with excitement. "No, I don't have them on me but my room isn't far away. Would you mind following me to it? I know you can see me so I bet you could follow me." 

His brows furrowed. "I don't see how that will work. We've never tried that before." 

"Can we test it?" Rey pleaded. She stood up and offered a hand to the man sitting in front of her. He didn't take it and rose slowly on his own. She dropped hers with a light bitterness but decided to ignore the feeling.

"I suppose." Kylo drawled out in a low voice. He stared in awe as her smile widened but remained deadpan in the face. 

"Thank you, Ben!" Rey said excitedly. She began to walk towards her room, weaving her way through the familiar hallways. She heard him breathe from behind her, his sharp intakes when they rounded a corner reminding her of his presence. She felt odd knowing that the people who saw her had no idea of the man stalking her from behind. She chuckled at the idea. 

"I'm not stalking you. You asked me to follow you." Kylo said, clearly reading her mind. She gave him a quick turn of disapproval. 

"Tsk tsk, you shouldn't be reading my thoughts without permission." Rey teased lightly. 

"Perhaps you shouldn't be talking to me while we walk. I'm sure the others will grow curious." Kylo said with a dull tone of voice. 

Her cheeks blushed wildly at the thought and she was thankful for the fact he walked behind her. Quickly, she began to open the door to her room and motion for him to enter. 

"It's okay, my room is in the corner of the base and there's no one around." She drawled. She gave him an expectant look and a wave of her hand so he would get in her room. 

He gave her a look of confusion. On his side of the bond, he could only see her. None of her surroundings. Only her. 

Rey had forgotten this as she could see his surroundings if she desired but she often opted not to as it never provided anything to their conversation. She motioned again and he took a shaky step forward, uncertain of where she thought he was stepping. A wave of annoyance struck her as she felt as if he was purposely acting idiotic.

"Ben, can you just enter my room please?" Rey pried. She motioned again and when he didn't move, she huffed and stared at him. "Come on, the doorway is large, it's not like you'll run into anything." 

"Okay.." Kylo's uncertain voice wavered and he took a step forward. He had crossed the line into her room and she gave him a gentle shove so she could squeeze in behind him. 

She sensed his tense attitude and gently peered into his mind. His thoughts were full of worry for her. She couldn't help her physical reaction as her brows creased and her eyes widen. Never in a million years did she expect the almighty Supreme Leader of the First Order to have any thoughts of her that weren't in regards to destroying the Resistance. She sucked in a breath before reminding herself that this bond they shared would cause different emotions in them both. She explored further.

In his brain, he was under the impression the he made her uncomfortable. It was if he believed that she still viewed him as Kylo Ren, the monster. Rey shocked even herself when she looked at that detail with disgust. She never truly thought of him as a monster, but why? She knew of all his sins, including the mass murder ones. But somehow, he still wasn't a monster.

Deeper in she looked and it seemed as though he was heavily preoccupied by the looming thought that she didn't trust him. She frowned heavily because she knew it was far from true. She felt an odd sense of trust with him, one she believed to be related to that very special connection they shared. She hated admitting it but she thought he must have been the person she trusted most though she had tried to fight the thought furiously before. She pried in a little more to see that he was sadden at even the thought of her not trusting him. It seemed to give him a new wave of anxiety and she wished for it to be gone. 

All of these newfound fears she found within him brought up a new wave of care for the man standing in front of her. Sadness and empathy welcomed her at his thoughts. She felt an odd desire to comfort him in this moment, wrap her arms around his waist and pull him in tight until he felt content. However, she couldn't imagine herself even trying that. 

"What did you just say about looking in your head?" his soft voice teased but there was no humor in his words. 

"Sorry," Rey muttered gently, stepping away from him and looking around her room for the Jedi text they both had mentioned a long time ago.

Secretly, she wondered what to do to make him more comfortable and to reassure him that she trusted him, though she did not know why she craved his comfort. An idea flickered in her head so she turned to face him. He looked down at the scavenger with curiosity. She slowly extended her hand towards his head. 

"What are you doing?" Kylo asked through tight lips but did not move a muscle. 

She bit her lip and looked up at him through her long eyelashes. "I want to try something that may make you more comfortable." 

"There's no need for that," he stated clearly though his facial expression told a different story. 

Rey smirked. "I guess there is no need. But, there's a want." 

His eyes widened at her words and he seemed to stumble at her words. He licked his lips and looked away from her. Her hand softly touched his jaw, moving him back to face her. His skin shuttered at their close proximity. 

Rey raised her hand to his temple and rested her fingers there. She closed her eyes and called to the Force. She quietly asked them for peace and serenity. She asked them for the man in front of her to have his overwhelming feelings lower. 

Rey imagined the sea. It was fighting ferociously against her, lapping at her legs and knocking her to her feet several times. Each time, she stood back up stronger than when she had fell. She called to the Force and lifted the mighty waves. The water thrashed in her hold, droplets spitting at her with hatred. 

She held the beast before her for a moment or so, examining it with her eyes. A story of betrayal, hurt and abandonment swirled in the murky water. She knew instantly that these were the worries and pain of Ben Solo. Her own heart ached at the sight but it was not the moment to unearth his inner turmoil.

Steadily, she brought the waves down. They bite back like a wild animal but she stood her ground. Rey pushed these fears farther away from the forefront of his mind until they dissolved, some withering into nothingness and others sinking deep in the depth of the ocean of his brain. The erratic waves that danced moments ago now resembled a calm sea. The horizon was even and the sun blazed with pride down at her. 

Rey opened her eyes to look at Kylo, praying he felt the calmness she had just created. His eyes stared at her with admiration. His mouth hung open and he gazed at her with so much wonder in his heart. Without his knowing, he was projecting these strong feelings into her and she blushed from his thoughts. 

"How-how did you do that?" Kylo stuttered, still taken aback by her gesture. 

"It worked?" Rey said happily, knowing it must have worked a little but wanting the confirmation. Her hand skimmed his face before landing on his shoulder, which in turn made his cheeks flare red. 

"Yes, it worked. It worked quite well." Kylo said, looking her face up and down with a sort of hunger. He opened his mouth to speak again, barely making any noise as he attempted to utter a sound. She sucked the words out of him as her eyes peered into his. 

She smiled up at him. She felt so flattered by his actions and words that she had to turn away, afraid he would see the steadily increasing blush on her face. She looked at the floor and noticed how close they were standing. She remembered her hand on his shoulder and lowered it to her side. 

"I'm glad it helped you," she whispered, slowly meeting his gaze. 

Kylo looked at Rey and lowered his head slightly. He waited for her to recoil away but was more taken aback when she didn't. Instead, she peered up at him with wanting eyes. He leaned in just enough for their foreheads to rest against each other. He realized a big sigh and closed his eyes. 

"Thank you," he said. 

Kylo felt very vulnerable in that moment. He both loved and hated the idea that he let her take away his pain. Even if it was just for a while, the gesture was enough for his heart to stop completely. The battle within wanted to spill over again in that moment but he kept it at bay. For now, he wanted to silently admire Rey before they resumed their position as enemies who happen to share a bond.

He began to remember the traits he admired so deeply of her. The selflessness that Rey had was too remarkable for words to describe. She was constantly putting herself above others and it never ceased to place him in a state of awe each and every time. The beauty of this woman was unmatched by anyone in the entire galaxy. 

"Of course," Rey said lightly. "I'm here for you, Ben." 

She too closed her eyes and indulged in their moment of intimacy. With timid hands, she wrapped his hand with her own. She gently leaned her body into his. He quickly responded, wrapping his large arms around her waist to press her against him in a tight embrace. This caused her to let go of his hands and move to his arms. 

She gasped a little at his quickness but let out a small, breathy giggle. She smiled and gently opened her eyes to look up at him. Rey rested her hands on his chest. She felt his strong heartbeat quicken at her touch and she blushed at the knowledge they both were savoring this moment. 

A knock interrupted their exchange and her eyes darted to the door. Kylo let out a grunt of frustration as he released Rey from his grasp. She looked up at him with apologetic eyes. 

"I'm sorry," she said, walking toward the door. 

"It's fine. Should I leave?" Kylo questioned. She shook her head. 

"Let me see what they want and I'll tell you." She responded, opening the door gingerly. 

She swung it open and Rose and Jenkins looked up at her expectedly. They smiled when they saw her and she gently returned it but questioned their visit. In the corner, Kylo watched her but couldn't see anything so he imagined his own scenario in his head. 

"Oh, hey," Rey said politely. She nodded to them, "Rose, Jenkins. What can I do for you?" 

Rose smiled lightly at Rey, sensing her slightly irritated tone. "Hey Rey. Jenkins wanted to talk to you about something in private but we couldn't find you so I brought him here. I hope that's alright." 

Jenkins agreed with her before turning to Rey. "I hope I'm not bothering you, I just thought it would be best if we spoke in private." 

Rey nodded. "Oh yes, that's perfectly fine. Would you mind giving me a moment before you come in so I can tidy everything up? I was looking for something and made a bit of a mess." 

They both nodded at her and she gently closed the door. She faced Kylo with a sad smile. At this time, he returned to that face devoid of emotion.

"I'm sorry but I have to talk to them." Rey said. "Can we talk soon?" 

He gave her a deadpan stare and nodded. "Yes, we can." 

Her smile widen. "Alright. Goodbye." 

"Goodbye. I'll see you shortly." With that, he was gone and she was left standing in her room, wishing he was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note: 
> 
> hey you! 
> 
> sorry this chapter is sort of short, i felt as if the upcoming scene was best suited to have it's own dedicated chapter than mush it in with this cute, romantic moment between our favorite characters. and yes, i'm slightly irritated with myself for cutting it short too so know you're not alone! 
> 
> that's all for today! thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2120
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2318


	10. Chapter 10

Rey opened the door again to face only Jenkins. He nervously stepped side to side until he noticed her. When he did, his eyes widened and he dropped his hands before releasing a mighty sigh. 

"Where did Rose go?" she questioned lightly, looking around the hallway for her friend. 

"She said she had to go check on Finn." Jenkins said. His long, white hair contrasted his dark skin heavily as he twisted it in his fingers, making eye contact with the floor. In between words, he shot a nervous gaze at her. "Something about him stress eating? I don't know, him and I aren't well acquainted." 

Rey let out a breathy laugh, opening the door wider for him to enter. "Ah yes, that sounds like him. Here, come on in." 

He stepped in cautiously. As he studied her room, she studied him. She leaned back against the door and scanned his body for curiosity's sake. He was far shorter than she was anticipating, standing a little above her. He had a petite and slightly feminine build, his shoulders slim and tucked as his arms dangled from his sides. His legs and arms were very long in comparison to the rest of his body and quite skinny. The tunic he wore hung loosely off of him and his pants only hugged his shins. His white hair hung wildly off his head except for a few elaborate braids that laid messily atop the rest. The angles of his face were sharp, similar to that of his identical twin brother. His green eyes were defined by thick, blonde eyelashes. His eyes finally caught hers and she didn't try to hide the fact she was staring at him. 

Rey bounced her body off of the door and took a few steps towards him. She straightened herself out before crossing her arms and extending a gentle smile. "So what did you need to talk to me about?"

Jenkins bit his lip in anxiety. He pointed to a chair. "Mind if I sit?"

"Help yourself," she said as she sat on her poorly made bed. He collapsed onto her chair and made stern eye contact. 

"Well, I'm sure you were able to tell since I know you're really strong in the Force," Jenkins began, licking his dry lips. "I am able to use the Force a little bit. I'm not trained and I know I'll never be as strong as you but I can use it a little."

Rey gently spoke up. "Well, I'm sure with training you could improve more than you think." 

He shrugged his small shoulders. "I suppose but anyways, that's not the point. The point is that Ra can't use the Force. Like, at all."

She nodded along slowly, already knowing this information but expecting a little more. "Yes, I saw that."

Jenkins licked his lips again. Rey had a feeling this was a nervous habit of his and she hated to admit that it slightly annoyed her. "Ah, well go figures. This caused some issues which is why he has such a cold exterior but I really don't want you to judge him based after the way he acts."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Why would I judge him?"

He raised his brow knowingly. "Come on, I know that he gives off a bad vibe!" 

"Oh, um, I guess that is a little hard to deny," she stumbled, heat flushing to her face. Jenkins nodded along. 

"Now, I don't think I can tell you the whole story because it's not mine to tell but I'll tell you parts." He continued. "When we were 13, our parents made us go live with our uncle who trained with Luke Skywalker before Kylo Ren went to the academy. They wanted us to be trained in the Force but I'm the only one who can and this made Ra, oh I mean Raanan, mad.

"So, he found his own teacher who was a Knight of Ren. She tried to show him the Dark Side and it did not take much convincing on her end. He quickly wanted to join her and become a Knight himself. He shaved off all of his hair, which if you didn't know, is very disrespectful in our culture. It never grew back. Through all of this, the Knight and him fell in love. And then, Snoke found out about their relationship and instructed Ren to kill her." 

Rey sucked in a deep breath as the pit in her stomach intensified. She knew bits and pieces of Kylo's life but she did not enjoy the details of it all as it made her despise the forsaken bond she shared with him. She often felt as if it could not be the same man. The one she spoke with was definitely stern with his word choice but she could sense and feel the compassion that flowed from him in small waves. She felt oddly comfortable while equally worrisome in his presence. However, the galaxy had a much sicker and twisted view of him. He was essentially a drone of the First Order who viewed life as disposable and was not afraid to pull the trigger on someone, regardless of how important they were to them personally. She knew that these were not the same man but she could not describe this well and often opted out of doing so. She felt as if no one saw him the same way she did, not even General Leia. 

Jenkins continued on. "So, he did. And this broke Raanan and he tried to kill our uncle. He knew that Ren had studied under Skywalker for a while which is why I think he wanted to attack our uncle since he did too. He didn't succeed though and our parents abandoned us because of his action since I defended him. We've been together ever since. This is why he's so cold. It's not because of you, it's because of our past. And I would hate it if anyone didn't like who he is because they never gave him a chance." 

When he finished, the visible weight he carried lifted off his shoulders. His posture became less tense but still worried. Rey had been listening intently and her mind had been soaking up the information. She nodded when he finished and gazed upon the floor as she tried to compile a response. 

Her hazel eyes peered back up, making eye contact with his harsh green ones. "Thank you for telling me this, Jenkins. I appreciate it, truly."

Jenkins nodded again. "No problem, you deserved to know." 

He stood up slowly and made his way to the door. Rey watched him and waited for questions to flow in her brain but it was surprisingly empty. He gave a gentle wave before quietly leaving. It was just Rey and her thoughts in that small room. She understood Raanan's anger now, more than before. Of course he wouldn't like her, and he especially wouldn't like her if he ever found out about her connection with the new Supreme Leader. 

Rey released a tight lipped sigh. She was not thrilled that she had to hold this secret so close to her chest as more reasons to contain it kept flooding in. She knew, in the back of her mind, she was doing this for herself and the Resistance. If they knew, there would be such a mixture of emotions that she couldn't handle. Some would be infuriated with her, most likely spitting out names like "traitor" or "sith lover" or whatever lame insult that sprouted in their brain during their fit of rage. Others would beg of her to use it to gain the upper hand against the First Order and she would have to explain that her and Kylo left that off limits. Regardless of their reactions, she knew she would leave them broken hearted and angry. 

She pouted a little. She couldn't help but feel sorry for herself and she resented that trait in her. She had to remind her own brain that the place she was in was far better than the life she lead on Jakku. 

Sometimes though, she longed to be on that dust ridden planet. Her days were focused on her surviving the day. She spent hours trudging in the sand and tinkering on old, battered ships. The marks she had imprinted on that rustic AT-AT dotted the inside with fine silver lines. Days and days of waiting for people who had no interest in her had left her deprived and hungry for love. Her false hope still stayed in that beat up piece of junk.

Memories of her begging for food when she couldn't afford it that day overwhelmed her. Her cries and desperations at the time were mocked by those with an abundance of money. Unkar Plutt, the foul creature who owned her, laid harsh hands on her body as she thrashed at his touch. He beat her, releasing his anger on the small child. He tossed meek portions at her when he was finished. She nibbled on the unfulfilling food as silent tears dribbled down her cheeks, mixing with the build up of sand and blood. Her stomach rumbled and roared, pain in every bone in her body and there was nothing she could do. She remembered looking down at herself and counting the ribs that protruded from the sides. Her clothes were stained miserably, a mixture of every dirty substance on that planet. 

Fresh tears filled her eyes at the thought of the life she lead and a wave of gratitude hit her. Even though she begged for peace in this universe and would stop at nothing to get it, she was thankful that she was here. In this stage of her life, no one beat her. No one touched her without permission. Her stomach never ached the way it used to and her bones never felt as if they would break. The wounds she received got taken care of and she had an accessible shower where the dirt could simply wash away. Her ribs were still noticeable but were going away with time, her stomach becoming slightly fuller. She learned to wash her clothes and even had more than one outfit to herself. 

Yes, life was difficult at the Resistance Base. It was a constant struggle of trying to beat the First Order so peace could remain in the galaxy. It was work all day and even sleep revolved around the bothersome schedule. It was a battle, so to speak. But Rey would chose that battle every day for the rest of her life if she had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys! 
> 
> also, if you ever need a good read on wattpad, please check out "steady on" by madasalice94! definitely my favorite book on this app and i have read it multiple times!! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1778  
> word count w/ authors note: 1866


	11. Chapter 11

Rey barely slept the night away. Originally, worries bombarded her of the day about to come. After a while, her traumatic past came flooding in. She thought she had pushed them away after being ever so grateful for her room in the base. Unfortunately, trauma has a way of finding you and dragging you down to it's maniacal level. 

Memories flashed cruelly through her mind, creating the most vicious of domino effects where each thought became darker and the worst moments of her life played repeatedly. She thought of Plutt and his large hands, his large dirty hands. The hands that struck her, the hands that held back her necessities, the hands that dragged her into the life of a slave, the hands that threw her and scolded her and-

Silent, wet tears streamed down her face at the memory. She hated him for every pain he caused her. 

Rey felt the familiar twinge of the bond but did not care enough to acknowledge it. Instead, she swept the tears off of her face, hiding the damp evidence. Cautiously, a gentle hand crept on her shoulder and she flinched. The hand recoiled away within an instant and she silently cursed herself. Her stubbornness might not admit that she craved the comfort but her heart did. She sucked in a deep sigh, knowing instantly who was with her in that lonesome moment and contemplated talking to him. 

"Ben," she sniffled, not looking around to see him. His hand went slowly to her shoulder again and instead of flicking the hand off, she relished in the warmth it provided. Her stomach started twirling and dancing, performing a small ballet in the pit of her stomach. She placed hers atop of his and gave him a kind squeeze. Her heartrate steadily increased at his touch, the butterflies skipping in her stomach increasing their dramatic performance. 

"Rey," Kylo Ren said quietly. He lowered himself onto her bed with a careful intent. She felt the bed dip at his weight. This caused her body to inadvertently turn to him as she now laid on her back. She kept her eyes down, fearful of showing more emotion than she was willing to. 

His hand trailed down her shoulder to her hand. He placed it between both of his own, holding onto it as if it was an antique that needed the utmost care and affection when handled. His normally harsh eyes were lighter, holding genuine worry and discomfort rather than the cold wall she stared into many times before. Rey couldn't help herself and let her own eyes study his.

They were a deep, rich color, small pools of black and brown swirled together. The light from the moons and stars caused soft twinkles to sparkle on them. They were undeniably beautiful and they sucked the life right out of her. Suddenly, his eyes dropped from hers and examined her hand with his. He drew comforting shapes in her palm, giving it a light squeeze here and there to remind her of his presence. 

"Rey," Kylo began, not losing his focus with her delicate fingers. "Rey, tell me what happened here." 

His brown eyes peered up at her for just a moment. He encased her eyes with his and sent comforting thoughts through the Force. She forced a smile and raised the other hand to her face, pushing back the oncoming tears. She cleared her throat before speaking in a desperate attempt to get rid of that lump that planted itself in there. 

"Oh, um," Rey stuttered, clearing her throat once more. "It's nothing, really."

Kylo looked at her, his brow arched and his mouth in a thin line. "Rey."

Her cheeks flushed. "I said it's nothing."

He shook his head, making a teasing clicking noise as she had during their last connection. He looked down at her hand again and continued to hold onto it. "I know you and I know when you're upset. If you tell me, I might be able to help." 

The blush intensified as she stammered over her words, unsure of what to say or how to respond. Silently, she whispered a reply. "Why would you want to help me?"

His head shot up. His mouth stood agape and his eyes widen as he almost spoke. Rapidly, he shut his mouth while his eyebrows furrowed. He looked at the ground and then back up at her. It seemed as if he had no idea why. "I don't know. Why did you want to help me before?" 

It was Rey's turn to open her mouth before shutting it quickly. "I don't know." 

Kylo shrugged. "Then it's settled, we simply don't know." 

She gave a quiet nod before watching him draw on her hand with his long, slender finger. Silence crept in but it was comfortable and neither one complained. Quietly, she settled herself into a sitting position so she was facing him upright instead of him looking down at her. Suddenly, she became aware of her minimal clothing. She wore a short shirt that stretched to above her bellybutton and a pair of boxy, plaid shorts. She wrapped the covers around her torso to hide his view but noticed he wasn't even staring. That made Rey feel both happy and disgruntled. She hadn't wished for him to be staring at her body but a wicked and insecure thought crept in. 

Does he not find me as beautiful as I find him?

She swallowed with disappointment at the idea. She began chewing her bottom lip, this action capturing the attention of Kylo. He looked for a moment before remaining his eye contact with her hand. He began the pattern he drew previously with that long finger of his. They stared at her hand together, studying the others movements. Slowly, carefully, Rey contemplated telling him why she was upset so she could ignore the intruding, insecure thoughts of Kylo she was having. 

"I was thinking of my past life on Jakku." 

Kylo looked up with so much care in his eyes that it almost startled her. She had never seen this side of him, even when she helped him calm down his emotions before. He licked his lips and nodded slowly as he understood. 

"What was life like there?" He treaded lightly on the topic. He wanted to her to release the pent up mountain of tragic emotions she was feeling but did not want to force her into talking about it. He knew himself how hard the past can be to talk about. 

She gave him a very sad smile. Her eyes were glossy with tears. Occasionally, one threatened to fall but her fingers wiped it off her face before it even reached her cheek. "Hard. Life was hard." 

"What made it so hard?" Kylo questioned carefully. 

Rey looked down at her lap. "A lot of things. The heat, my shelter, lack of food and water, Unkar Plutt."

His brow contorted. "Unkar Plutt? Why have I heard that name before?" 

A tear dripped down her face and this time, she let it fall. "He is a junkboss and slave owner in Jakku. He practically owns all the people there." 

"Oh, wait," Kylo stuttered. "Is he the man who...?"

Rey looked up sadly. She knew what he was asking; was he the man that her parents sold her to for more drinking money? She looked back down and gave a nod. "Yes, that would be him." 

"Oh Rey," He whispered beneath his breath. "How long were you his, uh-"

"Slave?" Rey interrupted as she lifted her head to look at his beautiful eyes. She was no longer fearful of him seeing the tears that made their way down her face in steady streams. He nodded and she replied. "Many years. Too many years." 

He let out a deep sigh. "What was life like?"

She closed her eyes and looked down again. "I-I don't know how much I want to share tonight, Ben. Please don't get your hopes up and expect me to tell you my life story because I don't know if I'm ready to tell that story to anyone." 

He nodded in agreement. "Only tell me what you are willing to share. I cannot and will not force you outside of your comfort zone, no matter how curious I may be." 

Rey stared dumbfounded in admiration for the man sitting before her. She had always found him devilishly attractive but in this moment, he became more handsome. His kindness floored her. In the past, he would have used the Force to figure out her emotions but he didn't even attempt. The Force was a figment of reality and they were sharing a moment in a world of their own. The Kylo Ren she used to know did not act like this. In fact, there was no way that was Kylo Ren before her right now. 

It had to be Ben Solo.

That only meant one thing; he was changing and for the better. 

She smiled, a real yet small smile. Her heart grew as she thought of her vision of him joining her in the Light. This possibility was approaching reality and she was elated, her care for him growing immensely in size. She wanted to throw herself onto his body and immerse him in a hug. A tiny part of her wanted to pepper him with kisses but she ignored that, knowing that her fondness for him was not romantic. Or was it? 

That was a topic for another night. As of now, she was going to take advantage of him showing the kind and generous side. 

"Thank you, Ben." Rey whispered. She squeezed his hand before letting go, laying down on her bed and snuggling into the warm comforter. She scooted to the side so there would be plenty of room for his large form. He stood up in response. 

"Well, goodnight, Rey." He said with a monotone voice. 

She propped herself on her elbow. She furrowed her brow and arched her head. "Where are you going?" 

It was his turn to acted surprised. "You're going to bed, I thought you wanted me to leave." 

Rey blushed lightly but shook her head. "No, stay. Please stay." 

He blinked a few times in utter shock. He placed his hand on his chest before releasing stammered breath. "A-are you sure?" 

She licked her lips and nodded. "Yes." 

Kylo nodded slowly before making his way to the side of the bed. With much caution, he settled himself on the floor beside her. Rey's mouth flew open and her eyes widened at the sweet sight. 

"Ben?"

He peered up at her. He tucked his arms beneath his head. "Yes, Rey?"

"Why aren't you sleeping on the bed?" 

"You need your sleep and the bed isn't very large." He said matter-of-factly. "I am not taking away your limited sleep time by taking up more than half the bed. Besides, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." 

Rey's heart grew even more and the same thought of her vision made her smile widely. Her teeth poked out from beneath her lips and Kylo caught his breath at the sight. She laughed lightly. "You will not be making me uncomfortable. I made room for you!"

He shrugged. "Still, you need your sleep and I am perfectly content with the floor." 

Rey traced her teeth with her tongue as she watched him. She looked at her door for a second and then back at him. 

"One moment." She said before skipping out of his vision. He frowned but soon became confused. He did not understand how he was still connected to her but he couldn't see her. That was a thought they were going to have to discover. 

Soon, she came in carrying a thick pillow and spacious blanket. He sighed and looked up at her as she hovered above him. His cheeks flared red as she bent down and lifted his head, placing the pillow beneath it. She accidentally gave him a good look at her breasts and he couldn't help but fill with embarrassment as a part of him rose to life. He cleared his throat as she placed the blanket over him, jumping into her own bed. He moved to the side so that she couldn't catch a glimpse at what his body had just inadvertently done. 

Rey lowered her hand down to his and they weaved their fingers together. 

"Goodnight, Ben." She whispered, her head hitting her pillow and her eyes dropping shut.

"Goodnight, Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note:
> 
> hey you guys! here's just a taste of ben solo. i originally wanted to jump into the search for poe but once i had this idea, i could not restrain myself from writing it. but i mean, my viewers like reylo since that's what this is so i figured i would get no objections :) also, realized this whilst rereading and looking for mistakes but they don't talking to each other three times in a day even though it looks like that! it's a span of two or three days which is still a lot but like, they're falling in love. 
> 
> also, guys you need to check out this fabulous author!! frcefan69 is their name (will leave @ at the bottom) and their work is great! not only do they write captivating stories, but they actively communicates with their readers. if you want to feel appreciated for reading, their profile is the place to be! congratulations once again for winning the fanfiction of phoenix 2020! you so deserve it! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2067
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2193
> 
> check them out!! ——-> frcefan69


	12. Chapter 12

Rey awoke with a start. Her body flew into a sitting position as her hand covered her heart to try and steady the rapid rate it was pumping. Sweat trickled down her forehead and she pushed it away with annoyance. She released a sigh and scanned her room while her heartrate steadily decreased into it's resting rate. Her room was the same as it had always been. Tan, dirty walls with plants dangling and intertwining with it. The concrete floors looked the same as usual and her minimal furniture hadn't moved even an inch. Her shower door was askew and when she got up to check the bathroom, it looked just as she had left it. 

She let out a breath of relief. She saw a lump of fabric near the side of her bed and crept around to see a crumpled blanket and a pillow that still had a dent where Kylo Ren's head had been. She blushed a little as she remembered their encounter last night, how kind and generous he had been. She smiled when she thought of how much of a gentleman he was and thanked the stars that Leia had taught him that. 

She gathered his sleeping supplies and set it on her own bed. Rey's smile quickly turned into a frown as she thought of the day ahead. They finally were going to head out to find Poe and retrieve him. It had been hard to hide her annoyance with him from the other members of the Resistance but now that she was alone, she could release all of the eye rolls, huffs and snarky comments her body could muster, which was a lot. 

She quickly got ready, stripping of her clothes and popping in the shower to rinse her body of the grimy sweat that had built up from that night. She was trying to remember her dream which must have been a nightmare but she couldn't recall a thing. She decided not to dwell on it as she slid on her clothes and headed out the door to the mess hall. 

The cafeteria was buzzing. Everyone was chatting up a storm, laughter and arguments being heard from the crowd. Simple meals were devoured by hungry members and the breakfast line was longer than usual. Rey sighed and got in line, tapping her foot as she waited. 

Once she got her meal, she found Finn and Rose sitting together and joined their table. Finn looked sad and discouraged and it was evident to Rey that Rose was trying to lift up her partner. 

"Hey," Rey said as she sat down across from the couple. A small smile graced her lips. Rose gave one as well, along with a tiny wave. 

"Hello," she said politely. She gently nudged Finn.

"Hi, Rey," he muttered. The events of the past few days still effected him greatly as he put all of the disappointment on his shoulders. Rey felt a great amount of sadness for him. She wondered if he felt the way she often did, alone even though people are bustling around you. 

From his expression, he did. Rey cleared her throat. "Are you two ready for today?"

They both nodded and she took a big bite out of her toast. Rose spoke up. "A little nervous, but yes, I think so." 

She gave a weak laugh. "Same here." 

"Attention! Attention!" screamed a voice from the back of the room. Almost simultaneously, heads whipped around to see a small man with a head full of wild curls standing from the door way. He cleared his throat, a little nervous from all the eyes, but pressed on with his loud tone. 

"General Organa is requesting a meeting in the War Room at 10:00! Everyone on base is ordered to be there unless you speak with her directly! You have 30 minutes!" The curls bounced atop his head as he read from a piece of paper. He looked up expectantly and everyone continued to stare. He gave a small salute as he marched off, not before shouting, "Good! See you soon, soldiers!" 

Voices soon scurried about as curiosity pumped through everyone. No one could think of a reason for the General's sudden meeting and that only increased the fear of everyone involved. Anxieties meshed with worries and soon, everyone was convinced they were going to die and that the First Order already planned to have their head on a silver platter. 

Rey sat in confusion as well as the rest but her mind traveled to a different place. Instinctively, Ben was the first thing she thought of. She wondered if he was alright or if he was injured and Leia wanted to call the meeting to take advantage of the First Order's weakness. There were so many possibilities and Rey almost felt bad that she truly only seemed to care about the ones involving Ben. It felt very selfish in her mind and she had to swallow the guilt as she turned to Finn and Rose. 

Worry creased his brow as he whispered something to Rose. He slowly looked up to her and made a very audible swallow noise. 

"What do you think it's about?" Finn questioned. He chewed at his lip and she could feel his leg bounce. 

Rose swatted a gentle hand at Finn's leg as if to try and tease him about the anxious habit but it made no one, not even Rose, laugh. "I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just her wishing us a safe trip!" 

Rey nodded but looked down at her plate. She tore a little bit at the rest of her bread before she heard Rose pipe up again. 

"Rey? Don't you think it'll be nothing?" 

Her eyes shot up to see the fearful eyes of her friends. She smiled and nodded. "Yes, sorry, I do think it'll be nothing. If it was a big deal, we would already know."

Finn gave an unconvinced nod. "Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right." 

Rey gave him a stern but loving look. "I know I'm right, Finn. There's nothing to worry about. Let's head over to the War Room so we can get good seats."

They all voiced their agreements and headed off in that direction. Rey repeated her soothing words to Finn to calm him down, as well as herself. By the time they got there, it was already decently full. She saw a small, green creature standing near the back and excused herself from her friends. 

"Save me a seat, I'll be right back," she said, ushering them forward as she walked towards the corner of the room. Orion stood there on a couple crates, making him just a tad taller than Rey. He saw her and gave a wise smile, raising his petite hand in acknowledgment. When she approached, he released his crossed arms and stuck out his hand. 

"How do you do, Rey?" Orion politely said, shaking her much larger hand with his own. She smiled back at him.

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you, Orio?" she answered, letting her hand return to her side. He crossed his again. He had a skeptical look on his face as he studied the room. People flooded in, each one curious of what this grand announcement seemed to be.

"As well as I can be considering there's a bloody war going on," his deep voice drawled on. He twirled the end of his mustache in his finger before returning his gaze to Rey. "Now, what can I do for you?"

She shook her head and began to rub her elbow, a nervous habit she held. "Oh nothing much, I just was wondering if you knew anything about why Leia called the meeting?"

He leaned forward. "What makes you think I know anything?"

She blushed and then furrowed her brow. "I-I don't know, you just seem to be the person that knows these sorts of things." 

Orion let out a deep laugh before waving his little hand. "I'm teasing you, dear girl. I have a suspicion but I couldn't confirm anything before the meeting was called."

Rey let out a sigh. "What's your theory?"

He looked around to make sure no one was listening. He beckoned her closer so her ear as right beside his mouth before he whispered, "I believe the General will be postponing if not canceling the Poe mission." 

Rey jumped back and placed her hand over her mouth to hide the loud gasp. She blinked wildly. In a quiet tone, "Why?"

"Rey!" 

She turned around to see Rose calling her over to sit with them. She looked desperate so Rey gently looked back at the green alien with sympathy in her eyes. Before she could utter a word, he responded. 

"Go with your friend. I believe our questions will soon be answered." Orion said, shooing her away and she nodded. 

"Thanks, Orio." Rey replied before finding her seat with her friends. Rose patted at a metal chair and she slide in. 

"What were you doing talking to Orion Cassiopeia?" Rose quietly questioned, weary of those looking at them. Rey was shocked and leaned in to answer. 

"You know him?"

Rose nodded. "Yes, I do."

"He gave me information about Poe and he has a guess on why this meeting was called." Rey answered quickly. "How do you know him?"

Rose looked behind her and stared at Orion. She bit her lip and shook her head. "From a long time ago. He wasn't a good person then."

Again, Rey resumed her shocked face but it didn't last long before Leia's commanding and well known voice silenced that of everyone talking. 

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Resistance!" She called out. There was a series of claps, to which Leia gave a small smile and a wave. She looked weak. Her hair held twice, if not thrice the amount of gray hairs in comparison to when Rey saw her last. Those eyes that Rey admired so much looked very tired and almost devoid of life. Thick, purple bags sunk beneath them and her cheeks were pale. She leaned against the table for support but when she stood, she took deep breaths to remain afloat. Her steps were shorter and slower. This all filled Rey with such worry and concern but she knew that she would have to wait to discuss that with her. 

General Leia cleared her throat. "Now, I can imagine that all of you are curious as to why I called you in here today." A series of nods and agreement rang through. "I'm afraid I have some unfortunate news." 

Everyone held their breath, some out of fear and others out of curiosity but it was safe to say they all needed the news immediately. Leia sensed this and frowned. She studied the table beneath her hands and then slowly scanned the room. She released a sigh. 

"I have made the difficult decision to postpone the rescue mission for Poe Dameron." 

Anger struck the members of the Resistance. Many stood up from their chairs, the seats clanking behind them as they met the harsh floor. Rey sat with her mouth hanging wide open, clearly horrified at the General's words. She had not hoped for them to be true when Orion told her and now the anger in the pit of her stomach intensified. Shouts filled the room and Leia's face looked pained to have to respond to them. She raised her hands in an act of defense. 

"I know, I know!" She yelled out, silencing the roars from the crowd. "This was an awful decision to make but it had to be done." 

"Why?" a male voice shouted. People turned to see Azazel, the tentacle beard man, visibly showing his annoyance. "We spent hours preparing the ships for our departure! We can't just quit!" 

The General grimaced at his words. "I understand that and I deeply apologize. There were a lot of reasons I decided to postpone the mission but understand that we are simply pushing back the date. I want to rescue Poe but now is not the time." She licked her lips quickly. She made eye contact with Rey who still looked shocked and horrified along with a thick line of anger. "First of all, we all know Poe to be an aggressive man. The thought occurred to me that he could possibly injure our soldiers because he got his heartbroken. We also know he holds grudges and I do not think that in four days he would suddenly drop it. I think it would be best to wait at least two weeks before we go out looking for him but I'm leaning towards a month instead."

More shouts of betrayal and anguish shot up from within the crowd. A young girl with two thick braids stood from her seat rapidly. Rey watched her carefully.

"With all due respect, General," she began, capturing the attention of Leia. "He most likely will have left Yavin by then! We have a short period of time to catch him!" 

Leia gave a sad smile, nodding her head. "I understand the risk but I'm afraid that's what's best for our organization. Despite Poe's personality traits, I have gotten wind that the First Order has changed their base location. I think it would be wise to put our time, money and resources into catching them in a weak moment rather than chase a heartbroken, little boy! I care for Poe but we have to place the Resistance first! 

"If we start looking for the First Order now, we might be able to find their new base and hide out." Leia sighed in defeat. "Now, there's more news regarding them. Poe has been communicating and revealing details with someone from the First Order for a very long time. We had no idea until recently of his deep connection with this individual."

True rage coursed through the people of the Resistance. Screams filled the air. Finn stood up. Tears streamed down his face and he pointed a shaking finger at the General. 

"How long has he been talking to them?" He questioned. 

"We believe it to be around two months before he left us." Leia said. 

"So you're telling me that he was talking to the First Order while he threw a tantrum about me rejecting him?" Finn spat out, treating the words as if someone just force fed them into his mouth. "And I was horrified at the thought of hurting him but he has the audacity to be talking to the enemy? What a child!"

Rose stood up besides him and grabbed his arm, trying her best to sooth him. Rey looked around and noticed no one asking the question she deserved to be of most value. She bit her lip before standing up to join the others. 

Before speaking, all she could think of was how immature and ridiculous that stupid pilot was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys! ahhh this chapter though. i added arguably too many plot points and mini side conversations in it but it's my story and i like the idea i get to do what i want. and yes, so sorry that i am not giving you gives the end of this conversation until next upload. i know, i'm evil. 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2461
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2541


	13. Chapter 13

"General," Rey began in a soft voice. Leia looked at her and nodded. "If Poe is talking to someone from the First Order, aren't you afraid that he's going to reveal the location of the base?" 

Leia smiled at the woman and then whistled to gather everyone's attention. "Rey has brought up an excellent point. Yes, I understand that there is a possibility that Poe will tell someone at the First Order the location of our base. That is another reason why I don't want us going to get him. If a group of us go, and it's usually our strongest warriors that like these missions, they will leave us helpless and low on people. That means we would lose multiple people just to save one. Those numbers scare me." 

The same young girl as before pressed forward with another question. "Why wait to tell us now, General? All of the ships are loaded."

Leia sighed once more, something she had been doing repeatedly during this very hectic conversation. "That is something I take responsibility for. I should have told you sooner and I apologize. Truthfully, I didn't make up my mind until late last night and then was rapidly trying to prepare this meeting. I hope you forgive me." 

A chorus of gruntled acceptances and apologies answered her and she seemed satisfied. She clapped her hands together. "That's all I have for you today, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to let us relax for the remainder of the day but tomorrow, we will begin preparations for our search and defense of the First Order. Enjoy today."

Members shuffled out of the large room, still upset but no longer mad. Rose quickly escorted a still fuming Finn who couldn't control the loud cursing that came out of his mouth in regards to the pilot. Rey started to leave. 

"Rey?" Leia asked. She turned around to look her General in the eyes. "May we speak privately for a moment?" 

"Of course, General." Rey replied, walking back to her and standing by her side. They waited until it was just them and See-Threepio in the room. His metal body awkwardly clanked towards her.

"Princess Leia, is there anything else you request of me?" His metallic, accented voice rang out. 

"No, Threepio, you are completely clear. Do you mind if you leave Rey and me alone for a moment or so?" She kindly replied. Rey could tell she held a lot of love for the bot before her and it reminded her of Bee-Bee Ate. 

"No problem!" Threepio replied, nodding his shiny, gold head. He then proceeded to bow in acknowledgement. "Princess, Lady Rey."

Rey blushed as he hobbled out of the room. Awkward silence filled the room for a few moments before Leia sat down on a chair, Rey quickly following. 

"These old knees," Leia laughed aloud, rolling her hand around the joint. "They will be the death of me!"

Rey smiled softly. "General, what is it you wanted to talk about?" 

"Ah yes," Leia said through tight lips. Her expression went from light hearted to serious and it caused a bit of worry to run through Rey's body. "I wanted to ask you for something."

"Anything." she responded. 

"That's the thing-" She said, taking a break before speaking. "I don't know if this will work."

Rey shrugged. "Couldn't hurt to ask, could it?"

Leia looked up at her expectantly before pursing her lips. "Rey, do you think, perhaps, you could figure out the location of the new First Order base through your connection with my son?" 

Rey opened her mouth and frowned. Her brows creased and she hated that she had to shake her head negatively. "I'm sorry General, but I cannot do that."

The General's face visibly changed from worry to now a passionate plea for the Resistance. 

"Oh, but it would help the Resistance so much!" Leia plead. "Please, Rey, consider it! I don't think you understand how much it would help our cause."

Rey licked her lips nervously. "I cannot. Ben and I made an agreement. He doesn't ask about the Resistance, I don't ask about the First Order." 

Leia frowned miserably. "You don't think you could even for just this one time?" 

Rey sighed a little. A part of her was becoming a little annoyed with General Leia for begging. She knew that was unfair but she made an agreement, a consensual decision with Kylo not to cross that line.

"Look, I cannot. Even if I wanted to. I gave him my word for it and that is one thing I can't take back." She repeated through gritted teeth. 

"I'm asking you to put the Resistance first!" Leia cried. 

"No!" Rey shouted. 

Not only did she shock herself for yelling at Leia but she also uncovered something she tried to hide from even herself, her care for Kylo Ren.

Both women sat in silence for a while. Rey was utterly mortified at the way she just treated Leia. Leia always acted like the mother she never had and here she was, burying their relationship in the sand with her harsh words and tone. 

"Rey, I'm sorry." Leia began. She took her hand with her own. "I shouldn't have asked that of you and I shouldn't have pressed. You know how much the Resistance means to me and sometimes, I tend to put it before things that are more important, like family." 

Rey looked at her and her mind instantly flashed to Kylo once more. She wondered if this was why he seemed to resent his family so much. 

"It's alright. I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have shouted." Rey apologized, giving a gentle squeeze to the General's hand. 

"You were just responding to my pressing, you have nothing to apologize for." Leia smiled. "I think it's time I let you rest and absorb this information, so to speak. We have quite the next few weeks planned."

Rey nodded and they quickly hugged. She retreated back to her room and sat there the rest of the day. So many thoughts were fusing together and she needed time to process what had just happened. She twisted her body into a sitting position and began to meditate. She called to the Force, asking for peace and tranquillity in that moment. However, the Force had other plans then meditation. 

Rey felt a spike of curiosity hit her like a ship and she opened her eyes to glance at Luke's broken lightsaber. It's parts were still in that brown bag she carried up on the mountain those days ago. She tapped her finger against her leg as she pondered whether or not she should try and fix the now useless weapon. Soon, she dragged the satchel into her lap. She carefully dumped the remains and began to study them.

It was split into two main sections with little bits that had been brutally torn off from the Force Tug Rey and Kylo Ren endured together. She sucked in a breath at the thought of that fateful day but shook her head to rid the memory. As of now, she wanted to be dedicated to fixing the legendary lightsaber. 

She studied the cracks of one part and began to pick up the little bits to compare. She noticed a red wire that was severely frayed, it's little head resembling that of someone's hair when electrocuted. She grabbed a pair of tweezers and carefully manipulated the hair like wires into an even twist. Once she was satisfied with the turnout of the wire, she looked for the part that intertwined with it. A small silver part held a broken red casing to a wire but no metal was inside. She bit her lip and combined the two parts of the lightsaber. They fit perfectly and she felt a buzz in the Force as she began to rebuild the broken creation. 

Energy replaced the blood in her veins as her hopes skyrocketed. The tired, empty feelings she felt from that previous morning melted away and was replaced with energy, as if she had gotten a full nights sleep. She didn't think she had ever felt such energy before, it felt as if it wasn't her own. Regardless, Rey tinkered late into the night and far into the morning. Time didn't occur to her as she entered her element of expertise. A part of her continued to wonder why she hadn't felt this motivated when working on the lightsaber before and why her energy had been replenished but stopped questioning it once the buzz from the Force pulsed on. A wicked grin graced her lips and her confidence grew. By the next morning, the halt of the weapon was moments away from completion. 

She took a deep breath as she carefully placed the last piece of metal into it's home. She bit her lip excitedly. Jumping up from her sitting position, she decided to go to their workshop so she could fuse the metal together for extra protection. Then, when she would return, she would put the kyber crystal in and spark the life back into the seemingly dead halt. 

Rey threw the door open and practically sprinted towards the laser. She bumped into people in the hall and yelled out a lazy apology. Finn and Rose were walking from the cafeteria when she collided into their bodies, causing her to land hard on the floor beneath her. She blinked a few times and looked back up at her friends, her grin returning to her face in an instant. 

"Oh Rey!" Rose exclaimed, instantly offering her hand to the girl on the floor. Rey took it graciously and hide the halt of the lightsaber behind her back. "Why were you running?" 

Rey looked around at their surroundings, more to tease her friends than to actually see if anyone was listening into their very public interaction. She looked at them with that same wide smile. She revealed the halt from behind her back and balanced it in between her two hands. 

"I'm almost finished!" Rey cried with joy. Both Rose and Finn's mouth dropped with shock. 

"Oh my stars!" Finn exclaimed. He reached for the weapon but didn't try to pick it up. Instead, his fingers hovered above the surface as he looked at it. He looked up at her with utter admiration. "Rey, it looks amazing!"

Rose gently looked up at Rey for permission to pick up the halt, to which she nodded. Rose examined it carefully, twisting it in her hands as if she was afraid she would break it. She looked up at shock to her friend. "How long did this take you?" 

Rey bit her lip. "I worked all night long. I don't know what came over me but I could a rush of energy, like all the tiredness left my body! I swear it was like I had slept the night away even though I hadn't. Have you felt that before?"

Finn looked at her with a slightly puzzled expression. "Um, I mean, kind of? That sounds kind of odd though, I'm not going to lie."

Rey frowned slightly before shrugging her shoulders. "I don't know why I felt that way but I'm grateful I did!"

Rose smiled up at her. She placed the lightsaber back in her hands and nodded along with her words. "You definitely should be, that looks awesome and I'm very excited to see it finished." 

Rey shook her head vigorously. "Thank you! I just have to fuse the metal together and than put the kyber crystal in. I promise I'll come right to you guys once it's working!" 

Rose nodded along with her words and crossed her arms. She gave her friend a big smile. "Please do!" 

"Bye guys!"

They gave their regular chorus of goodbyes and Rey continued her rush down the hall. She burst open the doors to their work room to see Chewie looked at her with a panicked expression at her sudden entry. He threw his safety helmet over his head and looked at her with a furry paw over his chest. Once he saw that she was completely fine, he grunted a reply and clicked his helmet back in place. 

"Next time you enter, do it slowly!" Chewbacca roared in response to her but didn't face her. "You almost gave me a heart attack and that's saying something!" 

Rey placed a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle but knew he had heard her. "Sorry, Chewie! I just really wanted to finish the halt."

Chewbacca froze and then turned in his spot to face her. He lifted the lid of his helmet once more to give her a confused look, as if he was unsure he had heard her right. "Halt?"

She nodded and showed him the beginning of the lightsaber. His large paws reached out to look at it and Rey dumped it in his hands. He grunted in surprise at the artifact. He examined it as he seemed to recall all of the memories attached to the weapon. He gave a small yet real smile as he growled a response. 

"Wow, I thought it was lost for good!"

"So did I! But last night, I swear I felt all of the tiredness leave my body and I tinkered on the halt all night and all morning and I'm almost done! I'm going to fuse the metal together for protection and that insert the kyber crystal." Rey explained to the Wookiee. He nodded along and returned the halt. He clicked his helmet back in place and resumed the position he had earlier.

"Hopefully it works, Little Jedi." Chewbacca grumbled. She smiled affectionately at the nickname he had developed for her ever since they left Ahch-To. Soon, he began working on whatever he was dealing with originally. Sparks flew around him but he was completely unbothered. 

Rey smiled at the sight before clearing her throat and heading towards the laser at the end of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey you guys!! this chapter is sort of a filler chapter, a lot of them have been recently. i need to properly build up the story before i throw the true drama at you. regardless, thank you for reading and commenting! all of your votes and comments mean the world to me! no idea what i did to deserve you! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2336  
> word count w/ authors note: 2442


	14. Chapter 14

Rey shouted a goodbye at the large, engineering Wookiee. She quickly weaved her way around the halls and made it to her room with more anxiety and excitement than when she left. The halt in her hand was heavy with the same emotions. 

She sucked in a deep breath as she picked up the little poach that had the kyber crystal pieces. This was the part she was nervous for as she did not know if it would work with broken pieces. 

It wouldn't hurt to try. 

Rey thought to herself as she carefully dumped the pieces on the floor after sitting down. She opened up the small compartment in the halt and began to arrange the crystal pieces in there. The blue light radiating off of them was beautiful and intoxicated her completely. 

With much time and careful precision, she had fit each little piece into it. Some wiggled their way in and others needed to be lightly forced in their respected spots. She had examined each piece, taking note of the jagged edges that matched the other broken ones. She was putting together a puzzle and she was determined to finish it. 

After a while, the kyber crystal was completed and a wave of satisfaction filled her. It fit perfectly within the compartment, as it was made to the crystals size, and all that could be seen was the subtle cracks from where it nearly shattered. 

Excitement flooded within her as she shut the little door and examined the fixed weapon. She smiled widely at the sight. She wasted no time and sprinted to the training field so she could ignite the saber. Some people gave her strange looks but she didn't care. Nothing could tear her down from the massive high she was feeling.

A few people were training in there but none stopped to pay attention to Rey. She paid them no notice; she had fixed the legendary lightsaber! She held it in her hands with confidence as she stretched it out. Her finger hovered over the button that sparked this weapon to life. She pressed it. 

The blue flash of light buzzed out from the top of the halt. Her eyes grew with excitement and she let out a cry of joy. She waved it around and instantly became giddy when it remained lit. She began to take her body through the fighting stances with it, feeling so overwhelmed with joy at it working. 

Quickly, Rey felt eyes staring her down. Whispers and words of excitement and wonder were quietly spoken by the members training in the room with her. Others joined in, filing in from the halls to watch the young Jedi.

Rey stopped for a moment after hearing Rose and Finn's voices talk actively in the crowd. When she saw the amount of people, she felt a wave of embarrassment and pride. They all were there, snuggled together closely, to watch her and her new toy. A blush covered her face, stretching from ear to ear and she bit her lip to hide it. 

Rey examined the large group of people until she saw Rose's bright smile through the heads. 

"Rose! Finn!" Rey cried. 

Her friends scooted closer to see her wildly waving at them. Rey went closer to them and held out her new lightsaber. She gave them a wicked grin. 

"Oh, Rey!" Rose exclaimed, her hands going to her face in the moment of awe. She gave a small jump of joy. "You looked breathtaking out there!" 

Finn held a goofy grin on his face. He looked down to admire Rose and her happiness for Rey before he looked up at her. He threw his arm around his girl's shoulders as he spoke Rey's praises, never forgetting to acknowledge her. "Congratulations! It looked great!"

"Thank you!" Rey responded. "I was going to show you it as soon as I got to train a little! " 

Rose bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically. "I totally understand! It looks amazing, Rey! You should be so proud!" 

Rey laughed lightly. "It's kind of hard not being proud!" 

Both Rose and Finn laughed with her. Finn quickly spoke up as he encouraged her to go train. "Show us what you got, Jedi!"

Rey smiled widely, her cheeks hurting slightly from the stretch. She went to the center of the mat and began to swing the lightsaber again. She went over the positions, very aware of her friends watching her and almost feeling that wave of embarrassment again but she wouldn't allow it this time. She felt a great amount of pride that building the lightsaber had worked so marvelously and did not want to shy away from it. 

She brought the saber up to her ear as she got into another battle stance when the light bursting from the top lost control. The sword part of it sparkled and cracked viciously. Rey heard it fizzle in her ear and before she could bring it away from her, it popped and light aflame. She gasped as she felt the light burn her outer ear, some small pieces of hair catching the fire. Her other hand went to pat them out as she lowered the weapon dangerously low. She practically dropped the saber in her state of shock and almost dived it into her shoulder badly. It began to act erratically and, as if it was being controlled by an outer force, slammed the hot light into her shoulder. It cut deep within the skin, going millimeters away from her bones, while she tried desperately to separate her body from it. The saber stood firmly in her flesh and she had to use both her physical strength and the Force to pry it out of her being. 

A wail of pain escaped her lips as she covered the wound. Pain was all she could feel and she groaned out in protest. Blood spewed from her severely open shoulder. She sucked in a sharp breath while she tried to remain alert. The pain was numbing her senses, blurring the edges of reality and she couldn't stay sane for much longer. 

She backed away from the now erratic weapon to protect her body from its fiery attack. It laid on the floor now, the light spitting and crackling. The body of it acted entirely on it's own, thrashing and biting at the mat and sky above. The hilt jerked about manically before the entire lightsaber burst apart. 

It acted like a small explosion. The metal from the hilt tore itself into bits and flung itself around the room. The crowd shielded their faces from the oncoming attack of metal shards. Dust settled quickly afterwards and Rey couldn't help herself walk closer to it, her shoulder in her hand. The pain throbbed miserably but she pressed on. 

The shattered kyber crystal laid in utter ruins. The largest pieces were no bigger than an eyelash and the blue sparkle that was once there had dissolved away.

Rey stared at it with a broken heart. Her hand continued to clutch her shoulder and warm, sticky blood trickled down her arm. Tears swarmed her eyes, both for her failure to successfully bring back the legendary lightsaber and the mind numbing pain she was experiencing in her shoulder. It kept tugging her back into reality and throwing her deeper into her pit of emotions.

"Rey!" Rose yelled, running to her hurt friend with Finn right at her heels. Rey dropped to her knees. She whimpered quietly while she peered up at Rose. She watched as her friends eyes broke at the sight of her so utterly defeated. The tears fell down Rey's face in steady, gentle streams. Rose arrived by her side and urged, no pleaded with her to stand up. 

"Rey, come on! We need to get you to medical now!" Rose cried out, her own dark eyes filling with tears. Finn pulled at her uninjured arm. He hoisted her up, accidentally pulling on hurt muscles and she cried out in pain. 

"Oh, stars!" Finn yelped. His mouth hung open. He looked down at his hands, horrified to see them stained in her blood before looking back at her. "I didn't mean to hurt you!" 

Rey shook her head. Her voice croaked through the tears. "It's fine." 

"Don't mean to break the moment here but I swear to the Maker if we don't head to medical now, I'm going to lose it!" Rose trembled but her words were firm. "Rey, Finn, get moving! She's losing a lot of blood!" 

Rey silently obliged and followed them to the medical ward. She didn't stop crying the tears of defeat and the pain that ebbed at her shoulder didn't help the feeling. 

Rose and Finn ran down the halls with Rey quickly walking behind them. She couldn't will her body into a run so her friends demanded the attention of the hospital staff for her. They were commanding everyone in the halls to move their bodies or they would "regret it," or at least those were the words Rose said. Finn was telling them to get out of the way so they could get the medical help she needed in a much kinder but still assertive tone. She nodded at those she passed in a silent acknowledgment of her being fine. 

The more she walked, the more the searing pain intensified. It felt as if every nerve in her body shut down to focus their attention on her shoulder. Her blood was sickeningly warm as it dropped off her body. She didn't notice that she was making a deathly trail behind her. Suddenly, her eyes felt heavy and her body became weak. She began to stagger and the pain muddled her brain. She stopped walking and leaned herself against the wall for support. She tried to catch her breath as her eyes lazily closed. 

Soon, Finn's loud and urgent footsteps were in her ears. His hand came to her face, lightly patting in to gain her attention. 

"Rey!" He shouted. She opened her eyes to look at him. "What are you doing?"

Rey raised a finger to him as her eyes fluttered shut. "I just need a moment to rest..." 

"You can't rest, Rey!" Finn demanded. "Not yet! We are really close to medical..."

His words fluttered away into silence. She entered a void of darkness and she snuggled into it, her body too tired to do anything else. 

She could've sworn she heard a distant male voice shout her name but her brain forced her into unconsciousness before she could address it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note: 
> 
> hey you guys! sorry for the short length of this one! oh, and sorry for the tiny cliffhanger! i actually think it's really funny because when i wrote this, i had an idea for the way this chapter was going to end but then it went a completely different direction. like, i didn't plan for her to get hurt but i randomly had the idea and then wanted to end it on a bit of a cliffhanger because it's more interesting to read! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1695  
> word count w/ authors note: 1819


	15. Chapter 15

Kylo's long finger tapper mercilessly against his seat as Hux's voice droned on about his new method in attacking the Resistance base. He pursed his lips as a silent way to show his boredom as well as his exhaustion. Last night, he planned to work late into the night so he slept the day away, coursing with energy for the day ahead when he awoke. Not long after he woke up feeling rejuvenated, he felt the rush of curiosity in Rey and absentmindedly transferred their energy without thinking about it, assuming it would be better for her to have energy than him. Her exhaustion flowed in and he succumbed to it, sleeping yet again and ignoring the work he had promised to deal with. 

He regretted it the next morning after nearly sleeping an entire day. He shook his head to try and pay attention to the boring presentation by Hux in this moment. His eyes lazily scanned the members of the meeting and saw the same unenthusiastic expression plastered over them. He quietly held back a chuckle at the thought of everyone being equally annoyed with Hux. He returned his gaze back to the fiery officer who noticed the slight shift from Kylo. 

"Ren, is something of the matter?" Hux politely asked through gritted teeth. "You seem quite uninterested."

Kylo's gaze narrowed. "Yes, I am a tad uninterested, officer, as you are the unfortunate one giving this damned presentation. If this is anything like the other brilliant ideas you've had in the past month, I'm fearful for the direction of the First Order when people like you are put in charge."

A series of chuckles echoed throughout the room at his comment. Phasma bit back a heavy snort as she placed her hand over her mouth to silence it which resulted in Kylo giving her a sharp look but he did appreciate the laugh. Hux stood at the top of the room in a fuming pit of anger. His face grew to the same shade of red as his hair and his thin lips opened to retort the comment. 

Kylo stood abruptly from his chair and lifted a large, covered hand in his direction. "One more thing, officer. I am your superior and I suggest you referring to me as such. Your warnings on this matter are running out." 

Hux sputtered out in embarrassment at this, opening his mouth to roar a complaint before clamping it shut at the realization of Ren's overwhelmingly high position over him. Kylo raised an eyebrow at him as he was curious to see what the next move from the idiotic redhead would be. The man straightened out and narrowed his already small eyes in Ren's direction. 

"Yes, Supreme Leader." 

Kylo bit back a smirk of satisfaction. "Good. Everyone dismissed."

Instead of hiding away and swallowing in his disappointment, Hux frowned. "Supreme Leader, I am not done with the presentation-"

"I know." Kylo said. "I will review it later if it is actually of value but as of now, everyone is called to resume their posts." 

Hux sucked in a deep breath before saluting and storming out of the meeting. The other members began to whisper to each other to try and hide their laughs. Kylo rolled his eyes but stood up to leave. Phasma stood up with him as she normally did. 

Ever since he had taken the role of Supreme Leader of the First Order, he thought it would be best to have a back up in case of his untimely death or ultimate retirement. There was no doubt in his mind that Captain Phasma would be the best pick out of every option he had. Since this decision, she had been shadowing him for roughly a month. They had developed a routine that both grew very comfortable with. Every morning, she would be by his side during whatever the day called for and then in the afternoon, she would depart to finish the rest of her duties. 

It got to the point where Phasma broke out of her cold, hard shell and viewed him as her friend, as her confidant. She joked lightly with him, gossiped even and generally became comfortable in his presence. He did not as easily adapt to her and still grew a little weary with her constantly there but no longer viewed her as a coworker. In fact, he couldn't view her as a coworker since she knew about his connection with Rey. 

He still swore to himself for not hiding it well enough. It felt as if the Force wanted someone besides Rey and Kylo to know about their connection as it connected them together in seemingly plain sight. 

Phasma had found them together the day Rey had soothed Kylo's raging mind. He had bonded with Rey when she was in the bathroom and when she returned, he wandered off and she had no idea where he went. She searched a few hallways before finding him tucked in a corner with the scavenger in his arms. Their foreheads were touching with her petite hands curled upon his large arms that were snaked around her waist. They seemed to be sharing a tender moment before some noise broke the young girl's attention and she recoiled away, along with Phasma's sight of their encounter. She heard Kylo mutter a few words and turn around to face her. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in utter horror. 

"Phasma, I-I can explain," he had stuttered through bated breath. "It's not what it looks like-"

She squinted her eyes at him, her fingers tapping at the mask in her hands while she shook her head. She knew she had read about such things as people being connected by the Force but never thought she would see it before her very own eyes. "Is she your bonded?"

Kylo continued his crazed gaze but slowly shut his mouth. He gave a swift nod to which Phasma sighed and nodded along. She turned her eyes to the floor in her midst of her thinking before swiveling her eyes up at the very nervous Supreme Leader. 

"How long have you two been connected?" She pressed. Her gaze was harsh and unforgiving and Kylo remembered staring at her with genuine fear in him. Nothing in his life was as important as Rey and this scandal was surely going to endanger them both if Phasma ratted him out. 

"A while, before Crait." He stammered. 

She pursed her lips together. She sensed the fear in him, practically dripping off of him and for that, she felt pity. "I have one more question. Your answer seals your fate with me and the First Order." 

Kylo's throat bobbed at the comment but nodded along. "Ask."

"Does this scavenger know anything about the First Order and is there a way for her to find out?" Phasma hissed quietly. Kylo cringed at the use of 'scavenger' as he felt a weird sort of attachment towards that word and Rey, almost thinking he was the only one worthy of using it. 

He steadied his breathing and continued to bore into Phasma's cold eyes. "She knows nothing of the First Order and she never will. We made a mutual agreement never to discuss our opposing sides of the war and there is no way she would be able to figure any information out."

Phasma squinted at him and thrust her way into his mind. He lowered his block for her and she could easily tell that he spoke the truth. Her demeanor softened at the thought and she gave him a soft nod. She couldn't help herself and gently dove in a little deeper to figure out more knowledge of their relationship. He forced her out quickly as she gasped loudly, her metal covered hand raising to meet her mouth. 

"Stay out of my mind! You already saw what was necessary!" Kylo roared at her. He resumed his frightening stance and towered over her but she didn't seem bothered in the slightest. 

"I won't tell anyone about your bond with the girl," Phasma began lightly. "Nor will I tell them what I just saw." 

Kylo tightened his lips in anger. "You saw nothing!"

"Love is not nothing!"

They stared at each other, both fuming inside. Kylo sucked in a deep breath before muttering quietly, "Don't say anything. Not now. It's too much to properly consider."

Phasma nodded. "I can understand and respect that." 

They nodded their mutual agreement with each other and carried on life as normal. Occasionally, she would bring up the girl that encompassed his mind and he would shut down all conversations about her. He was not ready to address anything and Phasma knew that but she was always keen and ready to bend the rules. 

Circling back to reality, the Captain and Supreme Leader stalked the halls on the way to another dull meeting. After they were out of ear shot, Phasma let out a real laugh. She too had taken to leaving her mask occasionally behind like Kylo Ren so her raw voice echoed off the walls. 

"You destroyed him!" She chuckled. She laughed some more throaty giggles and tried to hide it but ended up bursting at the seams and Kylo eyed her cautiously but continued his walk. "His face was priceless! I could watch that all day!" 

Kylo nodded but his face was deadpan and void of emotion, as per the usual. "I suppose it was entertaining." 

Phasma nodded wildly. "Oh, it was so much better from my perspective!" 

Her laughs began to slow down as they continued their walk. All of a sudden, Kylo stopped in his tracks. He stared at the ground as his face contorted. He felt pain but he wasn't sure where from or how. It wasn't severe for him but he felt the source of it must have been howling from the heavy load of it all. 

Phasma stopped walking when she finally noticed that her companion had ditched her. She whipped around to see the worried expression plastered on his face. She frowned and trotted over to him. 

"Supreme Leader?" She questioned. His eyes met hers and she herself began to worry. He stood there with pleading eyes. 

"Kylo..?" She leaned in before a thought hit her like a TIE fighter. 

The only thing in the entire galaxy that would make Kylo Ren worry so much was that scavenger. 

"Rey." Kylo Ren stated. He looked down and swallowed again before peering up at Phasma. 

She nodded with wide eyes. "What's wrong with her?"

He shook his head, the black, messy hair getting thrown from the movement. "She's hurt. I can feel it through our bond." 

"How hurt?" Phasma pried. 

He swallowed again. "I-I don't know. I can feel her losing a lot of blood." 

Phasma's mouth opened a little. "Do you believe this to be a fatal wound?" 

Kylo's teeth appeared to nip at his bottom lip. "It might be."

She sighed deeply as her mind spun slightly out of control. She hated the idea of what she knew was necessary for his mental health but forced herself to say it. Her eyes peered around the hallway to see it completely empty. Silently, she thanked the stars for their high ranks before stepping close to Kylo so that only he could hear what she was about to say.

"Do what has to be done for her. I will cover for you but you must send me updates." Phasma's stern voice reminded him. 

Kylo bit his lip and shook his head, his raven hair entering his eye which in turn caused him to rip it away. He began to pace in the hallway, uncertainty pumping through his veins. He turned to look at Phasma. 

"I-I can't." He stated. His heart was begging him, pleading with him to go and help Rey. It was his mind that held him back, his brilliant yet conflicted mind. If he went, the First Order would be roaring with anger at him for contacting and saving the enemy. There also was the possibility of ruining Rey's relationship with the other Resistance members. And, Kylo knew for a fact that their General would bombard him with questions after his arrival. He was not in the right mental state to deal with her. 

If he stayed, she could die. That thought alone sent a rush of fear into the pit of his stomach. 

Kylo looked at Phasma with hurt behind his eyes. "There's too many risks if I go after her. Everyone will ask questions. And whose to say she even needs me."

The armor cladded General nodded her head in understanding but quickly spoke up. "I understand thinking about all that could go wrong but you love her, Kylo! Don't you think love is worth taking a risk for?"

He winced at her words and threw his hand in the air. That was something he pushed far into his mind and he had no desire to talk about it, even in a moment of crisis. "Not now."

She pursed her lips in annoyance. "You are her bonded! She needs you above anyone else!" A beat of silence. "Wait, the bond."

It was Phasma's turn to lightly pace. Her cape flew behind her after each turn. Kylo raised a brow. "What about the bond?"

"Can't you connect with her?" She asked, stopping in her tracks. "Go to your room and connect with her! Then you can save or heal or whatever you have to do through the bond!" 

He shook his head again. "It might not work, I can feel her getting weaker!" 

"Maker, I swear. Try! You won't admit to loving her but at least admit to caring for her and go and save her!" Phasma cried. She was getting angry now. She knew that the worry he felt about this was astronomically high and that was holding him back but she was not going to let that affect possibly his only chance of a girlfriend or wife. Out of everyone, Phasma sensed his loneliness. 

Kylo shyly agreed, the peer pressure from Phasma forcing him to push away the anxiety. "Okay, but cover for me." He nodded and practically ran to his suite. The door didn't open fast enough as he forced it open. He desperately needed to connect with her. 

His legs twisted themselves into a sitting position and for a moment, he feared that he was too worried to mediate and channel the Force. He had to push those thoughts away. He focused on Rey, the scavenger. He thought of her Force signature, golden and bright. It shone even from galaxies away. This time, the light was dull and the buzz coming off was almost sickening. 

He tried to remember how to connect the bond by choice and remembered this passage in one of the Jedi texts. As if his mind entered hyperspace, the words flowed behind his eyes in a bright, yellow color. They played as if they were in a movie and he focused deeply on what they wrote, too afraid he would miss a detail.

"How to Properly Activate a Connection Through the Force: 

Mediate until you are in a balanced state of mind. It will not work if you are not balanced properly. 

Focus on your bonded and picture their Force signature. 

Imagine a string and tie it tightly around your Force signature, leaving no room for it to fall. 

Walk with the string towards your bonded, keeping it taut. 

Once you get to your bonded's Force signature, tie it tightly around theirs. 

When it is complete and the string is tight and secured, your bonded should appear before your eyes. 

To shut it off, untie the string from your bonded."

Kylo sucked in a breath and followed the instructions carefully. His nimble fingers secured the imaginary string to his bright red signature and he began to walk towards Rey. He saw her weakening Force signature but tied his connection string tightly around it anyways. He kept the string tight and when hers was neatly secured, he opened his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys! not going to lie, i feel a little mean with this one since i gave a cliffhanger on the last chapter and now i'm hitting you with another cliffhanger and a chapter that isn't really related to the last chapter but needed to be written. hehe, oh well, hopefully the next one with end with some conclusion for you guys. 
> 
> also, don't forget to comment and vote for my chapters! it gives me encouragement to continue writing. i know that there are one or two of you out there who read every chapter when it's published and it warms my heart to know you guys care! 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2653
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2819


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *warning-there is a detailed description of the wounds she received (burns, torn muscles, etc) and i understand that is disturbing to some so here is a brief warning. it's about a paragraph or so long*

Rey's body was doubled over as it leaned against a wall. Her eyes fluttered shut and her breathing staggered. Kylo glanced at her with horror, her injuries already making his heart beat in his ears. 

She looked awful. Little cuts were dotted on her limbs along with dirt that had been forced onto her skin. Her hair was loose and a bit of it looked singed off. He took in a deep breath at the sight of her ear and shoulder. Her ear looked very burnt, the skin light pink with red sores oozing on the surface. Blood trickled down but that injury was nothing in comparison to the gaping hole on her shoulder. The skin looked fried, the black flesh crumbly and flaky. The wound itself was large and blood pumped out of it to the point that he could barely see the gruesome details. He could, however, see the red stained tip of a bone and the torn, pink muscles that were exposed to the air. 

It was very grotesque, the sight of her open shoulder. It almost looked as if someone had turned it inside out, forcing the intimate workings of her body to be torn apart and on full display. 

Kylo gulped at the sight of Rey so broken, so helpless. He silently pleaded to the Maker above that she didn't lose this arm because that possibility became more possible the longer he stared at her. Suddenly, he saw the traitorous stormtrooper flash into his vision. He held onto the side of her unarmed shoulder and lightly tapped her face to keep her conscious. 

"Rey!" The man, who Kylo believed to be named Finn, shouted. "What are you doing?"

Kylo visibly tensed as he watched the encounter. Part of him was overwhelmingly grateful that someone there was trying to keep her awake and clearly cared for her immensely. The other part, the dark part, wanted to shove him off of her and claim Rey as his. He swallowed his pride and decided to let him deal with her for now and if it was evident he wouldn't be of assistance, Kylo would swoop in and save his bonded. 

Rey's eyes flickered open, gazing up at the man who stood above her, completely unaware of Kylo. Her eyes were glazed over with fatigue and her body was mere seconds from shutting down. She raised a thin finger to him. As she spoke, her eyes slowly closed but her finger remained raised. "I just need a moment to rest..."

The man named Finn panicked even more. "You can't rest, Rey! Not yet! We are really close to medical and if we don't get you there soon, something bad could happen!"

Kylo watched as Rey drizzled away, Finn still rambling while trying to hoist her into his arms and he leapt from his seat. 

"Rey!" His demanding voice shook as he ran to the two of them. He was merely a foot away when Finn began to run in some direction, his steps lagging at the weight of the unconscious girl he held. Kylo followed them and nearly outran the poor man. 

Unconsciously, he reached his hand out to touch Rey, lifting her head in his hand. He ran, baffled for a moment as he could see the surroundings of Rey come to life and he saw what he assumed to be the medical ward at the end of the long hall they were in. Finn heard the buzz of the Force and jumped away once Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, suddenly appeared before him. His eyes grew large and his mouth hung open in fear as he stopped in shock. Soon, the fear was replaced with white hot anger. He clutched Rey to his being and Kylo stepped closer to remain connected to his bonded. 

"Don't touch her!" The man named Finn barked menacingly. "How are you here?! Go away!" 

Kylo's anger level rose. He roared his response, "I'm here for Rey!"

Finn continued to run away as he disappeared from his sight and Kylo had to pick up his pace. When he touched Rey again, Finn glared daggers at him. 

"Rey doesn't need you!" He yelled and turned the corner into the medical ward. Nurses and droids alike turned their gaze towards the two men and the wounded Jedi. A young woman stood, mouth wide open in shock and fear of the Supreme Leader cradling Rey's head. Her face contorted in anger as she marched forward, swatting his hand away from her. 

Kylo stood, surprise plastered over his face as he maintained his view of the medical ward and all of the people in it even though he could no longer touch Rey. He was genuinely baffled and his mind almost started to ponder that deep question before this commanding woman demanded his attention with her shrill voice. 

"Get away from her!" The woman shrieked. Both her and Finn set her on a bed and the medical staff started their work on Rey. The small woman reared around and stuck a nosy finger in Kylo's face. 

Her short hair shook as her body did in raw and utter rage. The black wisps of it clouded her face and she shoved it away. Her hands were covered in Rey's blood and it added to the anger she was portraying. Kylo gently peered into her mind, knowing that she wouldn't be able to tell since she couldn't use the Force. His lips parted a little when he saw all of the emotion trapped inside her. 

She wanted to strangle him. She wanted to wrap her small hands around his large neck and hold it tight until he couldn't speak. She wanted to slap him silly, mark his face black and blue for all of the pain he had caused her. Her eyes were narrowed and she grimaced at the sight of him. 

"You asshole!" The woman howled. Her eyes were filling with tears. She took a step towards him with her hand raised and Kylo stepped closer. He towered over her, his large form casting a shadow over the girl. He waited to see if she dared to slap him. 

"Do it," Kylo teased. He glared at this woman who seemed so mad at him but he didn't know why nor did he know who she was. "I dare you."

A single tear dripped from her face as she lifted her hand. It trembled before moving to make the swift action of smacking him. Before it made contact, her body was yanked behind by the man named Finn. He crashed her small form into his and held on tightly to her. 

"Rose," He soothed. He shot a menacing glance towards Ren. "It's not worth it."

The woman named Rose thrashed against his hold, to which he held on tighter. Tears flowed from down her cheeks and she swatted at Finn's hand. "He killed Paige! He deserves to die!"

Finn nodded but didn't let go. "I know, honey, I know. Hitting him won't bring her back and it's not going to help our cause."

Rose pressed forward. "It won't bring her back but it will definitely help!"

Kylo was fuming at the seams. It took everything in him not to throw this pathetic excuse of a woman across the room. The fact that she thought she was worthy enough to strike the Supreme Leader of the First Order enraged him. He raised his hand slightly to Force choke them but stopped it abruptly. 

That's not what Rey would want...

Kylo nodded this to himself in reassurance and took a deep breath. His throat bobbed and he pursed his lips to keep from saying something sinister. He took a step towards the couple. He glanced back with worried eyes towards Rey, who still laid unconscious in the bed as the medical staff bustled around them. 

A nurse who looked like she couldn't be more than fifty glanced fearfully at Rey before looking at a medical droid. She swallowed hard as she breathlessly said, "I don't think we can keep her arm, Atey."

The droid, whose name was Dibia Atey according to the name plate on their back, straightened their silver back and glanced at the nervous nurse. "Her vitals are low. If she continues to lose blood at the rate she is, we will have to remove her arm." 

The nurse nodded and continued applying cream along her burnt ear. Kylo returned his gaze back to the angry couple and took a hard swallow.

"Hitting me will not make you feel better. I know from experience." Kylo stated. A tinge of sadness hit him as he thought of his past. He was quickly brought back into reality when Rose and Finn sharply glared at him. He gestured to Rey. "Let me see her."

Finn scoffed loudly at him. "You think I'm going to let you see Rey? You are crazy, psychotic even, if you think I will let you lay a finger on her. I don't know how you're here but you need to get the hell out before-"

"Before what?" Kylo challenged. He stalked towards him, his large form towering above. 

"Before I kick your ass!" Finn said and it was clear he instantly regretted it. He took a step back in fear as Kylo gave a mocking laugh, more similar to Finn's previous scoff. 

"Good luck with that," Kylo demanded. He raised his hand and grasped the young man's neck with the Force. His body tensed before Kylo widened his eyes in fear. He released his hold and stepped back. 

Finn glared at him with clear fear written in his eyes as well as confusion. Kylo took several deep breaths to keep him from choking the man again. As if lightning had struck him with knowledge, he remembered something he had learned many years ago. He placed his fist over his mouth and cleared his throat before speaking. 

"I can heal Rey."

Rose raised her eyebrow and opened her mouth to retort something but the same nurse that was anxious about the possibility of Rey losing a limb before spoke up. 

"How?" She questioned. She stood still and it was clear she was transferring bloody rags for clean ones as she stared at the tall, brooding man who claimed he could help her. She recognized him, that he could tell, but her concern seemed to lie with her patient first. He straightened his back out and turned to face the woman. 

"The Force." Kylo Ren said clearly and the woman stared at him. He quickly felt her presence trying to search his mind and he opened it just enough for her. His eyebrows raised a little at her use of the Force but let her continue her gentle search in his brain for the truth. 

She looked at him unsatisfied for a moment and then it dawned on him that the only way to properly express his presence and why he believed he could heal Rey was their bond. He did not want to expose that information and debated whether or not he should show that. Her demeanor sharpen and he could tell that she did not want to hand Rey to him out of fear that he was lying. 

Kylo sighed deeply and quickly projected that piece of information. Her facial expression changed from questioning to understanding as she walked towards him. She looked him up and down and nodded as a way to express her believing him. 

Great, now another person who knows about this connection.

His mind drawled but he shoved it towards the back of his brain. As of right now, the only thing that truly mattered was Rey. That's all that would ever matter to him. 

"If you hurt her, I will impale you with a needle of poison." The nurse demanded but guided him to Rey's side. Rose and Finn could be heard yelling their protests in the back to which the woman ignored. 

She quietly told the others he was going to heal Rey and he needed space. The soft whispers from the staff filled his ears as they all questioned Kylo Ren's presence. Most backed away but a small, green creature with one large eye and a thick, black mustache glared evilly up at him. His small scrubs had her blood all over and his gloved hands clenched in fists.

"What do you plan to do to her?" The deep voice of the creature rang out. 

"Heal her." Kylo answered simply before looking down at Rey. 

His heart stung at the sight of her. Her wound was no longer as dirty and the blood flow from it was slowly stopping but now the sight of her broken muscles sharply entered his view. The bright pink sight of her torn tendons sent shivers down his spine and he swallowed deeply to ignore it. He closed his eyes and felt his lips quiver at what he knew he had to do. He pressed his hand down slightly on the open gash. Kylo winced at the sensation of her warm blood but reminded himself that in order for him to heal her, he had to do what the Jedi text had said. 

With that, he meditated and focused his sole attention on the light in his life. He found himself going back to the one thing that brought him joy and comfort, peace and tranquility, light and dark, humor and sorrow but above all, love. 

His mind muttered her name, 

Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey you guys! it's getting spicy! random note but i think the thing i love most about fanfiction and such is that we all know the characters decently well but we interpret certain emotions in scenarios differently. it makes reading it so interesting and writing it thrilling because i get to explore the way i view things! for example, in my story, kylo is already in love with rey but the thing i'm debating on is, will he ever be the first one to address it formally? does he know of his love for her? is he ignoring it? if so, how long will it take for him to say anything or acknowledge these feelings? all very interesting things to consider and think over in our brains. 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!! 
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2295
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2444


	17. Chapter 17

Kylo racked his brain to precisely remember the method of healing someone. He knew that it could work wonders for her since they were bonded together by the Force, making it more permanent. His brain sparked with knowledge and he got to work. He quickly thought of all of the extensive emotions Rey brought forth within him and within every exchange they had. 

Joy. Anger. Warmth. Cold. Smiles. Sadness. Curiosity. Wonder. Friendship. Loneliness. Romance. 

Love.

Soon, he began to search his memories of Rey to try and find the most uplifting one. He thought of the time he interrogated her, how she had pierced through his mind block without even lifting a finger. He thought of their battles, specifically the one where the snow was falling gracefully around her, making her look enchantingly beautiful. 

He thought of the times they had connected before. He remembered the one in the hut so vividly it felt as if it was playing before him like a movie. Their hands touched together, his fingerprints just grazing hers as he saw the fire illuminate before him. Her small figure was wrapped loosely in a blanket and tears fell from her face as she thought of the emotions he experienced as a young, betrayed boy and the emotions she felt after wandering into the darkness of Ahch-To. The soft way the words fell from her lips as she reassured him that he was not alone. 

He thought of the throne room and how the idea of life without her was so miserable that he killed his master, the only man that had coaxed him into acknowledging and using his power. His mind raced to how they fought so actively together, working as one unit to defend each other. She fought for him just as he had fought for her. He thought of his hand that he had offered her but brushed the thought away within an instant. 

Kylo thought of the time she begged him to be her teacher and help her understand the Jedi texts. Rey's pouty lips frowned when he thought and he couldn't help himself when he agreed. Her eyes lit up and he felt a fire in his stomach at the sight. She had sauntered off happily and he watched in admiration. 

He thought of the time in her room when she soothed his raging emotions. The waves of hurt and loss he felt and she willingly lowered them. She fought them until he felt better. She selflessly chose his joy over her pain. He thought of her forehead pressed against his, her small hands holding onto his large arms. That breathy laugh of hers filled his ears and he could feel her grin through the bond. A small smile threatened to bend his lips in this moment but he chose to ignore it. 

He zoned in on that memory, admiring the beauty of Rey. He focused on her and slowly started to imagine a strong tree. It was tall and powerful, the energy coursing through it. There was no doubt that it resembled his bonded, his Rey. 

The roots at the bottom began to sizzle and burn, the frayed bits catching aflame. He imagined himself going over to it and healing the tree. He lifted a gloved hand to mend the wood to which the plant recoiled away in fear. Kylo was shocked. He reached out again and the tree hissed at him. His insecurities rushed to the forefront of his mind. 

A creature in a mask...

A boy hiding behind a mask!

He sucked in a deep breath. His anger level rose and he swallowed to keep it at bay. Quickly, he yanked the leather glove off of his pale hand and got back to work mending the tree. This time, it did not recoil away.

The wood was frozen and for a moment, Kylo was afraid that he had unintentionally broken it. His eyes grew large and he held his breath in anticipation. 

Slowly, the injured wood began to heal. It twisted itself together with the other pieces and they weaved an intricate pattern. The roots shoved their way gently into the ground. The leaves at the top danced lightly at the sensation of the tree rebuilding itself. 

Kylo let off his grip for a moment and one root snapped up from the ground, hitting him in the face. He roared in anger as he stepped back, yanking the other glove off of his hand. He lifted his new freed hand to his cheek and felt the damp wetness of blood. He licked his tooth and tasted it in his mouth too. The metallic bitterness never failed to anger him. Instead, he used this anger and transferred it to energy.

The sudden lost grip caused the whole tree to tilt backwards. He gritted his teeth together and mustered up as much energy as he could. Kylo felt his body shake with the amount of force he was using. The tree reacted instantly and quickly was standing just as tall and strong as before. 

Kylo looked at it with a skeptic's eye. He was not convinced that it had worked so easily. He carefully walked around it to make sure that nothing was wrong. The roots were deep in the ground and the little lines that showed the different pieces of wood woven together shone brightly. A blue and golden light pulsed from it. The tree was alive with power and energy once more.

When he finally convinced himself that he had successfully rebuilt the tree that resembled his bonded, Kylo opened his eyes. 

Rey's body hovered slightly above the bed and Kylo could sense the shock from everyone around him. He lifted his hand and saw the muscles and tendons weave together like the wood from the tree. He felt the blood she lost quickly replenish itself and begin to pump rapidly through her veins. Soon, a layer of pale, scarred skin covered the area of the wound. Her body slowly lowered itself back onto the bed, settling into the comforter. 

He stared, dumbfounded at the success of what he had done. Kylo returned his hand to his side and waited for a moment or two, too afraid that it would come undone if he stepped away. He took a step closer and gently lifted his large hand to her face. He noticed that his gloves were no longer on his hands and he couldn't help but wonder where they were. He turned to the staff for a moment and with a shaky, nervous breath, spoke aloud. 

"I want a moment alone with her," Kylo demanded. Soon, he shook his head, reminding himself that was not what Rey would want him to say. "If you don't mind."

That same nurse as before nodded. She began to close the curtain around her bed, earning a few whispers but eventually, everyone granted him a moment of privacy. With no one to keep the mask on for, Kylo's face dropped. His brows creased and he felt tears brim his eyes. His bottom lip quivered slightly. 

He lowered his head to hers and leaned against, as he had when she soothed his mind. He spoke gently and quietly, afraid that if anyone heard him, they would judge him right there. 

"My Rey," Kylo muttered to himself. His hand went to hers and he gave it a light squeeze. He held on to it as his eyes fluttered shut. He released a deep sigh and moved to stand up until he felt a gentle pressure on his hand. He opened his eyes, realizing that Rey had just squeezed his hand back. 

Her eyes opened a little. She was taken aback by the intense light for the medical ward but when she saw him, her face soften. A warm, lazy smile crossed her lips. She turned slightly to him, his hand still in hers. She squeezed it again. 

"My Ben," Rey stated. Her eyes began to close again. "I'm glad you're here."

Kylo stood, his mouth agape. She doze off again, falling into a deep sleep before he could get a word in. He lowered his lips to her ear and whispered. His voice was so breathy and quiet that no one but Rey would hear him, had she been awake. 

"I'll always be here." 

***

Something nudged at his hand and he turned to see the same nurse as before push a glass of water towards him. After checking on Rey, he left her little makeshift room and looked for his gloves. Currently, he was leaning downwards to collect one with his hand using the little table besides it as support.

He nodded towards her and accepted the glass. The water was cold and very nourishing. He chugged it quickly, using his hands to wipe at the droplets that escaped the corners of his lips. He handed the glass back to her and she placed it on the tray of medical supplies. 

"Thank you, sir." The nurse stated. Kylo nodded again. 

He felt a wave of nausea and tiredness encompass him and he was reminded of the fact he was only connected by Rey and his Force bond. His energy levels were extremely low from all of the effort. He stood up, rolling his head to release the tension before turning to face the nurse with the Force. 

"I must return," Kylo began. "I have a request if you don't mind, nurse."

"Nurse Clementine," She politely corrected. "And whatever you need in exchange for you saving her life." 

"Don't mention our bond to anyone and take care of Rey." He pleaded. Clementine looked at him and swiftly nodded. 

"Yes, sir." She responded. "How shall I explain this event? I am not strong enough to wash everyone's mind of this all."

Kylo bit at his lip. He hadn't thought this far. He hadn't even planned for any of this to happen but his care for Rey had utterly blinded him from logically thinking things through. As usual, he inhaled through his nostrils, feeling the air fill his lungs before silently exhaling through his mouth. He looked at Clementine and shook his head.

"I do not know." 

Suddenly, Clementine's eyes widen for a second before she closed her mouth. "It's really only Finn and Rose I'm concerned about. Perhaps I should administrate a memory wiper."

Kylo nodded. "Good idea. Now, I must go. Thank you for assisting Rey."

The nurse smiled warmly at him. "Of course. Thank you for healing her! I understand the feeling of wanting to do anything to save your love."

Kylo tensed a little bit. This was the second person who had found out about their bond and had used the word love in association with it. He himself wasn't necessarily sure that was the right word. He had never delved into those feelings before and whenever Phasma mentioned it, he chalked it up to her being a hopeless romantic, a trait that had been consistently reaffirmed in their growing friendship. Something about Clementine made him believe she was not the same way and she spoke from a heart of genuine understanding. 

Quickly, he felt his knees buck beneath him. The connection snapped away and he was alone in his chambers. His legs gave out and he collapsed on the ground, falling into a deep sleep just as he had watched Rey do minutes before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey you guys! what do you think so far? i personally loved writing this chapter and adding in that cute moment with those two. don't worry though, i still have a lot planned for this story and am not going to end it here. i do apologize for the shortness of this chapter though. i wanted it just to be about kylo healing rey and not her waking up (fully) so i had to stretch some parts out to make it a somewhat normal length but i'm still a few hundred short. oh well, we got a cute moment.
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1904
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2024


	18. Chapter 18

The smell of stark cleanliness stung Rey's nostrils as she slowly woke up. Her eyes opened but she closed them quickly after the bright light filled her vision. She dared again to open her eyes, slowly adjusting to the overwhelming sensation of being in a hospital. Her fingers splayed out against the cold, white sheets and she forced her body into a sitting position. The baby blue blanket draped over her body was thin and lacked any warmth. 

She rubbed her eyes to wake herself up and felt tension in her shoulder. It didn't hurt, it just felt tight. She rolled the joint around a little, groaning when it popped. She sucked in a deep breath as she tried to remember what happened. 

A friendly nurse snapped the curtain surrounding her bed away. She walked over to her and smiled warmly. She began to check her vitals on the machines to her side as she spoke, writing down on a clipboard to record the numbers. "Good morning, sweetheart, it's good to see you awake." 

Rey nodded and smiled sheepishly. "How long was I out?"

"Oh, about ten or twelve hours." The nurse replied. Rey's eyes grew wide and her mouth hung open. The nurse quickly interjected. "Don't worry, that's normal after getting a severe injury."

Rey's eyebrow arched. "Severe injury?"

The nurse nodded. "Oh yes. I understand you are still a little groggy after waking up, I'll let you adjust for a bit and then we can talk."

"Okay, thank you..?" Rey muttered. She reached out a hand to lightly touch the elbow of the retreating nurse. "What's your name ma'am?"

The lady gave her a kind smile. "Clementine. I'll be with you in a moment."

Rey nodded at the nurse as she scurried away. Clementine wrapped the curtain around her bed so she was staring at the same dull, baby blue color as her blanket. 

What had happened last night? 

Rey went over the events of the day before. There was the meeting about postponing the Poe trip and then she went to mend Luke's lightsaber. She fixed it and was practicing before the lightsaber acted out. Her face widen in acknowledgement of what had happened to her. 

All she could remember was immense pain, a desperate voice calling her name. She slipped into darkness and was getting rather comfortable with it before she felt a change. Rey remembered feeling like she was being put back together, piece by piece. She felt as if her body was being woven into a beautiful pattern as the unimaginable pain in her shoulder drizzled away into a slight tension. She felt content, happy even as she heard a soft plea. 

My Rey...

"Ben." 

Rey muttered his name carefully, as if she would break it. He was here, that she knew for certain. How she still did not know. Her stomach began to twirl, as it always did when he was near or even mentioned. She swallowed deeply and jumped from her bed. She was eager to talk to anyone about what had happened, desperate for answers. She yanked on the curtain that surrounded her bed, giving her a sense of comfort and peace to see a bustling hospital room. 

Droids and humans alike tended to the few sick people in their beds, most covered with the same curtains as she had. When she turned, she saw that a massive, white wall was covered with a large shelf. Medicines of all kinds were placed above them and she watched as a droid extended a long hand to grab one at the very top shelf. When she turned to the other side, a doorway with doors that swung open at contact stood firmly. There were circle windows and she could see the makeshift waiting room the Resistance had scrambled together. Rey's wonder for the room went away quickly after her mind went to the same person it always did, Kylo. 

Her eyes frantically scanned the room and the nurse named Clementine turned to make eye contact. The nurse saw her and read her expression clearly. She had been punching in digits on an old computer that buzzed at her but she abandoned it to talk to the nervous scavenger. She gave a small laugh and walked into Rey's little bubble of protection. She sat at the end of the bed and patted the spot beside her. "Please sit."

Rey silently obliged, shutting the curtain and situating herself with the blanket. She suddenly felt very self conscious as her normal clothes were replaced with a flimsy, paper like robe that all of the other patients were forced to wear. She looked up at Clementine, who responded with a smile. 

"What happened yesterday?" Rey politely questioned. She wasn't sure how many people, if anyone, knew about their secret connection. She certainly wasn't going to expose such information out of fear of her and Kylo's life. The nurse easily identified the skeptical glance twinkling in Rey's eyes and couldn't help but smile.

Clementine leaned forward. "Don't worry, dear, I know about your connection with that man." She gave her a small wink and Rey's cheeks flushed red. "I must say, at first I didn't understand it but after getting a good look of him in person, it's hard not to."

"He was here," Rey began and completely ignored the nurse's comment. Her cheeks already burned with embarrassment from having someone besides Leia know of their connection and she did not want to add on to with thinking of the beautiful features of her bonded. "I felt his presence and heard his voice."

The nurse nodded along with her. "Yes, he was here. He connected with you before you lost consciousness and for some reason, the Force let him remain connected with you until he properly healed you." 

Her eyes widen. "He healed me? With the Force?"

Clementine chuckled. "How else?"

Rey sat there in shock, failing to comprehend what the nurse was telling her. She swallowed, her saliva hitting her dry throat and scraping against it. She remembered something Luke had mentioned to her once, about healing. He had told her that the Dark Side was incapable of fulling healing someone. She moved her shoulder and barely felt any tension. Her eyes widen at this sudden but hopeful realization. 

Kylo had used the Light! To save her! 

A cheeky smile threatened to grace her lips and she was reminded of the nurse's presence. She flicked her eyes back up and saw the knowing smile of a Force user.

"He used the Light to save you, honey. It was actually quite amazing to watch." Clementine recounted. She heard a wild beep come from behind the curtain and placed a hand over her heart. "Oh my! That scared me!"

Rey smiled when she felt a wave of nostalgia. "Clementine, were you the nurse that tended to my leg a few weeks ago?"

The nurse laughed. "I was wondering if you would remember that!" 

The two ladies exchanged kind looks before Rey's burning question slipped out of her mouth. "Is he still here?"

Clementine tensed and gave a sad grin. "No, I'm afraid he's left. But, he never did come in person."

Rey raised her eyebrows. "Wait, he healed me through the bond?"

"Yes ma'am." The nurse responded. "I believe it must have drained his energy because he left so abruptly afterwards." 

"Did anyone see him besides you?" Rey pressed a little. She didn't mean to bother the nurse but there were so many questions in her head just dying to be answered. 

Clementine sighed. "Yes. The whole medical staff saw him as well as those two friends of yours, Rose and Finn."

"Oh stars," She muttered to herself. She had no idea how she could even begin to explain it without sounding like an utter traitor. They wouldn't understand and they would rush to conclusions. She was almost certain that if she revealed her connection to the Supreme Leader, they would ask for her head on a silver platter. 

"I wouldn't worry too much. I administrated memory swipes to your friends so they don't remember him being there at all, just you getting hurt and them taking you to medical." The nurse began. "As for the staff, we are ninety five percent droids. It wasn't terribly difficult to memory swipe them with medicine or the Force."

Rey let out a shaky sigh of relief. "Oh, okay, thank you so much." Her brows furrowed again, the muscles underneath hurting a little as she kept repeating that movement with every question. "Wait, Clementine, why did you let him heal me?"

The old nurse smiled again. Rey imagined that her cheeks were hurting as her smile was always how she started speaking. "I was skeptical at first but I felt that you were getting weaker by the second. We almost had to take off your arm due to your injuries. He said that he could heal you and let me peer into his mind to confirm it. Once I saw your bond and how he felt about you, it became clear that he had good intentions."

Rey's cheeks flared red instantly. She bit her lip as her mind wandered. "How does he feel about me?"

Clementine smiled so that her white teeth were visible to all. "Oh, honey, I think you know." 

Her tongue traced the sharpness of her tooth as her heart beat increased. Her face was still hot from the intense blush and her stomach increased it's twirling, having already started when she said the name he swore to forget. "Please tell me." 

The nurse looked at her through her eyelashes. She leaned forward and placed a gentle hand on Rey's knee. "He cares deeply for you, dear. And I think you care deeply for him."

Rey swallowed and gave a slow, gentle nod to the nurse. It was more of a signal that she was ready to be alone with her thoughts but it meshed together into agreeing with her. "I-I suppose."

Clementine laughed again and stood up. "I hope you don't mind, sweetheart, but I have to get back to work. Is there anything you need?"

Rey shook her head, offering a polite yet small smile. "No, no thank you."

"Alright then. I'll be back in about an hour or so for dinner. If you need anything, holo books or holo films, don't be afraid to ask. Rest well." The nurse politely said before she slipped out of Rey's bubble of privacy. 

She flung back onto the bed as her mind raced everywhere. The thoughts regarding Kylo and her were at the forefront of her brain and she sighed as she realized she needed to recognize them. 

Rey thought back to their past encounters. She thought of the first time they properly met, when he was interrogating her on Starkiller Base. Her cheeks flooded with pink as she recalled her breath hitching in her throat at the first glance at him without his mask. His naturally deep voice instantly enchanted her and she listened to every word he said. She remembered forcing herself into his mind and calling him out on his deepest fear, just as he had done to her. The shock on his face was almost adorable to her. A small smile crept over her lips at the thought. 

Soon, the smile dropped when she thought of Han Solo. She hated him so much in that moment for purposely throwing away his family, as if they were nothing to him. She envied the parents he had, craved them and it broke her heart to see his utter ignorance. Now, with more knowledge, Rey felt sorrow for both of those men. She still hated him for killing Han but she understood his reasoning and couldn't help but resonate with it. He was a hurt and broken boy who had been failed by every adult in his life, making Snoke's offer to him that more appetizing. How anyone couldn't sympathize with him and forgive him to an extent was beyond her. 

Their connections of Ahch-To came next and she buried her face into the pillow when his uncovered upper half shot into her brain. She shook her head at the burning thought but felt a spark ignite in her core. She had felt it in that moment too, the rush of heat at the sight. Like the last time, she pushed it away and thought of the words he said to her. She grimaced at how blatantly she expressed her hatred towards him. Reflecting, Rey agreed that her hatred intensified when she saw his face because she did not want to be attracted to the enemy. 

She thought of the fire in her hut. His face being illuminated by it as they both reached out to the other. A grin crossed her face when she thought of the gentle way he told her that she was not alone. His face was kind and sincere in that moment, encouraging her to reach out and touch his large hand. Their fingertips grazed the other and even then, she could feel the spark of electricity. She had despised Luke in that moment for ruining possibly the first moment when she saw Kylo Ren as Ben. 

Then, there was the throne room with Snoke, that ugly raison of a man. The way he had sacrificed himself by killing his master still shocked her today and filled her body with a weird sense of warmth, almost pride? She couldn't be sure. 

They had fought together, working as one to destroy the enemy and never before did she feel so alive. She was certain he would return with her that day, very certain. 

But, alas, Kylo Ren chose the Dark Side. He offered her his hand in joining him, ruling with him. And the worst part was that Rey wanted to say yes. 

She felt a tear drip down her face at the memories they shared and the emotions she felt. Every time they connected, her stomach would dance as her heartrate shot up. She thought of the way her cheeks flushed whenever someone mentioned him. She smiled every time he let her say the name he wanted to erase, making Rey feel like she was the only person worthy enough to say it. Her body grew warm just thinking about him healing her. She couldn't imagine how he felt in the moments leading up to it, let alone the actual act. She thought of the way he gently wrapped his arms around her when she had given him some of her Light, as if he was afraid he would break her. He looked at her with admiration and she couldn't hide the contentment she felt in that moment. Every time he gazed at her, she felt as if he was studying her, etching her features into the wall of his mind so he would never forget her. 

Rey thought of everything he made her feel. No one else could make her feel so appreciated with just a glance. No one else could make her feel so strong, so worthy of everything she had and more. No one else made her feel as wanted as he did. 

To Kylo Ren, she was the light of the galaxy, his beacon of hope, the most important person in his life. 

To Rey, he was the only person who truly understood her and accepted everything she had to offer, the good, the bad, the ugly. 

She grinned again before burying her body into the sheets, using the thin blanket as a shield from the world. 

Perhaps Rey did care deeply for Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys!! okay..not going to lie...this chapter was so fun to write!! i loved writing rey's reflection on her relationship with kylo. i enjoyed it so much that i barely noticed how high the word count got! so sorry you guys! i am a flowery author :/
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2622
> 
> word count w/ authors notes: 2688


	19. Chapter 19

After a day or so, Rey was finally released from medical. She was itching to leave, the phantom feeling of being sick rushing into her. 

She was signing a few pieces of paper confirming her stay with Clementine. Swiftly, she lifted the pen off the paper on the last line. "Done!"

"Perfect!" Clementine exclaimed. She grabbed the papers in her hand, clicking the bottom against the table to straighten them out. "You are free to go!"

"Thank you so much," Rey began. She placed her hand over the nurse's and gave a genuine smile. "I appreciate it more than you know."

The nurse in turn gave a generous grin while she squeezed the young Jedi's hand. "Of course, dear. Don't forget that I am always here to talk to, it's part of my job." She gave her a quick wink before patting her hand. "Now, go enjoy the rest of your day while the sun is still up!" 

Rey returned the wink as she left the medical ward. "Yes, ma'am!"

She wandered the halls for a bit to stretch out her sore legs. Soon, she got sick of being trapped in the building and left as she found an exit. The sweet air hit her and she breathed in deeply to fill her lungs. A long sigh escaped her lips and she closed her eyes for a moment, relishing in the second of peace. 

She peeked from beneath her eyelids to admire the scene before her. She was at the back exit of the base and saw a whole new side of the beautiful planet they were on. Flush, green plants covered the ground. Their leaves stuck out, some in elaborate shapes and some simple and straight. Moss stuck tightly to the rocks around as if it was afraid they would lose a friend. Rey saw it and immediately agreed with herself that green was her favorite color. She was never sick of the beauty it presented. 

Tall trees stood far in the distant. The trunks were a deep shade of brown while its leaves were a mixture of yellow and green, a memorizing swirl pattern on the surface. Weaving in between the trees and the plants was a little brown path. The dirt was stepped on by people for years and Rey started to walk along the trail. 

She heard the animals actively talking to each other and stopped to see chipmunks shoving nuts into their mouths. Her head turned to the side a little in utter confusion. She did not understand why they would have so much food in their cheeks at once without eating it. Her hand crept to pet them and they recoiled away in fear, scurrying off into the thick grass with their chunky cheeks. She frowned but continued on the trail. After a while, she heard water flowing and started to follow the sound. 

A large leaf stuck out from a tree and when she pushed it back to hear the sound of the water, she gasped loudly at the breathtaking sight. A large waterfall pumped water out, making it aggressively splash into the lake below. The water looked enchanting, it's blue yet green tint shining. She saw the rocks and sand beneath as well as life bustling around. Fish swam and twirled underneath the surface and she smiled. She ran towards the water and stuck her hand in it. It was warm and it made her smile grow. She scanned around to take in more of the scene. 

A huge rock stood by the side of the lake, far away from the actual water. Her breath caught in her mouth when she saw a figure sitting on top of it. Rey quietly approached it, her feet mushing against the damp dirt. When she got closer, she saw the dark skin underneath the stumbled white hair. She sucked in a breath as her brain made her remember who it was. 

She hoisted her body onto the rock and situated herself by his side, still leaving plenty of room between them. She gently spoke up. "Hello, Raanan."

"Jedi." His rough voice spit out but he continued to look forward.

Rey swallowed deeply. "How have you been?"

"Why does that matter?" He turned his head to look at her, his black eyes freezing her body. 

She shrugged her shoulders as she tried to stay nonchalant for his sake. "I suppose it doesn't, just thought I would ask. It's polite."

Raanan scoffed before returning his gaze to the waterfall. "Figures."

She leaned back. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He gave a dead laugh. "Everybody thinks they should ask about someone's well being to be polite but they never actually care."

It was Rey's turn to scoff. "That's not true, most people do care."

Raanan shook his head. "No, they don't."

"Yes, they do." She responded, her voice getting slightly higher. 

"You have no proof." He stated clearly. 

"Uh, yeah, I do." Rey taunted. "Your brother seems to care a lot for you."

"Don't bring him into this." He hissed. 

"Why not?" She pried. 

"I said don't bring him into this. Did you not hear me properly or did you hurt your brain just as you hurt your body the other day?" Raanan barked. He shot his head in her direction and squinted. His white eyelashes blended in with his eyes, making them look menacing. 

She narrowed her own eyes. "How did you know about my injury?" 

"I watched it." He said coolly. "I wasn't too surprised when you botched the rebuild and then just had to hurt yourself in the process. Little confused how you seem completely fine when you made such a big deal about it all. Too bad it wasn't your neck that got cut to the bone." 

Rey's mouth hung open as she stood up from her position. Her cheeks were bright red with white hot anger. There was no way in hell she would let him get away with that comment. 

She raised her hand and smacked him across the face in one swift motion. His head turned to the side and he brought his hand to his face. He held his cheek before moving his finger to his mouth. He pulled away with a drop of blood on the tip. His black eyes glared at her. 

"You do not get to talk about people like that, Raanan." She exclaimed. She pointed a finger down at him, like a mother would talk to a child. "You are not allowed to treat others as if they are less than you or as if they are undeserving."

"Some are undeserving!" He roared. 

"That is not your decision to make!" Rey raised her voice just below a shout. "We cannot control the actions or lives of others! No matter how much we want to."

"What is this, you trying to give me some pathetic advice about how to be a good person?" He said as he raised from his seat. He stood above her, much taller than his brother, as he glared sharply. "Listen here, Jedi, some people need to be controlled and if no one else will do it, I will. I'm not afraid to be the bad guy in this story!" 

"Is that really how you want people to view you?" Rey asked, her voice just above a whisper. "As the bad guy? As the villain? As a monster?" 

Her heart stung as she instantly thought of Kylo. She wished he was here in this moment, helping her deal with this man but at the same time knew he was just as confused. 

Raanan took a step forward, breaking all of her boundaries but she was not going to move. He didn't deserve the upper hand in this fight. "I'm already a monster."

He began to walk away from her, leaving her furious and angry. As soon as he jumped off the rock, she shouted out the question burning in her brain. "Then why are you here?"

He stopped in his tracks. She could feel him hesitate at her words. "My brother."

"And what of him?" She asked as she stalked in his direction. She hopped off the rock and walked to face the twisted man. "What will happen to him when you finally embrace the evil inside?" 

"We shall see." Raanan said before he stormed out of the forest. He left Rey all alone, standing angry with a waterfall. 

She was steaming. Anger was all she could think of and she needed to release it. She found a stick on the ground and picked it up. Rey twirled in her hand like her staff before beating the life out of a tree. Each strike helped her and the tree soon looked beat up and sad. Out of pity, she used the Force to mend the wounds. It didn't look as good as before but still looked better than how she was going to leave it. 

She climbed the rock again and twisted her body into a sitting position. She began to meditate. 

Deep breaths...

She reminded herself. She found comfort in the Force, it's warm aura inviting. She relished in it. A smile formed on her face and she rose to go back to the base. A sudden noise made her turn her body around. She did not know where it came from. 

Rey swallowed, her saliva hitting her dry throat. She moved to leave again but that same noise caused her to stare emptily at the waterfall. While examining it, she noticed what she thought was a small cave underneath the rushing water. Curiosity overcame as she climbed off the rock and started to walk along the side of the lake. That familiar dark almost beeping noise echoed from the cave. She followed it. 

A series of climbing and pulling her body upwards left her staring at a small entrance. It was low and narrow and for a second, she feared that she wouldn't be able to fit. Slowly, she crawled through it. It was much longer than she had anticipated but her mind wouldn't let her stop dragging her body across the stone. A few moments passed until she entered a huge cave. 

The room was massive to say the least. The walls were gray and uninviting. Part of one wall was a bunch of rocks piled together, leaving only one or two open to let the light peak it. The rest of the cave was illuminated by lights and fire torches strung to the wall. She looked down and saw a rock staircase leading to the bottom of the cave. Her eyes trailed it and she gasped at the sight she saw. 

There, as if it was blending in, was a Resistance ship. The ramp was down and it looked as if it was shut off. Beside it was a little blue tent. A fire was in the middle of the two and she noticed that there was an abundance of wood on the side. Wood was piled everywhere as well as portion packets and so many jugs of water, she lost count. It looked like someone was living there. 

Her eyes trailed to see the tent move a little and she heard a familiar beeping noise from the ship. A little droid colored orange and white rolled out and jumped when they saw Rey. Her breath stopped as she saw it roll up the staircase, taking in each step at a time slowly. When they reached the top, they swiveled in and out of Rey's legs, causing her to giggle. 

"Rey!" Bee Bee Ate exclaimed. "Where have you been! It's been so long!"

Rey kneeled down to pat the droid affectionately. "Yes it has been! Have you been here this whole time? Where's-"

"Rey?" 

She turned around slowly to see the man she thought was long gone. 

"Poe?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey you guys!! sooo what's the thought of this chapter? i know it's off track from the whole reylo ness but you can't enjoy a good story without context and other exciting events. don't worry though, this leads to some exciting things ;) 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1954  
> word count w/ authors note: 2074


	20. Chapter 20

Poe Dameron, a well known Resistance pilot that recently abandoned his home due to getting heartbroken, stood before Rey with a baffled expression over his face. His hair was wet, droplets dangling and threatening to fall off. In his hands was a pile of wet clothes and cleaning supplies. She stood at him with her mouth wide open in shock before she straightened herself out. She crossed her arms and stared at him, not even attempting to hide her annoyance. 

"Why-how are you here?" Poe questioned. 

"I saw a cave entrance behind the waterfall and climbed in. It's not that secretive." Rey stated clearly. She took a step forward. "What I'm confused about is why you said you left this planet and here you are, hiding in a bloody cave! What in the stars were you thinking?"

Poe looked down bashfully. She heard him tap the stone floor with his boot as if to sooth himself. "We have a lot to talk about. Here, come down and I'll start the fire. It gets chilly."

He pushed past her and ran down the steps, Bee Bee Ate following behind as quickly as his body could. When they reached the bottom, she heard him whisper something to the droid but couldn't catch a word. Rey followed, letting out a deep breath every now and again to release the anger and annoyance she felt towards the pilot. When she reached the bottom of the staircase, Poe was hanging the wet clothes along a string to let them dry out. He glanced at her as he tied up his final sock. 

"Here, sit down." He gestured to little chairs she hadn't noticed made of wood. He pointed to the ship. "Give me a moment."

Crossing her arms and legs, she glared at him while he rushed onto the ship. She heard noises as his loud boots slammed on the ground. A door shut and she could no longer here anything. She tapped her foot on the ground in annoyance. She studied the cave, noticing how he had made this such a little home. She wondered how long he had been there. The little droid rolled slowly over to her, catching her attention. 

Rey bent down and rubbed his little head. "I missed you."

Bee Bee Ate turned his head to the side. "I missed you too!"

She smiled. She uncrossed her legs and fully face the orange and white robot. "How long have you two been here?"

"A while! Exactly seven days, fourteen hours and thirty minutes!" He beeped a response. She sighed. Poe had supposedly left the Resistance seven days ago. 

"Have you just been in the cave the entire time?" Rey asked. 

The droid moved his head to slide back and front as his little way of nodding. "Yes! Master told me not to question it so I didn't!"

"Huh, I see." She said as she leaned back in her chair. "Did he tell you not to contact the Resistance?"

Bee Bee Ate once again nodded. "Yes!"

She couldn't help but smile at the happiness the droid found in everything. Every question was answered enthusiastically. "What has Poe been doing?"

The happy face the droid put on quickly fell. "I'm not allowed to answer that."

Rey raised an eyebrow. "What? Why not-"

"So, Rey," Poe's voice boomed as he exited the ship and made a move to the wood. He gave a sharp look to Bee Bee Ate, who rolled away into the blue tent. He tossed wood onto the dying fire as well as a match. The flame grew large again as he settled into the chair beside her. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

"Yup." She said. Her anger diminished when talking to the droid but seeing him again relit the emotion. 

He gestured to the cave in an acknowledgement of their loneliness. "Now's the time to ask."

"You've been here this entire time, correct?" He gave a slow nod. "Then why did Finn see your ship leave the atmosphere?"

Poe cringed when he heard the exstormtrooper's name. "Please don't mention his name."

She sucked in a breath. "Fine. Why did someone see your ship leave the atmosphere?"

"I left and then entered on the opposing side before getting into the cave. I'm sure you noticed that rock pile, I put it there after I landed the ship in so no one from the outside could see in." He answered simply, throwing a hand in the distance of said rock pile. 

"How long had you been planning to leave?" Rey pried, narrowing her eyes. 

"I didn't, I just couldn't handle the thought of being with him after he rejected me." Poe explained as he looked at his hands, too scared to look her in the eye. 

"I know that's not true," She began. "Someone overheard you talking to someone over an intercom."

His eyes shot up. They were wide and full of fear. "Who heard that?"

"So you were talking to someone?" She raised her brow. 

"I...I..." His voice trailed off. He released a long sigh. "Yes."

"Who?" She pressed. She leaned her elbows on her knees to get closer to encourage him to speak or to intimidate him. She didn't care which one.

"An old friend." His answer was vague and ominous. 

Feeling as if she wasn't going to get the name right away, Rey changed the topic for a brief moment. "You told them you wouldn't leave if he said yes but that makes it sound like you were going to leave the planet, Poe. Were you?"

He pursed his lips and gave a slow, painful nod. "That was the plan."

"Why didn't you?" 

"I got scared." He replied bluntly. "My old friend wanted to meet me at an old Empire building. I didn't think I could handle going somewhere so dark."

Rey clicked her tongue. "But our reports show us that your old friend is someone dark."

"He is. But that's none of your concern." Poe stated. 

"It is if this friend of yours is going to endanger the Resistance or my friends. Our friends." She told him. "I feel like you're not telling me the whole story."

His eyes met hers. She spoke again. 

"Tell me everything, starting from the beginning."

Poe sucked in a deep breath. "Alright."

***

"Wait, okay, let me make sure I'm understanding it accurately," Rey began. "You grew up with this friend but they became an officer for the First Order and you were going to meet them for comfort if Finn rejected you but you got scared of the location of the meeting spot so you've been hiding out in this cave?"

Poe gave a long nod. He had spent the last hour or so essentially explaining his life story and all of the events leading up to his decision. "Yeah, pretty much. We've been talking this week as well. It's been nice to have him there."

She nodded and leaned back in her chair. "Have you revealed any information regarding the Resistance to him?"

He shook his head and looked down at the corner of his shoe. "Oh, nope. We talk through the intercom I have and we both don't talk about our jobs. Just how life has been and obviously what happened."

She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She believed he was lying but had no way to prove it. "Okay."

He looked up at her, his arms resting against his knees as he leaned into the fire's warmth. "I really don't want you to hate me after hearing all of this."

Rey shook her head. "I definitely don't hate you, Poe. I'm just confused and still, um, processing this information." 

She saw him swallow hard but nod again. "That's fair. It's just been so hard after he said no. I thought he was interested in me, he always gave me hugs and shared his emotions with me. I just thought there was a chance."

She smiled sadly at the heartbroken pilot. Her hand landed on his shoulder and she began to rub soft circles on his shoulder as she spoke. "I get it. It's really easy to misread emotions other people give off. I know I struggle with it too."

He nodded but stared at the floor instead. "Yeah, I guess."

"If it helps at all," Rey said. "Finn has been struggling too. He misses you."

His eyes shot up and she saw they were brimmed with tears. "He does?" 

She nodded. "He wants his best friend back."

"I don't think I can continue being his best friend after getting rejected like that," Poe said, fiddling with his fingers. 

Rey let out a breath. "I know, and I'm not asking you to be his best friend again. Maybe it would benefit you both if you just talked about it, or even just saw each other."

He released a shaky breath. "I don't know, Rey."

"I think it would be good for you." She said. He stood up and turned around so his back was facing her. She stood up after him and ran to face him. She placed her hands on his shoulder. "Please try."

Poe sucked in a breath. Moments of silence encircled them and after a while, Rey dropped her arms to her side. She moved to pass him but his hand grabbed her forearm. He tugged her back so they were forced to make eye contact. 

"Okay."

She smiled. "Thank you."

Poe smiled back. "Give me five minutes to gather a few essentials and then we can leave."

She nodded. "Okay."

He went into the ship and tent, his footsteps bustling around inside. He returned with a brown bag that was draped over his shoulder. "Ready."

They walked up the large, stone staircase together in silence. Rey shuffled through the long and very narrow corridor with Poe at her feet. She felt a wave of embarrassment with him literally staring at her behind but she shoved it away. She reminded herself that he was in love with the ex-stormtrooper and her crawling ahead would not suddenly change his feelings. The thought of love made her think back to Kylo Ren and the words of Clementine. 

"He cares deeply for you, dear. And I think you care deeply for him."

She wasn't wrong, not even in the slightest. The many hours she had dedicated to thinking about their relationship had revealed the feelings for him she didn't know were there. With this new knowledge, she was almost fearful for when they connected again. She hoped she would be able to act the same as usual but didn't know how well she could put on that façade. 

Soon, they entered into the small cave and climbed down. It was dark outside, the full moon bouncing off the beautiful lake. The stars shone brightly and Rey smiled at the scene. If she thought it was gorgeous during the day, the night brought forth a new sense of mystic and wonder. The water was cold to the touch and it looked pitch black, except the little patches of light from the moon and stars above. The trees looked taller and more enchanting. That large rock she had been on before cast a deep shadow over the water that sent a rush of chills down her spine. 

They began the slow journey, making it to the end of the lake before a sharp noise caused them both to jerk their heads up. Rey squinted to see what was in the sky. An army of roughly five or so TIE fighters swarmed the sky, their red blasters shooting down on the Resistance base. A few screams echoed distantly. She released a strangled cry at the sight and began to run towards the base. It was about a mile and a half away from the lake and she knew she was losing time the longer she stood there. 

A hand grasped her arm, turning her sharply to face Poe. His face was frightened but his body didn't move and she became fearful at the sight alone. 

"What are you doing?" She cried. She yanked on her arm and he tightened his grip. "We have to go help them!"

"If we go to them just as us, we'll die with them!" Poe yelled. "There's a ship in the cave! If we hurry, we can save them!"

Her eyes widen at his statement but silently agreed. It broke her heart to run away from them but it was the only option they had to save more than a few souls. They ran along the rim of the lake until a distinct noise filled their ears. 

A larger ship started to fly towards the cave, slowly, creepily. They circled the entrance before going to the back. She heard a large crash and her mouth opened. 

"Shit." He whispered beneath his breath. "We don't have much time if any to get to the ship!" 

"Let's go back to the base then!" Rey pleaded with him. He shook his head and they crawled into the small entrance. She stifled tears along the way, trying not the think of the pain her friends were going through. Once they entered the cave, Poe gestured her down the staircase before letting out a harsh sigh.

Her eyes glanced up and saw that the rock wall before was completely exposed. The large ship was landed with the ramp down outside of it and whoever was on the inside didn't even try to come out.

Rey let out a shaky breath as she looked for a weapon on the ground, anything to protect her from what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey you guys! oh the drama of fanfictions hehe! hope you guys enjoyed this one. don't be afraid to leave comments or votes! i love them all!
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2269
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2319


	21. Chapter 21

"Stay back," Poe said as he pushed his arm out in front of her. She scoffed and looked up at him. 

Rey batted his hand away. "I can take care of myself." 

The rock she had found on the ground was thin and slender, and many feet long. It felt like a heavier version of her staff. She twirled it among her fingers before firmly grasping it. 

"They're blocking the escape," Poe sighed. He took a few steps towards the Resistance ship before sharp thuds echoed from within the First Order ship. 

Rey gripped the rock staff and got into a battle stance. Whoever stepped on that ramp was going to get a beating, even if it was her bonded. 

Her heart stopped at the thought. 

He wouldn't have done this without telling her, would he? 

Kylo Ren had tried to kill her before but he had never actually caused her harm in their duels. He went as far as to kill his master for the scavenger. They were making progress together. He had healed her for Maker's sake. 

But then again, they were on opposing sides of the war. He was entitled to fight for what he thought was right even though she knew he was wrong. But he hadn't done that since Crait. He hadn't attacked. 

She grew confidence in her bonded as a dark thought crept in. He had seen her surroundings when he healed her. She knew Kylo Ren was vastly intelligent and that even just catching a glimpse at a window could be enough for him to find the location of the Resistance Base. A bit of bubbling anger brewed in her stomach. She was enraged that he could betray her trust like that and she suddenly wished he was on the ship so she could beat him over the head with her rock staff. 

Rey shook her head of the thought as the black, leather boots of the man in the ship entered her vision. She looked up and down to see a pasty fellow with a spark of red hair on the top of his head. His face contorted into an ugly shape as he scanned the room. 

He looked at her and a smile formed on his thin lips. Yellow teeth stuck out and she grimaced at the sight. He looked truly disturbing. 

"I've heard so much about you," The gross redhead remarked. He took a step forward, getting off of the ramp with two stormtroopers standing closely behind him. "You're much smaller than I anticipated." 

Rey didn't say anything. She raised the rock staff to the level of her eye as a threat to the black clad man. He laughed a little. 

Poe cleared his throat and approached the man. "What are you doing here, Armitage?" 

The man snapped his neck at the mention of his name. He intertwined his leather covered fingers in front of him and let them hang in front of his legs. 

"I'm here to visit an old friend." The man named Armitage replied. He glanced at Rey and returned his gaze to the pilot. "Thought I'd pick up a souvenir." 

"I told you not to come." Poe stated. 

"Well, I'm here." Armitage snarled, motioning to the cave with his hands. 

"You promised you won't come." Poe once again stated through gritted teeth. 

"I haven't been very good at keeping promises, have I?" The redhead spat. 

"One of your many idiotic traits." The pilot replied sassily. 

This seemed to strike a nerve in the First Order soldier as his bushy brows furrowed and his mouth popped open.

"You're one to talk!" Armitage roared. 

Silence crept in for a second before the two men quickly became two little boys throwing around lousy insults to the other.

"At least I can tell right from wrong!" Poe yelled. 

"Oh, that's so mature coming from the man who ran away when someone said no!" He snapped. 

"Oh my stars, says you!" Poe shouted, throwing his arms in front of him to prove his point. "Snoke chose Ren over you and you cried. You sobbed like a child because you weren't Daddy's favorite!" 

"You disobey like a child every day of your life and look where that's gotten you!" Armitage shot out. 

Poe gestured to his ship. "Yeah, I'm the best pilot in the whole damn galaxy and second in command to Princess kriffing Leia! You still have to obey every word that comes out of that bastards mouth!" 

"You will always be second in command! Your ego is far too large for leadership!" The man demanded. 

"Bro, look at yourself," Poe started, his voice still raised. "You will never be Supreme Leader!" 

"I'll be Supreme Leader before you will ever be the General of your stupid Resistance!" Armitage cried. 

Rey watched the argument between the two boys silently. They were fighting like children, each one demanding the upper hand. Their faces were red from the effort and every now and then she would see a spray of spit hit the others face. Poe's fingers were in the redheads face, waving them around in utter rage. The soldier stood still but screamed like a banshee when he shot out his insults. 

It was slightly amusing to Rey. She could tell they went way back, most likely feeling like brothers since they were comfortable using such intimate details about each other in intense arguments like these. They continued to belittle and wack at the other man and she stood awkwardly and watched. 

Her mind wandered to Kylo as she studied the exchange. She wondered if he had a sibling to fight with like this or if these arguments were with his parents. A frown crossed her lips at the thought. Although she did care deeply for the man, she still felt a tang of jealousy now and then. He grew up with two parents who loved him and a family that helped him grow. Of course, Rey knew there was more behind the scenes of their relationship that would influence his decision to the Dark but until he told her the details, she just had to suck in her jealousy and anger.

After a few minutes of watching the boys bark at each other, she could wait no more. 

"Poe!" Rey demanded. The two man stopped and turned to face her. She saw the sweat trickle down Poe's face and the massive vein pop out of Armitage's forehead. "The Resistance!" 

He nodded and turned to his old friend. "Move the ship." 

"No." The redhead replied. 

"Move the ship or else." Poe threatened. 

"Move the ship or else what?" Armitage challenged. 

"Move the ship or I will shove my foot so far up your a-"

"Poe!" Rey interrupted. "Cut it out!" 

The pilot looked at her and sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers before glaring up at his friend. He spoke up gently, his arms crossed. 

"Why did you land the ship here? Was it really just to see me?" Poe tried his best to sound polite. 

"Yes and no." The pasty officer said. "We needed to talk and I need her." 

All eyes landed on the worried scavenger and she raised her rock staff to her eye level once more. 

"Her?" Poe questioned. "Why Rey?" 

"Come on, surely you know." Armitage teased. 

"Know what?" He was getting annoyed. 

When he spoke next, he turned his contorted face to Rey. "She's the Supreme Leader's weakness." 

"What?" Poe spat. "That's ridiculous." 

"Oh no it's not." He replied, eyes still on her. "Do you want to tell him or shall I?" 

Her body stiffen and she had no idea what this man knew. He continued to look sharply at her and she grew very uncomfortable. 

"Rey," Poe brought her back into reality. "What is it?" 

"I-I," Rey stuttered. "I have no idea what he's talking about." 

As the evil man laughed, she looked out in her mind for Kylo. Her anger towards him vanished as quickly as it had appeared. She felt his presence, as she always did, but now tugged on it as best she could. Nothing happened so she held onto his home in her mind as she thought loudly in her head. She prayed he heard her. 

"Ben," Rey thought to herself.

She was brought back to reality with a snap. Her eyes widen as the man before her released a secret out in the open air. 

"The scavenger didn't kill Snoke," Armitage began. "It was Kylo Ren." 

Poe looked confused. "Why would he kill Snoke? That was his master." 

"Because he loves the girl." 

That statement hung in the air as she sucked in a deep breath. 

"Ben, please respond."

Rey swallowed deeply as she watched the expression of the pilot change from confusion to anger. 

"How could he possibly love Rey? They've spoken like two times!" Poe shouted. 

The evil smile on Armitage's twisted face never left. "Snoke bridged their minds. They could speak to each other through the Force when no one else knew. I believe it went away after he passed but that was enough for Ren to fall head over heels for the girl." 

She gulped. A part of her was thankful that this man didn't know they were connected by the Force and not the former Supreme Leader but she was livid with the pasty fellow. 

"Is this true?" Poe questioned. "Have you been talking to the enemy the entire time?" 

She shook her head. "No, no it's not like that." 

"But you did talk to him?" He snarled. 

"Well, yes, but-" 

"Damn it, Rey! I thought we could trust you!" Poe snapped. She looked at him with confusion and worry all over her face. 

"You can!" She cried. "Like he said, they stopped after Snoke died and they were never serious! It was just him trying to convert me to the Dark side and it never worked!" 

"You seriously think I'm going to believe that?" He replied. 

She frowned. "Why wouldn't you believe me?" 

"Gods, Rey, you can be so stupid sometimes." Poe said. She was shocked at his bluntness and stepped back in fear. 

"Poe," She began. Her tone was stern but she felt it waver at the end. 

"Fine, take her." He said and stepped away to the corner of the cave. 

Armitage smiled, his yellow teeth making a sickening appearance. "Glad to have done business with you, Dameron." 

The two stormtroopers walked past the First Order soldier, blasters raised. The sound of their armored shoes clacking against the rock ground filled her ears and encouraged her to tease the troopers with a flick of her rock staff. She twirled it in her hands, blocking each blow they tried to put on her. 

In all honesty, Rey was much more talented in combat than any stormtrooper could ever be. Their guns were raised as they fired shot after shot, stepping closer with each one until she could hear their heavy breathing. The edges of her staff grew black from the shots as she deflected them all. 

One of the soldiers stepped forward to crash the blaster into her skull, to which she responded by ducking and swiveling on her feet to strike the poor person in the knees. She heard a howl as they bent down to their busted joint. Taking advantage of the moment, Rey struck the white helmet hard. The trooper fell forward, falling silent. 

The second one had crept behind her whilst she fought the other. They had their blaster inches from her head as she raised her staff to meet the metal gun. She turned sharply and they both pressed their weight into the weapons they carried. She felt her knees bend as this trooper was much stronger than her, but she was far smarter than him.

Rey ducked rapidly, flying behind him as he fell forward, her staff striking his back to silence his efforts. Both troopers laid still in the cave as the Jedi pushed off the little trickle of sweat that had perspired on her forehead. 

She looked up to see Armitage beet red in the face, his featured twisted as his mouth hung open. Poe stood with his mouth forming a thin line. She shrugged nonchalantly as she stepped over the bodies of the troopers. 

"What next?" Rey threatened. She raised her hands in the air to represent her challenge. 

The two men looked at each other and whispered in hushed tones. She didn't catch a word of it. The contorted face of the evil man pulled back in disdain. 

"Report to me when you've successfully gotten her in the ship and I will fly off immediately." Armitage bit as he trotted into the ship he came from. 

The pilot nodded as he turned to face Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:  
> hey guys! what do you think so far? this chapter is a little short, not a lot but still i apologize if you wanted a really long one. 
> 
> utter side note but i watched "can't hardly wait" for like the fifth time and and to no one's surprise, i loved it ☺️
> 
> if you're enjoying, don't forget to leave a vote and a comment letting me know! it encourages my writing :) 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1962  
> word count w/ authors note: 2042


	22. Chapter 22

Poe rolled his head around his shoulders. He got in a fighting stance. "Let's fight, no weapons, no Force. Just you and I, traitor." 

Rey frowned as she tossed her rock staff to the side. She closed her fists and puffed her chest, trying her best to show the confidence she did not have. She knew that she lacked physical strength in comparison to Poe and feared that without a weapon, she would lose. 

They began to circle each other, slowly and creepily like prey and predator though Rey couldn't be sure which she was. Her movements were deliberately planned, her footsteps light and her mind already thinking of ways she could outsmart him. 

Poe pounced first, throwing a fist to Rey's previously injured shoulder. She narrowly dodged it but felt his finger slide past her exposed skin. He took advantage of the shift to left and struck her side with the other hand. She backed away and hunched over for a second to catch her breath. She looked up to glare daggers at the pilot. 

"Poe," Rey began. "You don't have to do this." 

His nostrils flared as he moved to strike her arm, her actively blocking him from doing so. "Yes. I. Do."

Poe advanced again and Rey noticed his aim for her head. As she had done with the troopers, she ducked low and knocked him off his feet in one solid movement. She swiveled on her feet to see him squirm his way up. Anger was written over his once handsome features and she hated to see the way this would end. 

He yelped as he went after her feet. She ran to the rock wall and used it to propel herself backwards, causing him to crash into the ground as she rolled away successfully. When Poe rose, blood trickled down his head and he snarled at her. 

"Rey?" Kylo's voice echoed in her head as he responded to her previous calls. 

Poe noticed her shift and pounced after her before she could properly react, his hands encircling her throat. She clawed at his fingers as her air pipes slowly closed. She tried to contact Kylo and let him know she was in danger but the lack of oxygen was creating a bigger problem. He lifted her head and crashed it down against the rock floor. The warm blood on her skull intensified. Her lungs grew as she fought for air. She felt the bruises on her neck already forming as he tightened his grip. She gurgled against his hold and it seemed to infuriate him more.

"You damn traitor!" Poe roared. 

Her eyes bulged as her body quivered in fear. It felt as if her brain was being cut off from the rest of her body and she tried desperately not to fall into unconsciousness as Poe lifted her head to slam in down again. Her hair felt damp from the hot rush of blood. She released a hand to summon the rock staff she had before with as much energy as she could muster. It crashed in her hand, splitting open some of the skin but she didn't care. She felt the edges of her vision blur as she slammed the rock onto Poe's head. 

His eyes widen as his mouth popped open. She struck him again and he collapsed on top of her. She rolled his body off of hers and fought for her breath. Her hands covered her throat as she sucked the air surrounding her in. 

Her coughs were hysterical and she barely noticed the bond flicker on with Kylo until she felt a hand on her back. Rey rushed away before seeing him, her body visibly relaxing at his presence. He lifted her gently in his arms, carrying her to lean against a rock for support. She soaked in his body warmth as it tempted her into dozing off. Rey knew she couldn't fall asleep though, despite the pull she felt for it. 

Once he set her down, she peered up to see the worry and anger on his face. His brow was creased and his lips parted. His cheeks were flared red and those warm, brown eyes she had slowly become accustomed to flared pitch black. He closed his lips as he made sure that she was as comfortable as she could be whilst lying on a rock. He rubbed her shoulder in smooth circles as he stared at the bruises on her neck. His hand moved to touch them, eyes flickering up at Rey for her approval to which he received a nod. The slender fingers barely grazed it and she shuttered at the touch, a mixture of utter pain and embarrassment. 

Kylo rose slowly. "I'll be right back." 

Rey nodded with wide eyes. She didn't want him to leave as he retreated from her vision. She looked around and saw the First Order ship rise and shoot out of the sky. Poe laid still on the ground but she still heard his loud breathing. Her legs tried to haul her up to chase the ship and help her friends but she couldn't even make it into a squatting position before coughing wildly.

Kylo emerged from her blocked view with an ice pack, a bandage, water and what appeared to be pain pills. He scoffed as he helped her lean against the rock again but didn't tell her off for moving. 

"Open. They'll help with the pain." He demanded and she silently obliged. He popped the pills in her mouth and then stuck the straw between her lips. She gulped at the water and flinched as she swallowed, the raw walls of her throat growing tight. She held a hand to her neck and knew there were bruises in the making. 

Kylo reached tentatively to her, searching her eyes for permission. She nodded and he soaked up the blood on her head with a towel she hadn't noticed. Quickly, she felt his fingers wiggle the bandage loose and arrange it over her wound. When he was finished, he gave her the ice pack. Rey raised her eyebrows at him. 

"Place it on your neck." 

She did as instructed and felt the cold soothe her aching muscle. "T-thank-k...you..."

"Rey," He began as she continued to breath in loudly, sucking in the air she had just been denied. "What the hell happened?" 

She swallowed, wincing in pain again as the saliva hit her throat. She was not enjoying the constant wave of pain she felt when she spoke, swallowed or breathed. Her hand tightened on the ice pack. She lifted a weary hand to the ship flying away in the distance. A flash of anger rolled into her as she realized he was a part of the First Order. He must've sent that twisted man here to find her and for that, Rey was furious. 

She squinted her eyes as she shoved him away. 

"F-First..Order-r..." She squeezed out. "F-found...us...at-tacked....you.."

Rey took a moment to notice that her voice croaked miserably when she spoke and that it burned as the words fell out. The letters were mushed together and her speech felt utterly destroyed. She worried and prayed that this wasn't permanent damage as she couldn't afford to lose the ability to talk during a war. 

Kylo's eyes grew slightly at both her accusation and her clear state of pain. "What? I never commanded my men to attack. I never even told them the location!" 

Her own eyes widen a little. "You-u...didn-n't..at-tack?"

He shook his head. "Maker, Rey, no. You need to stop talking. If you're going to, do it with one word so you don't continue to damage your voice box. Who the hell tried to strangle you?" 

Rey actively ignored his request. "You..k-knew..o-our..loca-ation?" 

Kylo sighed as he realized he was going to have to explain this all to her if she was ever going to actually rest. 

"Yes, Rey, I know you guys are on Ajan Kloss. I didn't send the fleet to attack you. I have a sneaking suspicion on who it was though based on the urgency of it all." 

Her eyes were wide as the realization hit. 

Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order and easily the most feared man in the galaxy has purposely avoided attacking his sworn enemy. But why?

Rey was bustling with questions after this new discovery but knew that her voice was scarce after Poe had tried to strangle her to death. She kept a mental list in her head so when she could form proper sentences, she would overwhelm him with them. 

"Was there anyone here, Rey? Any name you know of? Maybe you could tell me the name of whoever the hell strangled you?" Kylo bit as he tried to urge her to tell her information. 

"A-a-arm-mitage..."

His eyes narrowed. He practically hissed. "General Armitage Hux no doubt. He tried to strangle you?" 

She shook her head and swallowed. "N-not..him-m..P-Poe."

"The pilot? The pilot tried to strangle you?" 

Rey nodded slowly. Kylo breathed in deeply and she felt the fury build within him. He became a volcano on the verge of exploding. This information was stirring the molten lava in the pit of his stomach and knowing the pilot hurt her sent him off. 

He leapt from his position on the floor and kicked the nearest thing to him, which happened to be a wall. Pain jolted up his leg as he slammed his fist into the metal barrier. Blood warmed the inside of his leather glove but he ignored it. His body was shaking at the news and he tugged at his hair. 

Rey looked up at him sadly. She tossed the ice pack to the side as she moved her feet underneath her legs. Slowly, she forced her body up, holding onto the rock wall for support. Kylo's hands flew to support her but she batted them away. 

"P-Poe..and H-Hux...have been work-king together-r." Rey stuttered.

Kylo gritted his teeth and held his jaw with his hand as he began to think. An idea popped in his brain and he nearly kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner. "Rey, can you show me what happened?"

She slowly nodded and stumbled forward. Rey took his hand in hers and flashed the memories from just moments ago, including some information from meetings so he could get the full picture. The shocked faces of the Resistance members, Poe explaining his story followed by the TIE fighters and the childish argument between Hux and Poe crowded her mind as she took her time in showing Kylo everything she could think of. 

Rey felt his anger spike when she replayed the strangling. A chill touched her spine at the thought of her having two near death experiences so close together. 

Kylo exhaled afterwards and tried his best to conceal his anger. "Looks like they've been working together for some time." 

Rey nodded and moved to speak. "Y-yes-"

"Speak in my mind instead of your voice. You could damage it more if you keep speaking." He said sternly, not asking but demanding her to do so. She felt that familiar urge of stubbornness and almost opened her mouth to speak. The burning sensation in her throat as well as the tender bruises made her listen to him though she swore it would be the last time. 

"Yes," Rey thought in her head. "They've been talking for a while because they were childhood friends. I don't think Poe actually wanted Hux to come and attack us though."

Kylo stared at her blankly. "But he told him the location of the base. And, if I recall properly, the pilot is the Commander of your little Resistance which means he would've been fully aware of the dangers of inviting someone from the First Order."

"He was lonely! He just wanted a friend." She argued. 

"Yes, but he has quite the handful of friends at the base."

"The man who rejected him was at the base! I definitely wouldn't want to be near the man who didn't care for me the same way." She thought. A beat of silence filled them as they stared at each other. It was clear both of their minds rushed to the other despite their best attempts. 

Kylo licked his lips before pressing them into a thin line. "Rey, you're making excuses for him." Her brows furrowed as she openly objected his statement. He raised his hand and continued to speak. "I understand that he's your friend but it's obvious to me that this is something that he's been planning for a while. Whether or not that was consciously done, I don't know."

She furrowed her eyebrows, her beautiful face portraying confusion and irritation. "So you're telling me that he wanted to hurt the Resistance? And what do you mean by 'consciously done'?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." Kylo stated. "The brain makes decisions sometimes without realizing what we are doing."

"Like when you came to heal me?" Rey interjected. 

The Supreme Leader flushed red but nodded. "Yes, that was a decision I made without thinking of the repercussions. It was a subconscious decision. I'm saying that the pilot may have known that Finn would say no so he subconsciously made decisions that would severely impact the Resistance in a negative way, such as contacting Hux.

"That's most likely why he never left the planet but pretended he did to make you chase after him like dogs. He knew that would drain the resources so that when he was ready for Hux to come, your fleet would be weakened. When you found him, he ran inside the ship and I can almost bet he was begging Hux to come and then talked your ear off long enough for the First Order's ships to come and kidnap or destroy your people. And then, he put on an act in front of you but it quickly changed and he accused you of all people for being a traitor. 

"Like I said, I don't know how much of this was subconsciously done but there is little to no doubt in my mind that the pilot wanted to hurt the Resistance." Kylo finished. 

Rey stood, open mouthed at the startling bits of observations her bonded had acquired by just looking at her memories. She felt a great amount of awe for him in that moment. She knew he was intelligent but he just proved it to her all while trying to help her realize that her friend may not be as good as she thought. 

"Damn," Rey thought loud enough for them both to hear. "You should've been a detective."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys! my plot is all over the place right now but how are you liking it? it's been a lot of fun to write and i've noticed my chapters are getting slightly longer as i can't seem to cut out any of what i write hehe. 
> 
> also hope you guys don't mind the little surprise upload! i write all of my chapters way in advance (i believe this chapter was written in the middle of december) and sometimes i feel like i just can't wait to post!
> 
> don't forget to vote and comment if you're enjoying the story! they encourage me to write!
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2380
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2464


	23. Chapter 23

"This is what we have to do," Kylo began in a stern voice as he paced back and forth in front of Rey. "Go back to your friends and help them with any of the damage. Suggest planning a surprise attack on the First Order. If your generals are smart enough, they should know you won't be able to but at least they'll trust that you're on their side. I doubt they wouldn't have before but we don't know the extent of the damage the pilot has caused. Make it look like you evacuated the planet without actually leaving. Send a few large ships out of the atmosphere for some time and then come back. This should fool the First Order for a little while, or at least until I can deal with Hux." 

Rey nodded along quietly. She spoke up through their mind connection while her voice box was still damaged. "And what of Poe?"

"Okay, this is going to bother me too much. You shouldn't go this long with an untreated injury." Kylo stated as he marched over to her. He had thought he could just leave her be and let the Resistance treat her but even just glancing over at her and seeing the jarring bruises and hearing her broken voice hurt him way too much. 

"I'm from Jakku, I've gone longer." She gently teased as a way to assure him that she was alright. 

His heart stopped in his chest at the thought of her being in pain and alone with no one to help her. He made a silent vow to himself never to let that happen. 

"Not anymore." He raised his hand to meet her throat and she looked at him with wide eyes. "It's okay, I'm healing it."

Rey nodded while he wrapped his large hand around her slim neck. He pressed gingerly into it, causing her to hiss gently but soon the pain of her voice box melted away into nothingness. She swallowed and felt a small sting in her throat but nothing compared to what happened previously. 

"I hope you don't mind," Kylo started. "I left the bruises so that the Resistance would understand everything but you didn't have to deal with a painful throat. They should heal faster though." 

She looked up at him happily. Just the other day she was thinking of why she had begun to care for him so deeply and this was definitely one of them. "Thank you."

Her voice sounded exactly the same besides breaking a little in the beginning. Her accent struck his ears and he had to hide the little blush that grew. 

"Um, yeah. Now what did you ask?" He anxiously replied. She chuckled inwardly and wondered if Leia or Han ever taught him how to talk to girls properly. Some moments he exceeded himself and others, well, they were similar to that of a preteen boy.

"Oh, yes, what of Poe?" Rey replied.

He narrowed his eyes as their conversation turned dark. "Leave him here to die."

"Ben!" She scolded, crossing her arms across her chest. 

"No, I'm serious, Rey." He stated. "He tried to kill you. He doesn't deserve another second of your time."

"He's part of my family." She remarked. 

"Family doesn't kill family!" Kylo urged but a thick cloud of irony enveloped them. He swallowed, hard. His throat bobbed and his body stiffened at his own words. He stopped pacing and looked down at the floor. 

Rey felt it, the inner battle he always fought, increase in intensity within him once more. She cautiously walked forward to the man dressed in black. She placed her hand on his cheek and pushed his head to look at her. He stood frozen at her touch, not daring to move as if he would ruin the tender movement.

His skin was warm and she watched as his cheeks flooded red from her palm. She felt the sharp blades of stubble stick out on her hand and she couldn't deny that she found it charming. The pad of her thumb went over the scar she had branded him with many moons ago as Rey smiled sadly up at her bonded. 

Kylo leaned in to her comforting touch after a few moments, his eyes falling shut. Her fingers were soft, surprisingly soft considering she was a Jedi who often fought in combat. The palm of her hand held callouses that showed off her hard work but he didn't mind in the slightest. He felt himself shutter as she dragged her thumb over his scar. Her thumb settled on his jawline and he forced his eyes to open. 

Rey's hazel eyes met his warm, brown ones and they both got lost in the moment. She studied his handsome features and subtle mannerisms and swore never to forget them. She mentally made a list of her favorites. It started with the way he double blinked when his eyes glanced at her lips. His eyes followed close behind, the brown color sweeping her in. A few freckles and moles dotted his skin and she memorized the location of them all. She thought of the way he pursed his lips whenever she did something he didn't agree with but he never prevented her from doing it. Her heart almost stopped when she thought of his subconscious decisions to help her time and time again. 

Her mind wandered as she questioned herself. How had she let him affect her this deeply? Months ago, he was the enemy but he had transformed into something so much more. Even the first time they had bonded seemed completely different from the bond they shared by the fire not long after that. Each connection grew and manifested itself into the two of them sharing information they hadn't dreamed to recount with anyone else. Her care for him grew day by day and she still could barely admit it to herself. 

"He cares deeply for you, dear. And you care deeply for him."

Clementine's sweet words came into her mind once more, filling her with a warm sensation. A jarring thought crept in, ruining her moment, as she began to doubt the nurse's comment.

Rey had felt worried before that Kylo didn't feel the same way for her but Clementine's remark had pushed that thought away. Now, days after she had said it, the insecure feeling consumed her. 

He was dashingly handsome and she was sure that women threw themselves upon him at any chance they got, especially since he was the Supreme Leader. He could chose any woman he could ever want and she felt incredibly unnerved by the thought. Why would he chose a lowly scavenger when he could get an actual queen?

She snapped her gaze away from him as the thoughts ate at her. Rey moved to remove her hand away from his face but she felt his leather gloved one encase her own. She looked up to see him staring down at her with concern over his features. 

"Rey," Kylo began softly. "What is it?"

"Nothing." She said quietly to him, still very aware of their close proximity. She stepped away, her back facing him as she picked up her rock staff in case anyone else wanted to fight her when she returned to the base. 

"You're lying." He stated. 

Rey stopped in her tracks and she let her eyes shoot up to him accusingly. "Am not!"

"Yes, you are." Kylo said. "Every time you lie, that little wrinkle in between your eyebrows pops out and you try not to talk."

Her mouth popped open and she crossed her arms tightly around her chest. "No it does not!"

He pointed to her eyebrows. "It's doing it now."

She raised her fingers to touch the spot he was referring to and sure enough, that little wrinkle was bulging out and she couldn't deny that she was trying not to speak a lot. Her mouth dropped closed and she bit the inside of her cheek. 

"What were you thinking about?" He asked kindly. He had heavily resisted the urge to just peer inside her head even though every nerve in him wanted to. 

Silence filled the space between as Rey contemplated her options. She could confide in him now and look pathetically weak. She could lie but of course he could catch on to her now so there really was no point in furthering herself in the mess she made. She clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth when she made a decision.

"I'll tell you what I was thinking about if you tell me what you were thinking about." Rey challenged. A smirk graced her pink lips and he frowned at her offer. 

Truth be told, Kylo didn't want to reveal that he was thinking about how beautiful she was, as he often did. He studied her features closely and noticed some he hadn't seen before, like how long her eyelashes really were or how many freckles were clustered on her nose. When his eyes found her lips, he bit back a lot of self control. They looked as they would fit perfectly against hers and he wanted to test that theory out. 

He bit his lip as he looked at her. She didn't say to tell her the whole truth so he was going to tell her bits and pieces. "You're on."

Rey's eyes widen as her mouth popped open. She hadn't believe he would seriously consider this and now she flushed in embarrassment. She swallowed and pursed her lips, looking down at the floor. She had agreed to it and now she felt compelled to go through with what she was saying. All she had growing up was her word and she still considered it something of high value. She couldn't break that even for her sometimes insufferable bonded. 

She looked at the floor as she spoke quietly, just loud enough for him to hear. "I was thinking about your face."

A cocky smirk graced his own lips. "What of my face?"

Her eyes found his. "If you get to ask me questions, that means I get to ask you questions so chose what you say wisely." 

The smirk vanished at her words but he pressed on lightly. "That is a risk I am willing to take, scavenger."

Rey frowned at him but took a deep breath. "I just think that a lot of women probably throw themselves at you since you're the Supreme Leader and decently attractive." 

"Oh, I'm just decently attractive?" Kylo teased. "Would've assumed you thought higher of me."

"Okay, devilishly handsome, will that work for you, your highness?" Rey quipped though she was visibly uncomfortable. 

Kylo's voice grew soft. "Is that what you were seriously thinking about?"

An awkward silence enveloped them for a moment before she quietly piped up. "Yes."

"Rey, women try occasionally because I am the Supreme Leader but I've never done anything with anyone." He said gently. 

"Why would I care if you did?" She asked but her voice shook a little with uncertainty. 

"I don't know." He replied. "I don't think that's all you were thinking about though."

Her eyes met his and he say them glaze over with tears. The wrinkle between her eyebrows bulged again. "Nope, that was all."

"All you're willing to share or all you were thinking about?" Kylo questioned. 

"All I was thinking about." Rey responded, her voice barely above a whisper. 

"I know you're lying. I don't want to press and make you uncomfortable." He started. "This just feels like something I can help you with."

"If I tell you, do you promise not to look at me differently? Ben, do you promise?" She pleaded. She was yearning to know him better and confide in him but had been so unsure with the pace of their relationship. Part of her still thought this was something she shouldn't be sharing but his vulnerable expression made her want to give him all of the information in her head. 

"Nothing you could tell me would make me look at you differently." He affirmed. He placed his large hands on her elbows since her arms were still tightly wrapped around her chest. She looked up at him and sighed. 

"I was worried that you," She had begun but got nervous and dropped her head away from him. "That you wouldn't chose me. Which I know is ridiculous considering-"

"Rey," Kylo interrupted. "It's not ridiculous."

She peered up to see those eyes she had grown so fond of. "It's not?"

"No, it's not." He said. "The truth is, it almost frightens me how quickly I would chose you over anything in the galaxy."

Rey's lips parted at his revelation. "What?"

"You are more important to me than anything I have or have ever had in my life. You are my most treasured discovery. You are my galaxy. But most importantly," Kylo revealed. "You are my Light."

"Your Light?" Rey's soft voice asked. 

Kylo nodded, his raven hair shaking behind him. "My Light. My Rey of Sunshine."

She rolled her eyes at the nickname but smiled up at him. It was a real and genuine smile on her lips and he was entranced. She took a step forward and leaned against his body. His arms curled over hers as she snuggled in close, inhaling his scent. He smelt of leather, soap and pine trees. It was an odd combination but she loved it. 

"Thank you." She whispered against his chest. 

"Always." He replied, pulling her closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys! how are you feeling about this chapter's not-so-surprising reveal of our main boy's feelings? i know that i'm enjoying it! 
> 
> i cannot thank you enough for 1k views!! this is crazy, thank you!
> 
> also, this story is now available on archive of our own (ao3)! i'm still transferring all of the chapters so it's not all up but it will get there if you prefer that set up.
> 
> don't forget to vote and comment if you're liking the story! it encourages my writing :)
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2163
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2222


	24. Chapter 24

Rey's heart was beating fast as she landed Poe's stolen Resistance ship back to their base. Her interaction with Kylo was pleasant, having ended with him affirming his affection for her. The pink dusted on her cheeks intensified every time their hug came to mind, although that was practically all she could think of. She tried to wipe her goofy grin off her face as the ship landed sharply against the ground. 

She turned around to see Poe's unconscious body still strapped to a chair, the blood on his head crusting over. She grabbed a towel from the seat beside her as she dapped at the blood. It washed off gently but she didn't bother to wake him up. Frankly, Rey didn't care. Her eyes darted outside the window and opened her mouth in shock. She popped off her helmet and practically ran off the ship. 

Debris littered the ground as the most of their ships and supplies had been bombed. The only light was the tiny fires that dotted the surface. In the corner of her eye, she could see one of their ships still lit aflame while soldiers tried to dim it. Blood was smeared on the ground and the few people she did see were covered in soot and destruction. She saw no dead bodies but severed limbs did scatter the floor, causing her to turn away in equal horror and disgust. 

Rey's feet didn't work fast enough as she ran to the door, yanking it open to reveal the bustling creatures on the inside. Dirt and blood covered the walls and ground, the beautiful vines that once hung were now tainted with broken promises and shattered lives. Cries of despair and loss was all she could hear and she turned to see a man lying on the floor. His arm was no where to be found and blood pumped from the wound like a river. An elderly woman wept over him as he whispered something in her ear, her cries growing. His chest froze and his eyes and mouth stayed open as his final breath left his body. 

"No, my son!" The woman roared through sobs. A medical droid came to assess him and she draped her body over him, her shirt soaking in his still fresh blood. "Don't hurt him! He's my only child!" 

The droid looked down at the exchange and analyzed the body. "My body scan reports that he is no longer alive. Would you like me to attempt revival?" 

The woman wept as she buried her face in her son's now cold shoulder. "No, no. I can feel it. He's left us for good. My poor boy."

She rose and laid a hand on his face as his body disappeared on the floor, his clothes sinking down. Rey watched as his spirit joined the Force, feeling it pulsing stronger with life but filled with the same sadness of his newly broken mother. 

Her own eyes filled with tears as she watched the exchange. Death was never something she would become accustomed to and her heart tore for that elderly woman who lost her only child. Rey weaved her way through the people as she began to cry. She heard a few people calling her name but none of them matched the person she was looking for. 

Her anger was brewing and stirring and she felt the familiar hatred she used to hold so strongly against the First Order rise to power again. Their devilish need for control and the cat and mouse game they played with the Resistance was tiring at best. Both parties were drained but she was just getting started. 

Her mind wandered to Kylo Ren and it felt as if her care for him vanished entirely. Rey was furious with him and thought of their last encounter. It must have been a way to distract her so they could cause fatal damage to the organization they hated so much. There was no other reason for him to be so kind to her and keep her around for what felt like hours. 

Stars, she was angry. She knew he was intelligent and manipulative but always thought of herself as one of the few people where his little tricks didn't work. She had been sorely mistaken and in the end, had hurt her entire friends in the process. In her mind, she didn't even deserve the title of being their friend after this. 

Rey turned the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. There, sobbing uncontrollably, was Rose Tico. She was in a fetal position as she rocked back and forth. Like the others, dirt covered her face and clothes and she saw the blood soaked clothes that she wore. She hurried to her side as she squatted so she was at the same eye level. She reached a hand out and watched as her friend flinched at her touch. 

"Rose," Rey said as her lip trembled. Tears threatened to slip but she had to stay strong. 

"They took him." Rose stated clearly despite her consistent crying. "They took him."

"Who?" She asked but she felt as if she already knew. 

"They took him." She repeated, rocking slightly against the floor. "They took my Finn." 

***

Rey felt numb. 

It was the next full day after the attack. The First Order had hit them at night and the Resistance had spent the entirety of the day helping as many injured people as they could as well as cleaning up the base. General Leia had wanted to evacuate immediately but soon realized her people were far too weak to be shuffled into ships. Over seventy-five percent of their members had been injured in some way and everyone was traumatized. The safest move was to give a few days for recovery and then leave. With that idea in mind, she scheduled a meeting for that very day and Rey was not looking forward to it. 

Her eyelids were heavy but she gained no sleep when she kept them closed. Insomnia tried it's best to smother her and she would be lying if she said it wasn't working. She couldn't force a smile when she thought of the situation they had been placed in. 

The First Order had destroyed nearly all of their supplies and had kidnapped ten Resistance members, most of which she knew and cared for deeply. They took Finn. She presumed they targeted him because of his past alliance with them. They took Jenkins and Ezma. They took Artoo Deetoo and Clementine. They even took Chewie. 

She felt as if the rug was pulled out from beneath her but instead of feeling the overwhelming amount of pain, someone shot her with a tranquilizer, killing her emotions and leaving her an empty shell of a heartbroken friend. Rey almost couldn't express how guilty she felt for not feeling those emotions, especially after seeing the shattered Rose. She assumed that was the Dark side trying to toy with her by building a wall so she had been meditating the night away once sleep decided to leave her body once and for all. 

And the worst part about it all was that she had brought Poe home with her. She mentally cursed herself for feeling any amount of sympathy for the man that had brought so much terror to his supposed family. Once Rey saw the damage, she immediately told their security workers of his presence and he was cast into a jail cell until further notice. She had sighed and almost chuckled when she realized that she should've listened to Kylo and just left him. 

No, she thought. She briefly thought of Raanan's words, recalling how he thought some people just weren't worth saving. How could she defend the creatures of the galaxy with a moral code she herself couldn't even abide by? She shook her head at the thought. She wouldn't allow herself to be tempted by the Dark side or immoral things. Nothing would change her views on her core beliefs, even a challenging and traitorous pilot. 

Rey was brought back to her dusty bedroom, the pale wall staring at her as her eyes finally crept open. The mood was entirely different. The light that shone through the window was dull from the cloudy sky. Every wall, every piece of furniture suddenly felt dirty underneath her fingertips. She had no will to get in bed but when she got in, she had no will to leave. The minutes trickled by as she waited for the meeting she did not want to go to. She had felt Kylo try to connect with her but she pushed it away, for a second amazed with herself for doing so before falling into the same hole of retreating away from others. 

She wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. He and his men had hurt her and her family in ways that were inexcusable and she kept mentally cursing herself for thinking he had changed. 

After Rey had found Rose huddled on the ground whilst melting in her own tears, she had dragged her to her own room. Rose shared it with another kind lady who left them alone while she cared for her heartbroken friend. She helped her bathe herself and get into clean clothes. She tucked her in bed and brought her the food she could find from the scattered remains. And then, she listened to Rose cry. 

She wept about her loved one and feared for his life at the hands of the First Order. Rey agreed wholeheartedly but demanded to herself that she had to stay positive for her friend's sake. She plastered a small but sad smile and whispered little words of encouragement. It seemed to give Rose a false sense of hope but they both knew that their words were meaningless. Until they spoke about this with everyone, there was no way to predict the outcome of the future. 

Still, it seemed to do the trick as Rose fell gently into sleep. Her fist was wrapped tightly around the necklace she wore, the one that her and her sister were connected by. Her knees practically touched her chin and she slept peacefully for as long as Rey was there. After a while, she slipped out of the room and made her way to the cafeteria. It was still day when Rose fell asleep and she wanted desperately to help in any way she could. 

Although Rey was too nervous to say it aloud, she felt and knew this whole attack was her fault. 

She felt a tear drip down her face at the newly exposed wall and giants amount of rubbish standing in piles to the side of the cafeteria as she entered. She and a few other members worked on clearing that room out, draining their physical bodies and emotional spirits. They put out any fires and tossed the garbage towards the back of the base. Any chairs or tables they could salvage was put back in place. As for the wall, they placed a sheet of cloth to protect the outside weather from the creatures on the inside. While it still looked really depressing, it was cleaner than before and safe enough for members to walked atop of it. 

With that, Rey retreated to her little room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys! wow, this story is getting so long. if i'm being honest, i am not satisfied with this one but it's necessary for whats to come. sorry this chapter is a little short! definitely a filler chapter for the next one... also, don't forget to vote and comment! that's what inspires me to keep writing :)
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1812
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 1937


	25. Chapter 25

Rey wished goodbyes to the people she had cleaned the cafeteria with as she trekked her way to that lovely shower of hers. Her skin was dirty and disgusting and a combination of other peoples blood was soaked into her white tunic. She tore the clothes off when she entered her room and began to scrub at the blood stains with that little white bowl of water that she let rest on her makeshift desk. She had a small brush she used for cleaning her shoes and supposed that would work for her clothes. Her used bar of soap sat on her nightstand and she rubbed some of it off for her dirty clothes. Her hand then rubbed vigorously against the fabric, straightening it out before taking the brush to it. 

The white foam of the soap overwhelmed the clothes and frothed upon the top. Soon, the color became a light pink as the blood transferred from cloth to water. It motivated her to scrub harder, breaking some of her own skin on her hand in the process. 

Rey had entirely forgotten that she was nearly naked until a gust of wind crept beneath the door. Her skin hit the cold air sharply as she stood in only her underwear but her persistent scrubbing of the red splotches was all that consumed her mind. Her own blood came through the water and she felt the sting of the soap. 

A familiar buzz entered the room and Rey ignored it, hoping it was a figment of her imagination. As most things were with the man that stood behind her in the freezing room, it was reality. 

"Woah," Kylo Ren's voice struck the air. "Do you have a towel or something?"

She sharply turned to him. The rims of her eyes were puffy and her nose was bright red, indicating her tears that she had been trying to hold back but couldn't. Her hands were still in the bowl with her clothes but her head was facing him. 

"Go away." Rey retorted as she went back to scrubbing the blood off. The stinging in her hand increased as she squeezed more soap off of her bar. She heard his footsteps approach her but she did not turn. 

"Rey, what's going on?" His deep voice demanded. The rising tension in the air was not pleasant and if she wasn't so upset by the events of the day, she might dare say it was sexual. But it was not. It was her anger towards the First Order and then in turn, her anger towards him. Her growing affection for him had traded it's spot for the hatred she held when she first met him. He almost revolted her when she thought of the things he had done. 

"I don't want to talk about it, especially not with you of all people." Rey spat out. Her hands sped up and red water started to slosh in the white bowl. The stinging soap cut into her scraps and she winced at the feeling but pressed on. Kylo's pale hand reached out and covered her wet one. His warm hand welcomed her cold one and for a split second, the care for him came back. She quickly thought of Starkiller Base and was brought back down to a crashing halt at the thought of Han Solo's body tumbling over the side of the long bridge. She broke her frigid position and looked up at him through narrow eyes. 

"Tell me what's going on." He responded. 

"No." She replied. She yanked her hand out of his grip and plunged it back into the red stained water. She began to scrub, the sound of friction filling the room uncomfortably.

"Tell me what's going on." He repeated.

She scoffed as she looked up at him. She found a towel on the desk and dried her hands off while staring at Kylo. The cut stung and she lifted her hand to examine it. 

"Ouch," Rey mumbled beneath her breath. 

He took her hand and brought it to him. He saw the cut and her stomach flipped as she felt his hot breath hitting her fingers. 

"Wait a moment." Kylo instructed. He disappeared from her line of sight and returned seconds later with a bandaid. He carefully unwrapped it and covered the wound with it's white coating. Rey watched silently as he curled her fingers into her palm when he was done. "All better." 

She gave a quick nod and fumbled with the bandage. "Thanks." 

"Of course." Kylo replied. She shook her head to remind herself of the objective at hand.

She leaned against the desk. "Wait, didn't you just say the other day that you wouldn't ask me to tell you something I didn't want to? And now you're trying to force me? You're such a kriffing hypocrite."

"I did say that," Kylo began. "But this is different."

"How? I don't want to talk to you about this but yet you keep asking." Rey said through gritted teeth. She looked around at the floor and pulled up the beige, thin robe she often wore. She wrapped it around her body swiftly as his hand so close to hers had reminded her of her near nudeness. Blush had already forced it's way onto her cheeks despite her best interest. 

"Because you're lying to me, Rey." He said strictly. "You're a horrible liar."

"I am not a horrible liar." She hissed. She began to tap her foot furiously against the ground. 

"Whenever you lie, you can't stop flaring your nostrils. The bigger the lie, the most likely you are to cross your arms." Kylo Ren said as he gestured to her. "And tap your foot. As you are doing now, might I add."

"Crossing your arms or flaring your nostrils can also be a sign of annoyance, you know." Rey quipped but there was no humor in her tone. "And tapping my foot is an old habit I have."

He shrugged. "I suppose. But not for you."

She took in a deep breath. She traced her teeth with her tongue before dropping her hands to her sides, placing them instead on her hips. "You don't know anything about me."

"You'd be surprised." Kylo remarked. 

"That makes you sound very creepy." Rey cringed. 

"I'm observant." He replied. "And we have a Force bond. Actually, I figured out that it has a name." 

"Oh?" She questioned. Her mood went from angry to now curious. 

"A dyad." Kylo explained. "It means two that are one."

"Oh." She repeated. 

"Arguably I know you better than anyone else because of that fact alone." He said. "Now, please tell me what has upset you so much." 

"Fine." A beat of silence as the curiosity shifted back to anger. "You distracted me on purpose." Rey boldly stated through the thick air between her and Kylo Ren. His eyebrow raised. 

"What?" He asked. 

"You distracted me on purpose." She repeated. "In the cave. You distracted me long enough that by the time I got back, nearly everything was destroyed and your men were long gone so we couldn't attack." 

He scoffed at her accusation. "No, I did not."

"Yes, you did!" Rey stubbornly exclaimed. "Ten of our members were kidnapped, Ben! Ten!"

"I understand that." He replied. 

"Do you?" She said as if she was talking to a child. She stepped forward, her foot catching on her robe as she shook it off. "Do you understand that you took ten of my friends? Ten of my family members? That seems like an awful lot for you to understand, Kylo Ren."

"I am aware and I apologize." Kylo started. He had visibly flinched at her using the name she hated so much. The extent of her anger was painfully obvious now and he was afraid that he would lose the little amount of control he slowly gained over his anger. He exhaled deeply to maintain a cool composure around her. Despite his prevalent anger issues, he never wanted to scare her off by screaming and throwing things like a child. Instead, he opted for channeling the peace within the Force while having discussions like these. 

"I told them that the next time we attacked the Resistance, that we need to take more people than kill. I was obviously unaware of Hux's plan but at least my soldiers listened to my order and didn't kill the people you care about." 

"Oh, congratulations Mister Boss Man!" She taunted. She had passed the threshold of acting mature and communicating properly with the man before her a lot earlier in the conversation but her words started getting worse with time. "Glad your men have kriffing ears and didn't kill people! But guess what? Your men still hurt nearly everyone on base and our resources are drained! If you care about me like you say you do, why would you destroy everything you know I love!"

"What do you expect me to say, Rey?" He said, his anger with her now bubbling. He was trying his best to conceal it but every word that came out of her mouth angered him. He took a step forward, his height towering over her. "We're on different sides of this war! Of course my people are going to want to attack yours! That's the point of this whole damned thing!" 

"Ugh!" Rey shouted as she turned away from him, pacing. She quickly faced him again. She stepped so close that their faces were inches away, with him leaning down to her and her standing tall to him. If the anger wasn't there, it looked as if they were going to kiss. 

"All we want is peace and freedom! We want liberty! You want control and power! At the rate you're going, you're going to be exactly like Snoke, power hungry, evil, demanding, cruel and senseless! How could you expect me to care for you when you are turning into the very thing you swore to destroy! A truly evil monster!" 

Dead silence filled the air as she stared in horror at her words. She felt Kylo's breath hitch in his throat from their close proximity. He gulped deeply while staring into her shocked eyes. His own reflected pure hurt and a hint of betrayal that stirred something quite sinister in the pit of her stomach. He moved to open his mouth to say something but snapped it shut. His dark eyes traveled to her own lips before looking up to her eyes that were slowly brimming with tears. His thick bottom lip quivered lightly but he pursed them into a thin line. 

"Glad to know that's what you think of me," Kylo remarked quietly. He stepped away from her and glared at the floor. 

Her eyes filled with tears as a sob escaped her soft lips. She moved forward with her arms outstretched. "Wait, Ben-"

"For the record, I am a monster, scavenger." He spit before vanishing into thin air, their connection broken sharply by him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note: 
> 
> hey guys! don't be too mad at me for this chapter! i know it's a lot but you know...this is a fanfiction. 
> 
> don't forget to vote and comment if you're enjoying it! it motivates me to write. 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 1836  
> word count w/ authors note: 1896


	26. Chapter 26

It was snowing. White flurries encased the sky, dribbling effortlessly through the trees and blanketing the world around it in a bright, pale color. The sky was a miserable shade of gray but there was no sadness in the atmosphere. The only emotion was emptiness, raw numbness. 

Rey stood in the middle of the cold. She wore tan clothes with a tunic arranged neatly around her torso, held together by a thick brown belt. On her shoulders was a thin shawl that covered her head, hiding the three buns she usually wore. Her quarterstaff was held loosely in her arms and she barely shivered despite the biting of the wind swirling around her. 

Like the planet, she looked numb and empty. Unlike the planet, however, her heart and mind were racing with emotions. Anger, sadness, hurt and betrayal were the top of her list. Rey wasn't sure when one emotion ended and the other one began. They mixed together to create a monster of hormones, a beast fighting against the chains of the Light she held onto with stubborn fingers. 

She understood in that moment, covered in chilling snow, why the Jedi were so adamant on limiting emotions. 

Rey remained standing for what felt like hours, watching the scenery change. Snow still fascinated her as she had only just begun to know what it was. The flakes that fell onto her hands melted at the impact, their beautifully intricate pattern morphing into a drop of cold water. Her shawl was wet and did nothing to protect the liquid from touching her hair. But she didn't mind. 

The silent moment was cut short when she heard the sharp sizzle of a lightsaber. Her blood ran cold as her muscles tensed. She knew who it was but didn't want to look. 

Crunches of the snow filled her ears as the presence crept in until she could practically feel the warmth radiating from the lethal weapon. Rey forced her snow soaked boots to move her body, turning at least to see what awaited her. 

There, with the snowflakes dotting his impressive uniform, was Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. His mask was on and the light reflected from the snow made it shine wickedly. The long black cloak he wore whimpered and fought against the wind. She felt his harsh eyes on her and held back a flinch at the thought. The red of his saber warmed his clothes the same color as well as the ground before him, encasing him in an evil halo that was utterly intoxicating. There was her angel of death. 

"Ben." Rey stated confidently though the emotions swelling in her stomach begged her to vomit out her anxieties. She pressed through, unwilling to show this man any of her weaknesses. 

He took a step forward, the snow crunch beneath him deafening. She stepped back. An altered sigh escaped the mask as he slide the saber through the ground. Rey watched as the snow turned into liquid. The weapon itself crackled and she saw the spits of fire it burst out. He turned it over in his hands, swinging it slightly side to side as he stepped forward once more. 

The heat of the weapon flooded her body and she took several steps back to avoid it. 

"Ben," She said again, more clearly. 

He once again ignored her and began to twirl the red sword in elaborate shapes before leveling out to his eye. He pointed it down to face her. 

"What are you doing?" Rey asked quietly. Her lip began to tremble and her eyes filled with tears. She started to slowly walk backwards as he stood firmly in his spot. 

"You know exactly what I'm doing." The thick, deep and modulated voice cut through the air in an instant. Her breathe hitched in her throat. She shook her head. 

"No," She said firmly. "No, this isn't Ben. He wouldn't hurt me."

"Even after all that you said to him?" The voice replied. 

She bit her lip but nodded. "Even after all that I said. He cares about me. He said so himself." 

The voice of the warrior laughed menacingly. "Ignorant scavenger. I hate to break the news but I assume you already know. Ben Solo is dead."

"No," Rey repeated through tears. She had stopped walking and stood far enough away from him that she could run if needed but she desperately wanted to hear this conversation. "Ben Solo is not dead."

"Yes he is. I killed him myself."

"No, you can't kill him." She cried. "Ben Solo is who you are!"

The masked figure took a step forward. "I am Kylo Ren."

"You are Ben Solo!" 

"Enough!" He barked before lunging after her, the red saber sizzling with every swing of his arm. 

Rey ran. Her feet rushed her forward, turning her back on him. She heard his pants from behind and hoped she was faster than him. There was no cover for miles, the snow hills distantly reminding her of the sand dunes at Jakku. How she longed to be there. How she longed to not be involved in the drama of the galaxy. The tears stung her face as she ran and she felt her lungs fight for oxygen. 

Then, the most chilling sensation of all. Rey couldn't move. Her limbs retracted themselves to her sides, planting her feet harshly on the ground. She fought against it but to no avail, her desperate attempts not even causing her fingers to shiver. Sobs escaped her lips as she knew her fate. 

Kylo Ren came circling to face her, his hand outstretched as he held her in a tight Force hold. He tossed the saber side to side as he eyed her up and down. 

"Any last words, scavenger?" He bribed. 

"Ben is in there. Even if you kill me, he will continue to live. You know that." Rey argued. She bit her lip as the warm tears dripped off her jaw. 

"Stop being a fool!" He demanded. He raised the weapon high above so that it shone out in the sky. 

"Ben loves me!" She cried. "And I love him!"

Silence filled their ears as she flushed from her revelation. He lowered his saber to hang loosely by his side as he stared at her. Moments passed where neither could do anything but gaze at the other. 

She watched as his leather clad hands snaked up his helmet. The familiar clicking noise pierced the air and she sucked in a breath as he removed the mask. His face came into her view and she almost smiled. The long scar Rey branded him with marked his face, giving her a weird sense of warmth. A few moles dotted his skin and his plump lips gathered her attention. They were light pink and she saw his teeth peak out slightly when he parted them. His prominent nose stuck out, the skin flushed from the bitter cold, as well as the tops of his ears that poked through his thick waves. 

"Ben." Rey said sweetly. 

She watched as his brown eyes turned black, her own widening in fear. 

"Ben Solo is dead." Kylo Ren said as he raised his saber to slice through her body. 

*** 

Rey awoke with a start, her hand clenching her heart as it pumped at an unrealistic beat. Sweat covered her crown and her body shoke from the dream. She felt her leg bounce with anxiety against the sheet. Her fingers trembled against her body. She blinked several times to try and regain a normal composure. She sucked in deep, full breathes to ride her body of the adrenaline. 

Rey dragged her body up in a sitting position, holding on tightly to the edge of the bed for support. She exhaled slowly, drawing in each breath carefully. She swallowed and repeated. 

Her legs forced her to walk to her sink, splashing the cold water against her hot face. The muscles in her legs shook but still held her up in the air. She grasped the edges of the sink as her mind became lightheaded. She closed her eyes and tried to shake that damned dream off.

But it had felt so real. And for what?

Rey hadn't spoken to Kylo in three weeks. Three, dreadful weeks. The days were impossibly long but the hours of the night stretched out farther. She couldn't remember the last time she got a night full of genuine sleep. The hours had been spent analyzing every aspect of her last interaction with him and then crying or moping over her failure. 

In her mind, it was her job and responsibility to bring him back to the Light, back to his mother. And she had failed. She destroyed that bridge by disappointing him and belittling him, just like every other person in his life had before. Rey had joined the long list of people that urged Kylo further into darkness and she could never forgive herself for that. 

During the past few weeks, the Resistance had come up with an elaborate plan to save their members. Rey offered Kylo's advice and they listened, retreating to the other side of Ajan Klass until they could get strong enough to rush to another planet. Currently, they were hidden in the belly of Coruscant, beneath the ground in tunnels that stretched on for miles. According to General Leia, the old Republic had built an underground system as a place for lost individuals to rest while they tried to gain their footing in the world. No one had known about this so when the Republic withered away, so did the use of the space. The Resistance quickly changed that. 

There were far more rooms than they even needed so everyone was offered their own space if they wanted. Rey pounced on the chance and was even given one with her own fresher thanks to being the Last Jedi. Sometimes she felt bad for taking advantage of that title but she didn't let herself during this emotional turmoil going on in her heart. 

The Resistance had kept Poe Dameron, a former pilot for their cause, sedated and restrained while they moved locations. They quickly threw him a prison cell once they arrived on Coruscant and Rey hasn't seen him since. And she had no desire to see him either. They were obviously worried about what they were going to do with such a deceitful man but they launched into a rescue mission first thing. He can sit behind closed doors and wait with anticipation. 

Their escape plan was one they had used and attempted many times before but Connix was certain it would work this time after she twisted around some of the edges. They were going to send in ten officers through the building. Then, when given the right equipment from the Resistance, they were going to sneak into one of the stormtrooper training rooms and knock out the entire room using a sleeping gas. They planned to steal the armor off of as many troopers as they could, hiding some in a small room close to the prison cells but out of the view of the cameras. They would change into the stormtrooper armor and free their friends, then having them change into trooper armor so they could escape through one of their battleships while the rest of the Resistance made a false battle alert on a distant planet so they could escape. 

It was dangerous. They all knew the risks involved. Leia had so heavily protested the idea when she first heard it that bits of hair flew from her braids while she vigorously shook her head. But they discussed every other idea until their brains throbbed from thinking and none of them had been as possible or reasonable. The old princess shook her head and sighed deeply, grasping her cane until her knuckles turned white. 

"Fine," She had said through gritted teeth. "If this is all we got, we have to do it. But we need to methodically plan who is going. I'm not willing to risk more lives if the people aren't prepared." 

Connix had released a small grin that she quickly tucked away. "Right, who wants to go?"

About five or so hands had shot up in the air and she scribbled their names down. Rey leaned back in her chair with her head tucked down. She knew she was going to have to go but she didn't want to. Sometimes doing the right thing hurt. 

"I am going." A thick voice rang out. Heads snapped up to see the cold stare of Raanan with his hand up in the air. 

Connix gave him a small frown. "Are you sure? You're still new, don't feel pressured to come." 

"I am going." He stated again as he folded his arms across his chest. "I will go regardless of what you say. My only reason for breathing as of late has been captured by the First Order. So whether or not I have to hold on to the side of the ship as you ascend, I am going."

Silence filled the room, creating a sort of hazy aura for Rey. Her respect for him grew at his small declaration. It made her wonder what it was like having a sibling, someone you care so much for that it hurts to see them hurt. Someone who you were raised with and went through the tough life experiences with you. That, in her mind, was true love. If someone was willing to brave life with you, despite knowing your imperfections, it was love, regardless if it was romantic or platonic. 

"Alright." Connix said as she scribbled his name down. A few more people raised their hands, including the small green alien Rey had befriended named Orion, or as he said to call him, Orio. They needed two more volunteers and she almost opened her mouth to extend her services before the quiet whisper of Rose captured her attention. 

"I need to go," She murmured lightly. No one dared to question her. They all knew why she needed to go. 

"Add me to the list." Rey had mumbled after her, extending her hand forward as a way to confirm her statement. 

Connix nodded at the two women with a solemn expression. "Alright. Anyone who is going, meet here first thing tomorrow morning. We need to plan. Anything else to add, General?"

Leia gave a weak laugh. "I believe you covered it all, Kaydel."

She blushed. "Everyone is dismissed. Have a good night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note:
> 
> hey guys! i'm backkkkkkk!! i appreciate you guys letting me take a break, it helped me reshape the story and feel better mentally. (for those on ao3, i took a break on wattpad for my mental health but i was still transferring chapters here)
> 
> hope you didn't me miss me too much while i was gone. this chapter is a bit of a filler chapter but also an insight on our main girl's feelings and the resistance's plan during all of this chaos. things are getting wild but what can i say, it's fun to add spice. 
> 
> oh! also, if you read this story but don't follow me, i would recommend looking at my announcements because i changed my uploading schedule and just have some general things i would like to talk about with the lovely people that read this work. 
> 
> thank you for reading :) i appreciate you!!
> 
> word count w/o authors note: 2427
> 
> word count w/ authors note: 2569


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